Too screwed up to be Loved?

[CharmingButch25]

So I have been doing a lot of thinking today and well for the past few days.
Does anyone else belive that they are too f*cked up to be loved?
Or have way to many demons within themselves to let anyone in?
Ive been dating since I was 11 years old and yet every relationship ends the same, No one wants to actually give me a chance and see what can really happen because Yes I am f*cked up and I have issues, BUT doesnt anyone?
I dunno maybe its a stupid question I just wonder if anyone else feels the same? Or is it just me
I mean I know what Im looking for and it doesnt seem unresonable
So it brings me to the conclusion maybe I have too many demons to be loved or cared for...

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

So I have been doing a lot of thinking today and well for the past few days.
Does anyone else belive that they are too f*cked up to be loved?
Or have way to many demons within themselves to let anyone in?
Ive been dating since I was 11 years old and yet every relationship ends the same, No one wants to actually give me a chance and see what can really happen because Yes I am f*cked up and I have issues, BUT doesnt anyone?
I dunno maybe its a stupid question I just wonder if anyone else feels the same? Or is it just me
I mean I know what Im looking for and it doesnt seem unresonable
So it brings me to the conclusion maybe I have too many demons to be loved or cared for...

I think everyone is capable of loving or being loved. That doesn't mean they are capable of being in a long-term, healthy relationship. Work on your issues, or don't. It's up to you. But if you have so much baggage that all your relationships end up the same, then obviously you have work to do. Everyone is responsible for their own shit, and we can't expect people to put up with endless amounts of baggage.

[TimilDeeps]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I think everyone is capable of loving or being loved. That doesn't mean they are capable of being in a long-term, healthy relationship. Work on your issues, or don't. It's up to you. But if you have so much baggage that all your relationships end up the same, then obviously you have work to do. Everyone is responsible for their own shit, and we can't expect people to put up with endless amounts of baggage.

ok, is what I was going to say so I won't be redundant, but yeah, what she said.

[CharmingButch25]

Yes very good point. I dont expect anyone to put up with endless issues and I work on my stuff daily. A lot is issues from childhood that I got thrown into therapy since I was 7 and im still working on them. Im capable of loving very capable just not sure of being loved

[*Anya*]

I agree with Q of S.

We all have baggage. The question is: are you willing to unpack that baggage, take it out, examine it and work with a therapist to deal with it?

Sometimes, our childhoods have damaged us terribly. In order to heal, we have to deal with the pain and the scars. The damage can never be undone but once we understand what was done to us and how it impacts our adult relationships, we can work as best as we can to not let us affect us in the here and now.

Therapy works if you are committed and accept that you have things that need changing.

I was terrified I would be an abusive parent when I had my first baby. I did not want to do to my girls what was done to me. I got my butt in therapy and stayed until I knew I would not repeat my parents behavior.

I am also clear as to how my childhood has impacted my adult relationships. Periodically I get back in to deal once again with those pesky scars.

Do I believe that we all are capable of love and deserving of love? I would say absolutely, with one caveat. That being, a sociopath but that is not what we are talking about here.

Therapy and counseling work if you let it and if you truly want to have loving relationships.

If you don't, it won't and the same patterns of behavior will continue or you could chose to give up on relationships but it does not sound to me like you really want to do that either.

[Electrocell]

Are you friends with any of your exes? Maybe you could ask them what they didn't like about you. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to look in the mirror . Is it something I'm doing wrong or is it I'm getting with someone just for the companionship ? Just because you feel an attraction towards someone doesn't mean the two of you are good for each other. Been there done that. If they will point out to me where I am wrong about something in a nice way, I will go back and examine myself just to see if they are wrong or if I really do need to work or improve myself in that way. If I need to improve myself I really try too ----not always easy . We as humans hate having our bad habits pointed out to us. Just have to work on it. Good luck.

[CharmingButch25]

That's a very good idea thank you. I've asked a couple exes and they say my abandonment issues is what ruins things. I've been working on it for years I've switched therapist and im front with each person. They say they can handle it but everyone leaves or gives up. Im at a loss and just wondering if anyone else feels the same way

[Electrocell]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

That's a very good idea thank you. I've asked a couple exes and they say my abandonment issues is what ruins things. I've been working on it for years I've switched therapist and im front with each person. They say they can handle it but everyone leaves or gives up. Im at a loss and just wondering if anyone else feels the same way

So what you are saying is you are clingy? Guess trust comes into this also?

