PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

I have been requested to start a thread on Trauma survival and recovery.

I looked up symptoms of PTSD as a place to start.

Symptoms of PTSD can include:

• Hypervigilance and scanning
• Elevated startle response
• Blunted affect, psychic numbing
• Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way)
• Interruption of memory and concentration
• Depression
• Generalized anxiety
• Violent eruptions of rage
• Substance abuse
• Intrusive recall -- different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety
• Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks
• Insomnia
• Suicidal ideation
• Survivor guilt

Thoughts?

[Apocalipstic]

During my life I have experienced most of the symptoms of PTSD. Some worse than others.

I will post more after I see what kind of sharing I feel comfortable with here.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes, I suffer from PTSD. I went to counseling for this. It is from my childhood at the hands of my bio-father. He is my tormentor. I have always tried to be forgiving because I believe that there is power in forgiveness, but I am not quite there yet.

I am so horribly tortured from guilt for not protecting my sisters. They came to me for protection. I tried to stand up to my father, and in turn, I was threatened and beaten, and ...

This is a good thread. I would like to see what others say as well.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Yes, I suffer from PTSD. I went to counseling for this. It is from my childhood at the hands of my bio-father. He is my tormentor. I have always tried to be forgiving because I believe that there is power in forgiveness, but I am not quite there yet.

I am so horribly tortured from guilt for not protecting my sisters. They came to me for protection. I tried to stand up to my father, and in turn, I was threatened and beaten, and ...

This is a good thread. I would like to see what others say as well.

I feel lot's of guilt too, and often I am not sure for what exactly, just guilt.

[Jet]

Nice informative thread, thanks for starting it. Personally, I lost 17 years to PTSD..the "S" meaning shock not stress. My trauma occured in one night. I suffered adrenal shock and lost 18 pounds over three days from shock; the doctors couldn't believe it. It's been a long road and there was never relief and no cure other than reliving it and facing what happened. It's taken a year to do just that. i should have died, but didn't. My hair changed color in 5 minutes; I lost pigmentation due to shock in my system.

Two things: prayer (lots of prayer) and a medicine to get me through the moments. My only regret is that my mom isn't alive to see me come through. 2010 is going to be a great year because I'm reclaiming my person and my life. But the thing is, I'd just as soon leave this world having been through this. I'm not one for wanting to live and i have to because I'm Catholic. I'm not invensted in life or anything it has to offer including a relationship. I've pretty much relinquished everything. A lot was taken from me and I'm not sure I can reclaim all of it. If not, i'm okay with that..

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am more "verbal" online than I am in real time. In real time I am very quiet and shy. I just feel the need to protect myself at all times. When you come from a violent childhood, you understand. Violence can be verbal, physical, emotional, intellectual, and sexual abuse. Basic dysfunction all the way around.

I will never understand why my mother never stood up to her husband. Never helped her kids. It blows my mind. When folks talk about how wonderful their families are...I just wonder what that really means.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Nice informative thread, thanks for starting it. Personally, I lost 17 years to PTSD..the "S" meaning shock not stress. My trauma occured in one night. I suffered adrenal shock and lost 18 pounds over three days from shock; the doctors couldn't believe it. It's been a long road and there was never relief and no cure other than reliving it and facing what happened. It's taken a year to do just that. i should have died, but didn't. My hair changed color in 5 minutes; I lost pigmentation due to shock in my system.

Two things: prayer (lots of prayer) and a medicine to get me through the moments. My only regret is that my mom isn't alive to see me come through. 2010 is going to be a great year because I'm reclaiming my person and my life. But the thing is, I'd just as soon leave this world having been through this. I'm not one for wanting to live and i have to because I'm Catholic. I'm not invensted in life or anything it has to offer including a relationship. I've pretty much relinquished everything. A lot was taken from me and I'm not sure I can reclaim all of it. If not, i'm okay with that..

I am not familiar with adrenal shock, will have to look up. It sounds horrible and I am so sorry you still have the feelings and symptoms you do.

