My Best Friend

[Diva]

As trite as the thread title sounds, I don't mean for that in the creation of this thread.

But something struck me on someone's post on The Bucket List thread......before they died, they wanted a best friend. And I thought to myself how sad that was that she didn't have a best friend.

So, I thought it might be an interesting conversation to speak to the things which constitute what a 'best friend' is to you. What are the qualities important to you for 'best friend status'? You don't have to say who your best friend IS unless You just want to do so (I'm going to tell You!). And if Your partner is Your best friend, that's all well and good (and perfect, if You ask me), but that's not really what I'm after here.....(no offense intended)

That being said.............

My best friend is ShariBerry.
We met in 2003 when I had a party at my house. She and some others drove up from Austin. Now, at the time, we both were distracted and the friendship didn't 'launch' right away.

It wasn't until I moved to Austin that we reconnected and found that we had a lot of the same values, and we fed each other's spirits. It was so easy with her, I can't even remember WHEN it happened. And I could never understand why someone who is young enough to be my daughter (technically....I'm 18 years older than she is) would even WANT to be my best friend!

But she is an old soul.....and I am a young one....and they sorta met in the middle at 47 or so....

I don't think there is a THING we don't talk about......and when my ass needs kicking, she kicks it....and vice versa. I know I can tell her ANYthing and it stops there. I trust her with my life. I know she has my best interests at heart.

We talk almost daily and we tell each other we love the other before the call is over.

There are 3 people on this planet that I would lay down my life for.........and Shari is one of them.

[Blade]

I have had a few best friends in my life, you now at different ages and stages. I'll be back with more in a while. Great thread topic Diva.

[Just_G]

Great thread Nizzle!

I have several different best friends, as I hang out with several different groups of people and there are different things that I am close to each one of them about.

First there is Cheech....he is the guy I can talk to about girls; we do a boy's night out a couple of times a month so we can talk about certain things that only WE get about each other. We are a lot alike in so many ways and have similar mindsets when it comes to a lot of things.

Second, there is Dawn....she is my best friend that I can talk to about anything and she does not judge me. She will tell me what she thinks, and it might not be what I want to hear, but she tells me anyway because our friendship allows that....needs that. She has been awesome about calming down when I get all worked up and start freaking out about going back to school. Her partner Jen is helping me with some grants and scholarship stuff. It is great when your best friend's partner is someone you get along with...sometimes that doesn't happen and it puts a strain on the relationship.

Third, there is my sister....while I don't talk to her about girls or let her know how stressed out I am about school (because I don't want her to worry about me), she is the one I talk to about family stuff, and we are karaoke buddies. She always looks out for me, and if anyone fucked with her, they would have to answer to ME!

I have a lot of really close, tight knit friends....some knit wit friends ....but I hold my friends very dear to my heart and would do anything I could for any of them within limits of the law and my means. I have a couple from this site...you know who you are....and at times I have referred to them as a best friend. I don't have just one....there are no rules that say you can't!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have some very close friends. The ones who stand by me no matter what. The kind that defend me, and tell it how it is. The ones who help me out when I need it, or tell me to get off my ass. At the end of every conversation we all tell each other that we love each other. It is our cardinal rule.

It is very sad that some folks have no idea of what it is to have a close friend of either femme or butch or ftm/mtf, etc.

Andrew

[IrishGrrl]

The reason I dont have a bestfriend right now..is because so many times I"ve met femmes, and been on the recieving end of such catty behavior, I wash my hands of them. I'm distrustful of those who smile in your face, and talk behind your back. I'm distrustful of those who always have drama going on around them..always a bicker with others. Judgemental..passive agressive..fakes. Nope, I'd rather just have my periferal friends..thanks. Neither do I look for pity. I'm quite happy with the way things are. The wish for a best friend is the wish to find someone who is honest in thier dealings, can have a grown up conversation, and be real.

[shariberry]

I have 3 types of best friends.

I have a best friend from high school. Even though we don't talk often or see each other hardly EVER, when we do reconnect, it's like old times right away. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

I have Diva who is my all-of-the-time best friend. In 2003 I saw her slump from her chair so gracefully without spilling a drop of her wine, and I knew she was the one for me. We judge each other honestly, kindly and forgivingly, and our quirks balance each other out. When we get together, we are like a two-femme comedy team-she makes me laugh constantly. AND I know she will snatch those diamond earrings off in a second to defend me (be very frightened).

I also have Chad, who is my partner/best friend. He makes me feel safe and loved and we take care of each other. We share our hopes and dreams and fears.

[IttyBittyFem]

Funny how a year can change things . . . . .

My two sisters (one a year older than I - the other a year younger than I) have ALWAYS been my best friends. We could go to each other for anything.

As young children, we fought. Someone borrowed a dress without asking <screaming> Mom - tell her to give it back. Who borrowed those shoes <shouting> Mom - one of the girls took my shoes and now they're all scuffed up. Who looked at my Diary <yelling> Mom - someone was looking at my Diary, I can tell by the way it was put back.

Ah, those were the days!