[The_Lady_Snow]

We all have issues some of us know how to keep them neatly in the overhead compartment area. If you're failing in the relationship area perhaps a long relationship break and work on your issues OR just casually date till your shit straightened up. Good luck finding what's going to be best for you.!

[BullDog]

I would start with getting rid of "Tired Of users and Liars" in your Relationship Status. That is negative thinking and won't help put you in a good space or attract a positive, healthy person into your life.

If I felt fucked up in some way, I personally would take a break and work on myself. The more healthy and confident you feel, the more likely you will attractive healthy, positive people into your life.

[CharmingButch25]

Thank you everyone for your feedback I appreciate it and will give some thoughts to your words.

[Novelafemme]

Just keep working on yourself, CharmingButch25. The more work you do, the more you'll have to offer when that special someone enters your life. But remember to do your work with your best interest in mind; not so you'll be perfect for someone else. That mentality will serve no other purpose then to backfire in your face.

And if you are only 25 then you have a lot of time. Or you could wait until your Saturn Return when your shit inevitably hits the fan whether you like it or not.

[Tcountry]

Somtimes it just takes a changing the way you think...Attitude
They didn't leave or give up ..they got right in there & gave it a fair shot. Sometimes things just don't match up.
What's meant to b will b & everything happens for a reason
Just make sure YOU are putting in the effort to be the best you that YOU can be.
The rest will stack up when it is time

*tip hat*

[Heavenleahangel]

Awww, {{{Charming}}}; Don't be so down on yourself. I think this is a very courageous question you are posting and for you to be asking for opinions/help. There are some very good responses here and while I was only a counselor for 6 years, I will say this: Don't give up! No one is perfect and while we all have our lil idiocyncrises (spelling?) we are all worthy of being loved.
I have always heard the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different outcomes. While no two potential partners are exactly the same and what works for one doesn't work for others, I feel the the key is communication and the willingness to be accountable for your own actions mixed with your own desire to allow yourself to be loved. Im sure there are many of us here (myself included) that won't mind lending an ear to allow you to vent and figure how to align your heart and mind.

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

Sometimes its just not the right time for some I guess.

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

I have gotten some great advice by posting this, and I do think that I have a lot of stuff to work on, so maybe its not that im too screwed up to be loved, its just I need some work before anyone could be ready to love me,

I think you got it! Lots of great advice here to help anyone. You are still young bro. Enjoy life. Make goals, be happy. Live for you! The right girl will come along when the time is right for you in your life and when you and her are both ready for that time. For now, date. You will figure out what works and what doesn't and what makes you happy. Run from red flags and embrace the great times and great people. In time ... You will get there and you will know. It won't feel like drama and work with no stress, worries, and doubts.

[Angeltoes]

My issues are so far beyond the norm that nobody is even going to attempt to have a real relationship with me. It makes sense because people have their own problems, everyone wants to be happy and yet everything about me spells trouble. I would like to fix my life, but there's no possible way to do so right now. So I hang back and live in my head and dream about the future, but I won't try to get involved with anyone because it won't work out. I just don't think I can handle anymore disappointment and heartbreak right now.

Ah well...

[Nomad]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

So I have been doing a lot of thinking today and well for the past few days.
Does anyone else belive that they are too f*cked up to be loved?
Or have way to many demons within themselves to let anyone in?
Ive been dating since I was 11 years old and yet every relationship ends the same, No one wants to actually give me a chance and see what can really happen because Yes I am f*cked up and I have issues, BUT doesnt anyone?
I dunno maybe its a stupid question I just wonder if anyone else feels the same? Or is it just me
I mean I know what Im looking for and it doesnt seem unresonable
So it brings me to the conclusion maybe I have too many demons to be loved or cared for...

all the stuff i highlighted in blue is something that i've thought myself, on my worst days. then i pull my head out of my youknowwhatsis and get a grip. that's *my* take on it when *i* do it and i finally recognize that i'm doing it. i'm NOT saying you have your head there per se or that you want to feel this way or that you're copping out. i'm saying that we all get mired in our own sh*t and it can be hard to feel our way past it. i say 'feel' because no amount of logic can carry you out sometimes. sometimes you just gotta feel it and feel it and f*cking feel it until you realize that the actual pain is coming from a part of your lovingmind that is whispering 'you're a brilliant and beautiful soul and you're exactly where you need to be in order to learn what you need to learn and you are infinitely lovable.' it hurts because you KNOW your lovingmind is right but your misermind is screaming 'you're a pathetic unlovable f*ckwit' so loudly that it's all you can access sometimes. here's the worst part. i think it's the unwillingness to acknowledge that we're NOT actually unlovable that causes the pain. sounds like a sh*t ton of meshugas i know but i'm thinking alot about this recently and the more i think about it and pick it apart the more i'm convinced i'm on to something, even if it's only the tip of the iceberg.