I do understand the being OK with not being alive any more. I feel like that so much too.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

My answers are in red. I will come back and say more later.

Thank you for answering AZ, I have or have had all of the symptoms too.

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am more "verbal" online than I am in real time. In real time I am very quiet and shy. I just feel the need to protect myself at all times. When you come from a violent childhood, you understand. Violence can be verbal, physical, emotional, intellectual, and sexual abuse. Basic dysfunction all the way around.

I will never understand why my mother never stood up to her husband. Never helped her kids. It blows my mind. When folks talk about how wonderful their families are...I just wonder what that really means.

You know Andrew, we are about the same age. Things were different for women then, maybe she was as scared as you were.

In my case the biggest trauma that my father either killed or contributed heavily to the death of my mother and we moved to the United States in 4 days on the plane with her casket and never went home. My father was incredibly abusive always and we never mentioned my mother again. I lived in complete fear. Every day of every minute.

I broke ties with my father completely 11 years ago, and when he died last January had not seen him in 10 years...until after he died. I . see . him . everywhere . now. He is in my dreams, he is at the park looking at me, he is in my head.

I have a definite family phobia too. I get that completely.

Thank you all for sharing, I know its so difficult to even think about.

[friskyfemme]

I just want to let you know that I didn't forgive my father until 5yrs after he died. I think that my not forgiving him made me strong. It was my sense of power over him and what he represented to me. I had no interaction with him other than forced visits until I was 18 yrs old (my parents divorced when I was 15 yrsold. My dad died a horrible death beteen his cirrohis of his liver to kidney shutdown his heart actually burst. He died alone in his apartment. I didn't have a bit of sympathy for his demise. I did feel relief. Because for me, my dad had been dead to me for years ad finally it came to be real. I didn't cry for him. Until after he died, I never could cry. My dad always sighted crying as weakness and I wasn't about to ever show him my weakness. Now I am no longer bitter about him, but it took many years after his death for me to get there. Looking back I see I struggled to get my Bachelor's Degree because my Dad told me I was a no good 'c___t' and never would mount to anything. So, do what is good for you!

[Andrew, Jr.]

FF,

My father tells anyone who cries that they are cry babies. I actually had to look it up in the dictionary to figure out what he was saying. It wasn't in there. I ended up asking my older brother what our father was telling us. My brother told me to just ignore him.

My father is dying a very slow, death. I just pity him. He is not a man, but a weak human being. He can throw anything my way, and I just catch it and throw it back to him. Let him deal with it because I am long done playing that game.

Life is for the living, and to be lived.

Andrew

[Jet]

For the past several weeks I've relived a severe trauma that pretty much destroyed my life. To be honest, there have been moments that I didn't think I was going to make it through. Events have surfaced from the sub-conscience to the conscience and it is riveting to put it mildly. Since so much of this is fear based and deeply emotional, it's daunting to move through memories and keep my head on straight. I don't feel like myself; not even the same person. Worse, I think the damage is irreparable. For a long time I believed that I could beat this thing by purging the memories and the shock associated with them from my system. I feel like I've changed on the inside and I don't think the me that I knew will ever return. That saddens me beyond words. I can't help wondering who I'll be through the course of time after enduring hell for so long.

[Random]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

FF,

My father tells anyone who cries that they are cry babies. I actually had to look it up in the dictionary to figure out what he was saying. It wasn't in there. I ended up asking my older brother what our father was telling us. My brother told me to just ignore him.

My father is dying a very slow, death. I just pity him. He is not a man, but a weak human being. He can throw anything my way, and I just catch it and throw it back to him. Let him deal with it because I am long done playing that game.

Life is for the living, and to be lived.

Andrew

Andrew.. Do you still have contact with this person?

Actually, that is a question I often wonder... Do people keep their abusers in their life.. and if so.. why?

*Not just idle curiousity... I just go the other way.. I handle things by dissociation *

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I have been requested to start a thread on Trauma survival and recovery.