Then one day - we realized we were adults . . . where did the time go? My sisters then became more than just sisters. We became each others confidant - supporters - best friends.

Once a month, a mandatory "Sisters Day". Didn't really matter what we did, dinner, shopping, sitting at each others kitchen tables with a cup of tea. For years, we kept this routine. Three way calls - another necessity. God forbid someone had news, we didn't share it unless all three of us were on the phone together.

Years passed - our devotion to one another never waivers. Then . . .

DEATH: We lost our beloved Father, the leader of the family, the one man that could do no wrong, our everything. It destroyed us all.

We all mourned differently - we have lost loved ones over the years, but never did we lose someone that hit us with this magnitude.

We all knew we needed space - just a little bit of time to all work through this on our own. Only a few months went by . . . . then . . . .

CANCER: First one sister - one month later, the other sister. A few months later, then Mom. Cancer sneaked in to them all.

We hadn't learned how to cope yet, a piece of our hearts had gone with Dad, we're still not complete, how do we now tackle this? We are still going through it with Mom. Death and Cancer has torn each one of us away from one another. More separation . . . .

My sisters needed a different type of support than I could offer. They leaned on spouses, other victims they met through treatment.

My life took a different turn, a horrible accident at work has temporarily disabled me. Healing I'm told, will take close to 2 years.

More change, I became single again. I needed my sisters. They were fighting Cancer. More separation . . .

Mom's Cancer has spread. The Mastectomy didn't catch it all. So now we're preparing. All in different ways again. More change. More separation . . .

Fear has now set in. Fear that we will drag each other down even further keeps us apart.

I miss my Sisters, they were my best friends, we could go to each other for anything.

I know we'll drift back. Once we all come back from this very dark and black place we know as grief, we'll come back to one another.

Until that day, I remain lost - solitary - alone.

One day, it will all come back, come back as it should be, come back as we've all learned our lesson on how to cope individually, we'll come back.

My message to all of you, tell your best friend how much you love them. Hold on to one another when difficult times arise, don't let go for a minute. As a best friend, you want to save them from the darkness. Allow them to come with you. Should you let go, you'll become sequestered. Hold on to one another and never let go.

[QueenofQueens]

To be clear, I am posting as a mod.

We have received reports from this thread and I have to say, it makes me sad to see social intrigues played out under guise of positivity. I recall these sorts of painful games from when I was a little girl. I never understood them then and I still don't. Maybe that's why those who I count as friends are few and far between and they are absolutely precious to me.

True friendship is a rare commodity. It is not necessarily synonymous with social success. In my opinion, neither true friendship nor social success should be lorded over anyone or trumpeted in a way that is hurtful. Who among us can't remember the terrible pain caused by the feeling of exclusion from a clique or social scene? Do we really need to re-enact that as adults who are members of an already marginalized group? Really?

This is a general reminder to all thread participants to keep all personal issues private. These forums are NOT a place to work out issues via passive aggressive posts. Please try to work out your issues privately, with adult conversations. If you are unable or unwilling, that is your choice, but veiled references to other community members, splashing drama and taking swipes in these forums is not an acceptable alternative.


WORK EET OUT! YOU CAN DO EET!

xox
QoQ

[Blade]

My best friend in school was a neighbor. I guess how it originated was we were the only girls in the neighborhood and she had 2 brothers so we either played with each other or with the boys. She out grew that, I didn't cuz I was one of the boys.

Well we didn't start out as friends, actually her brother came in my yard and said I had been talking about him and I said I didn't even know him or his name even. So he jumped me there in the driveway, my Dad sitting on the porch. So I kicked his ass, (his brother 5 yrs older than me pulled me off of him) he was like 18 and we were 13 and he went home and got her. I told her I didn't know her either, but if she wanted to take up for her brother, she wasn't the first but she could sure be next. I guess she didn't like the idea someone would stand up to her, so she started talking do you know so and so at school or have you had Ms so and so yet for Math.LOL


We hung out talked about everything in the world. Stayed in trouble together and basically wreaked havoc in the neighborhood. She was in chorus and I was in band. She was from a broken home and loved spending time with my family as it was in tact. She was boy crazy I was girl crazy and she knew it but never talked about it back then. I haven't talked to her in probably 20 yrs now but I bet if I found her phone number and when she answered the phone, I said HEY CHIK-FIL-A she'd know exactly who it was and we'd talk for days.

