Asking for help.

aishah · 03-23-2012, 02:03 PM

hi loves,

i hope it's okay that i'm posting this here. my partner, who is ftm, is having a really rough time now and i'm just reaching out for ideas for things we can do. he lives in charlottesville right now (which is where i moved from, and he'll be moving to kansas in the next year hopefully). he hasn't had access to t. he was on t illegally last year, getting it through a friend, but it made him sick because it had potassium which caused his blood pressure to skyrocket, so he had to go off of it. recently he was able to get a diagnosis of gid (after having dealt with untreated gid for like two years now) and go on t legally. he got his first t shot three weeks ago and today his insurance company denied him coverage - they claim they don't cover the gid diagnosis and he cannot get anymore shots or see the endocrinologist. neither of us have money to do this on our own. he lives about an hour away from the fan free clinic, which is one possible option, but getting to/from the clinic is extremely difficult and the last time i talked to them they said they can no longer cover patients who have health insurance (he has to have insurance to cover his treatment for epilepsy). i have contact info for two other endocrinologists in charlottesville in case this one didn't work out, but it never occurred to me (because i don't have access to health insurance) that they would deny him coverage.

we are kind of at the end of our rope here. i'm looking into resources here in kansas (i live in lawrence, about an hour from kansas city) because if there are options here he might move here more quickly. i know some ftms here who have gotten treatment close by from private doctors. but we're probably going to still have insurance issues if he moves here.

having untreated gid for so long and feeling pretty much stuck no matter what has taken a huge toll on his mental health (and sometimes mine too). but the free counseling resources that are available to him are not trans* friendly and his argument is that getting treatment is the only thing that will fix the mental health issues...and that's a pretty good argument. it's hard to keep coming up with reasons NOT to despair.

does anyone have ideas or resources that might help? or even just solidarity if you've been in similar situations? thanks.

SelfMadeMan · 03-23-2012, 02:27 PM

Let me mull this over and see what I can come up with for you... and if he needs someone to talk to who's been thorough this struggle (lack of funds/lack of proper care) I'd be happy to chat him up. I'm glad he's off the illegal T - bad bad way to go there. I'll see what I can find out

princessbelle · 03-23-2012, 03:59 PM

Hey aishah,

I don't have any information for you but i just wanted to give you and yours a tight reassuring hug and to tell you i will send you both positive energy.

There will be peeps come through for you here and offer advice. I just know it. Self Made Man is on it as well.

As a nurse i am very glad he is off the illegal T. High blood pressures are nothing to mess around with.

Also wanted to bump this to the front page again, so some of our FtMs or peeps on T can see this and offer some help to you.

Hang in there!!!!!!!

aishah · 03-23-2012, 04:06 PM

*hugs* thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too.

i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable.

i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

princessbelle · 03-23-2012, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishah

*hugs* thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too.

i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable.

i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

Rather personal but ....is he taking any antidepressants? Maybe try and utilize what insurance will pay for and at least get that. If he is that depressed, he really should talk to someone and find a support group and quick. Even if they are not noted to be trans friendly, the mention that he may be suicidal sent my red flag waving high. It sounds like a desperate situation and maybe should treat with some "life worthy" therapy at the very least.

Another thought...have either of you tried writing to the drug companies that furnish the T? I am almost positive they run into this and may know of a possible solution for you or at least may be a guide. You would be surprised how many of my patients get free meds just by sending an email to the makers of a medication and explaining how they cannot afford it.

But the suicide mention still makes me uncomfortable...please try and see that he gets some type of help even if it is just someone professional to talk to.

Please keep us informed and another huge hug to you hon.

aishah · 03-23-2012, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Rather personal but ....is he taking any antidepressants? Maybe try and utilize what insurance will pay for and at least get that. If he is that depressed, he really should talk to someone and find a support group and quick. Even if they are not noted to be trans friendly, the mention that he may be suicidal sent my red flag waving high. It sounds like a desperate situation and maybe should treat with some "life worthy" therapy at the very least.

Another thought...have either of you tried writing to the drug companies that furnish the T? I am almost positive they run into this and may know of a possible solution for you or at least may be a guide. You would be surprised how many of my patients get free meds just by sending an email to the makers of a medication and explaining how they cannot afford it.

But the suicide mention still makes me uncomfortable...please try and see that he gets some type of help even if it is just someone professional to talk to.