I looked up symptoms of PTSD as a place to start.

Symptoms of PTSD can include:

• Hypervigilance and scanning [check]
• Elevated startle response [check]
• Blunted affect, psychic numbing [check]
• Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way) [only in the car when I feel the driver is going too fast or being dangerous and I am scared out of my mind]
• Interruption of memory and concentration [check]
• Depression [check]
• Generalized anxiety [check]
• Violent eruptions of rage [nope]
• Substance abuse [recovering 24 years]
• Intrusive recall -- different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety [check]
• Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks [check]
• Insomnia [check]
• Suicidal ideation [nope]
• Survivor guilt [check]

Thoughts?

My answers are in red. I will come back and say more later.

[Gemme]

Symptoms of PTSD can include:

• Hypervigilance and scanning
• Elevated startle response
• Blunted affect, psychic numbing (check)
• Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way) (check)
• Interruption of memory and concentration
• Depression (check)
• Generalized anxiety
• Violent eruptions of rage (check)
• Substance abuse
• Intrusive recall -- different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety
• Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks (check)
• Insomnia
• Suicidal ideation (check)
• Survivor guilt

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I have been requested to start a thread on Trauma survival and recovery.

I looked up symptoms of PTSD as a place to start.

Symptoms of PTSD can include:

• Hypervigilance and scanning --to some degree,much less than before
• Elevated startle response --yes
• Blunted affect, psychic numbing --yes
• Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way) --not to much
• Interruption of memory and concentration --yep,hate it cause it messes me up in being able to finish what i was doing.
• Depression --geneticaly predispositiomed for it,so far not to much,light therapy helps lots.
• Generalized anxiety --depends on how u look at it
• Violent eruptions of rage ...not in the lasr 20years
• Substance abuse --no way
• Intrusive recall -- different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety --nope
• Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks --mild for of it
• Insomnia --on again,off again
• Suicidal ideation ..nope thank goodness
• Survivor guilt--yes.why my twin lived when she out weighed me by 3 pounds at birth

Thoughts?

thinking bout this.
Rockin

[Rockinonahigh]

AZ.
u are doing a great job of takeing it one day at the time,ive been in some of the places u have and know how hard it is to deal with or get past them.One step at the time ok..pm me if u want..anytime.
Rockin

[Andrew, Jr.]

Atomic and Ol'Jet,

Thank you for your kind words and support. I could rattle on and on telling you stories that would make the hairs on the back of your neck just stand up on end. Yes, my father is sick. I know and accept this. That is why I am at the point of forgiveness. Forgiveness is powerful in and of itself. But like I said before I am working on this every day. It is like being online here - we can agree to disagree on whatever issue is being talked about. With my father, he had to be the one who was always right. I was wrong. In the end, does it really matter? No. It isn't a matter of winning every argument. For some, it is. And that is where the disfunction is.

Nobody deserves to be abused. No person, male or female or whatever gender id'ed. Never.

Peace,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

I wanted to check in, and see how everyone was doing. I hope Christmas was good for everyone here. You all were in my prayers, and still are.

Be safe, be well, and be peaceful.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

Christmas was stressful but thankfully is over for another year!

I have noticed that when other people act badly I feel like I need to change myself so they will maybe act better. Does anyone else do this?

[Jet]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I have been requested to start a thread on Trauma survival and recovery.

I looked up symptoms of PTSD as a place to start.

Symptoms of PTSD can include:

• Hypervigilance and scanning
• Elevated startle response
• Blunted affect, psychic numbing
• Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way)
• Interruption of memory and concentration
• Depression
• Generalized anxiety
• Violent eruptions of rage
• Substance abuse
• Intrusive recall -- different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety
• Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks
• Insomnia
• Suicidal ideation
• Survivor guilt

Thoughts?

Did it ever mention "body flashbacks?" Like you not only remember, but your body feels the experience?

[Selenay]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Did it ever mention "body flashbacks?" Like you not only remember, but your body feels the experience?

These are also called somatic memories.