i think we get stuck in repetitious cycles because they're familiar and so they seem right. we get habituated to patterns, feelings, behaviors and we shift into tunnel vision. you know the tunnel right? the one with the signs that say 'it's gonna be different this time. just be positive! focus on what you want to believe and not on the last time you jumped the shark doing this same damn thing. just keep moving forward! you can make it work if you try hard enough or want it bad enough!' oy. it can be never ending that tunnel. it's the 'i think i can' mentality gone horribly horribly wrong.

so we do the same thing over and over for whatever reasons we have and expect the results to be different which is the definition of meshugenah. might as well have our mail forwarded to crazyville. do the same thing over and over and next thing we know we feel too broken to be lovable because we break ourselves over and over again with our lack of self-love and self-respect.. it's not the other person's fault if they cant give us a chance if we wont give them our honest truest selves to have a chance with!(that's for the red part above) i'm guilty as f*ck of doing this. 100% guilty. not because i wanted to hold back but because i was wrapped up in my "i have demons" mentality. not even consciously. and that's part of the problem too. when i'm in that place where i've determined and declared that i'm unlovable then i'm sorta "living" unconsciously if you see what i mean. if we're mired in that sh*t then how can we be our "i'm a brilliant and beautiful soul" selves? we do the same damn "i have demons" thing over and over because it was all comfy and familiar in the beginning and humans love to gamble. we'll play the slots forever, never win and then walk away broke trying to figure out why the world didnt cut us a break every time. and we'll go back again and again with the same mindset. but at some point the pain we cause ourselves is more damaging than the discomfort of changing what we do, so we change what we do or we die trying i guess and it's the die trying part that's important and here's why.

something like 175,000 people die every day (dont quote me on that number). so approx 175,000 people died yesterday and guess what? they all were broken at one time or another, maybe even yesterday. and they all also had dreams and hopes and plans. they were all going to go someplace special one day and learn to speak another language one day and fall in love again one day. they were all going to go back to school one day or travel the world one day or learn to cook Indian food one day or whatever. alot of them were going to go to therapy one day and learn how to love themselves better one day or take the time to figure out what was really important one day. but they're dead now so too bad for them. and at the end of today 175,000 more people just like them will be dead. you're part of a random group of 175,000 people and you never know when your day is. so dont be the mayor of crazyville. stop limiting your view of your life to sh*t. i'm here to tell you that you're a brilliant and beautiful soul and you're exactly where you need to be in order to learn what you need to learn and you are infinitely lovable.

so knock that 'unlovable' sh*t off. people love you. hell i probably love you. the whole freakin Planet loves you. ok maybe not the whole Planet but who cares? serious. (((hugs)))

[snowbunny]

The one thing I have figured out is we can subconsciously push someone away. I do this all the time, I start dating someone everything is great and then I find little unimportant things to drive me crazy until eventually it ends it. I have also figured out that I have the ability to turn my heart on and off when I choose too. I was always afraid that I would get hurt, so it was so much easier to end it on my terms, even if it wasn't supposed to end. I still struggle with these issues, but when I find someone who truly cares about me, they help me work through it. We all have our issues, big and small. It completely depends on the person you are with and how dedicated you both are to making that relationship successful.

[jerbear]

I know im to fucked up to love. My past is what made me. I dont hardly let anyone in ever cuz ik as soon as i do they will see for what my past has done to me and not the real me. Its why im so quiet on this sight. But as everyone that has had rough past it is what makes us stronger in some ways and weaker in others. looking back on the past is a good thing but try not to stay stuck in it to much cuz thats what will bring you down. I have learned from most of my past theres a lot i still dont understand but im glad im still here today to make a go at life and meet some really great ppl. I wouldnt of said as much about 5 years ago when i couldnt escape what i was feeling cuz i wouldnt deal with what had happen to me most of my life. But for what ever the reason that the crappy stuff happen i am better and stronger for it.

[Toughy]

they will see for what my past has done to me and not the real me.

people see what you show them.........so show them the real you....

Everything said to CB25 applies to you