Please keep us informed and another huge hug to you hon.

thanks love. i really appreciate it.

he was in a really bad dissociative headspace earlier but he's feeling more positive about it now. he can possibly pay out of pocket for the t (he has a little bit of money saved) if he can get them to teach him how to do the shots so he can do them at home - i'm hoping that might work while we work on appealing to the insurance company.

he's not on anti-ds - he's been on them in the past but they interact really badly with his seizure meds. he is in a counseling program for anxiety currently so i'm hoping he can get some support through that. i tried to get him into the free psych clinic at uva (where i went when i lived there) but unfortunately they turned him down because his case was "too complex." he'll have better counseling resources on campus when he starts school again in the fall, but that's not much help right now :\

the closest transgender support group is in richmond, which is where most of his close-by trans friends live (they all go to the fan free clinic for their t, from what i understand). but he's a bit isolated unfortunately as he can't drive. he has reached out to them online i think, so that helps.

Liam · 03-23-2012, 04:33 PM

I realise that you and your partner are not in Colorado, but you might want to give the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, a call or send them an email. They might be aware of resources that you aren't, and they're an extremely compassionate and helpful bunch of folks.

303-202-6466
info@gicofcolo.org

Best of luck to both of you.

Random · 03-23-2012, 04:44 PM

One of my ex has GID and said there was a *easy* test...

Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind...

Are you a girl or a boy or are you both?

I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself..

But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread...

03-23-2012, 02:03 PM	#1
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,442 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Asking for help. hi loves, i hope it's okay that i'm posting this here. my partner, who is ftm, is having a really rough time now and i'm just reaching out for ideas for things we can do. he lives in charlottesville right now (which is where i moved from, and he'll be moving to kansas in the next year hopefully). he hasn't had access to t. he was on t illegally last year, getting it through a friend, but it made him sick because it had potassium which caused his blood pressure to skyrocket, so he had to go off of it. recently he was able to get a diagnosis of gid (after having dealt with untreated gid for like two years now) and go on t legally. he got his first t shot three weeks ago and today his insurance company denied him coverage - they claim they don't cover the gid diagnosis and he cannot get anymore shots or see the endocrinologist. neither of us have money to do this on our own. he lives about an hour away from the fan free clinic, which is one possible option, but getting to/from the clinic is extremely difficult and the last time i talked to them they said they can no longer cover patients who have health insurance (he has to have insurance to cover his treatment for epilepsy). i have contact info for two other endocrinologists in charlottesville in case this one didn't work out, but it never occurred to me (because i don't have access to health insurance) that they would deny him coverage. we are kind of at the end of our rope here. i'm looking into resources here in kansas (i live in lawrence, about an hour from kansas city) because if there are options here he might move here more quickly. i know some ftms here who have gotten treatment close by from private doctors. but we're probably going to still have insurance issues if he moves here. having untreated gid for so long and feeling pretty much stuck no matter what has taken a huge toll on his mental health (and sometimes mine too). but the free counseling resources that are available to him are not trans* friendly and his argument is that getting treatment is the only thing that will fix the mental health issues...and that's a pretty good argument. it's hard to keep coming up with reasons NOT to despair. does anyone have ideas or resources that might help? or even just solidarity if you've been in similar situations? thanks.

03-23-2012, 03:59 PM	#3
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,499 Times in 5,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Hey aishah, I don't have any information for you but i just wanted to give you and yours a tight reassuring hug and to tell you i will send you both positive energy. There will be peeps come through for you here and offer advice. I just know it. Self Made Man is on it as well. As a nurse i am very glad he is off the illegal T. High blood pressures are nothing to mess around with. Also wanted to bump this to the front page again, so some of our FtMs or peeps on T can see this and offer some help to you. Hang in there!!!!!!! __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

03-23-2012, 04:33 PM	#7
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,874 Times in 1,861 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I realise that you and your partner are not in Colorado, but you might want to give the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, a call or send them an email. They might be aware of resources that you aren't, and they're an extremely compassionate and helpful bunch of folks. 303-202-6466 info@gicofcolo.org Best of luck to both of you. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

03-23-2012, 04:44 PM	#8
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,326 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	One of my ex has GID and said there was a easy test... Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind... Are you a girl or a boy or are you both? I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself.. But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

03-23-2012, 02:27 PM	#2
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,668 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972345	Let me mull this over and see what I can come up with for you... and if he needs someone to talk to who's been thorough this struggle (lack of funds/lack of proper care) I'd be happy to chat him up. I'm glad he's off the illegal T - bad bad way to go there. I'll see what I can find out

03-23-2012, 04:06 PM	#4
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,442 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	hugs thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too. i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable. i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.