[Blade]

My best friend got married and moved out west right after she graduated. Bring in best friend #2. This was in TN. We met in college at the pool tables. She was straight but very much a redneck woman! She used GD every sentence and I'd NEVER heard a woman talk like that before in my life. LOL course life had only been 18 yrs at that point. We hit it off right from the start. We camped, partied, rode the mountains, went to Parksville and Knoxville and Chattanooga partying at every bar we stopped at. We chose our classes to be Tue/Thur classes so we'd have 4 days a week to party. We spent almost every night together somewhere either her parents house or my parents house or throwing out lounge chairs and sleeping bags somewhere in the mountains. At the time I cooked at a place in the am and was the bartender at night down stairs in the same place. Many nights we threw the sleeping bags on the dance floor and slept in the bar.We had the same name and it was hilarious when the phone would ring in the early AM and my dad would come to the door open it both of us sit straight up in the bed, and he says,--------telephone and at the same time we'd say which one, he'd say GD it I don't know just one of ya answer the phone! LOL Eventually my parents moved and we got a rental place on the TN river. Those were the times of our lives. As you that know me can imagine, my love of fishing and back then partying. We invented stuff to cook, the local bars were always full of construction workers and there was always a singer. If someone asked her to dance and she for whatever reason didnt want to be out there she'd motion and I'd cut in and finish the dance with her LOL. We sang, we had similar religious beliefs, we were just having fun being rebellious as we were both raised so strictly. Then she moved back to her parents after about 3 yrs and married a guy from there. We still touch base occasionally, but we certainly had a blast finishing growing up together. I tell people I was raised in SC, but I grew up in TN, but that is another story all together in my journey in the school of hard knocks.

[amiyesiam]

Originally Posted by Corkey

My best friend listens without judging
My best friend holds my truth
My best friend makes me laugh
My best friend keeps me honest
My best friend calls me on my shit
My best friend heals me
My best friend keeps my secrets
My best friend lets me act an ass when I feel like it
My best friend soothes my soul
My best friend kicks my ass when needed
My best friend loves me unconditionally
My best friend is my wife.

I love you you are my best friend too!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Growing up I had walls up between my siblings and myself because of the disfunction caused by my bio-father. It is the divide and conquor theory in action (he was in the army). However, when my beloved sister, JoAnn, came down with skin cancer, it just changed everything. And I mean every little thing.

Words were said that were long overdue. And we held each other like we never did before. I even kissed my sister on her cheek. Before she was nervous around me, and then she realized how silly it was. I was her adorable little brother. I was different, but I made it perfectly clear to everyone how important my sister was to me. I was the first one to donate blood, and be denied. I was the first one to offer bone marrow, and denied. Everything I could offer to save her life, I would have done in an instant. I was just too sickly to do because of my diabetes or something else going on with my health.

When she died, it was like a chunk of my heart went with her. I miss her each and every day. I get it. I messed up. I left people out of my life for whatever reason, but now I am trying to include everyone. Those who wish to decline, that is on them - not me.

My lesson is that people come first in every little or big thing. Life is just too short. I never ever want to be caught like this again. Never. Ever.

Andrew

[Lady Jewel]

My Grandma Ruth was my best friend, my teacher, my sister, my mentor, and my soulmate. She listened without judgement. Taught without lecturing. Gave without expecting anything in return. Shared unconditionally with an open spirit. The world was her child that she loved. My Grandmother was everything a best friend should be. Gawd, I miss her.

Jewel

[Diva]

Originally Posted by Lady Jewel

My Grandma Ruth was my best friend, my teacher, my sister, my mentor, and my soulmate. She listened without judgement. Taught without lecturing. Gave without expecting anything in return. Shared unconditionally with an open spirit. The world was her child that she loved. My Grandmother was everything a best friend should be. Gawd, I miss her.

Jewel

That is so lovely, Jewel....thank You for posting this.....just beautiful!

[Hack]

Because of my line of work, I tend to know a ton of people, but I only keep a very close circle of friends. And the people I trust I can count on one hand.

That said, nearly all my close friends are people I met through my work. I tend to gravitate toward creative or political types. And they tend to be low maintenance friends who don't get all bent out of shape if I go weeks without seeing them because I'm too busy at work. They get what I do, and know it is important to me.

My closest friends are straight males. I have few close female friends.

[Lady_Di]

I can absolutely count on my best friend, absolutely. And she can depend on me for whatever it is she may need, forevermore. I adore her partner and her whole family feels like my family. We have all voiced that we are indeed family of choice for each other, though we still do love our families of origin, we have some issues shall we say... LOL

We met back in Salt Lake City many years ago, both of us going thru a rough time, and we helped each other out. Got thru it and grew in spirit together. We helped each other make so many positive changes in our respective lives. I respect her so dang much. I love her trained legal mind and her compassion for all animals of the planet. Her pet rescue history is epic, she is my hero.

We are truly there for each other. Will drop things in a red hot minute should either of us need something or what not.

Just today, I mentioned what my plans were for tomorrow and Monday, taking a load down to NM from here. And she has offered me her Lexus 4x4, which has a lot more room to pack things into. Which means less for my brother to have to take for me, next week. Might even be able to have it completely done by next weekend, which simply amazes me. I have til the 23rd to get everything out and clean, sparkling. I am ever so grateful for a best friend such as my K. Who I have a feeling will be helping me put the spit and polish on this place, so I can get my deposit back in full.

I am blessed and I know it well, deep down into my very soul.

[Sarafemme]

I have always struggled with making friends (I'm an introvert who prefers to spend time alone, reading), let alone a best friend.

Two years ago, I met a woman online through a fanfiction-writing Website. Unlike most of the writers there, she was older (31) and a very talented writer. I was instantly drawn to her characterizations, and wanted to get to know her better.

It turned out we had a lot in common: In addition to enjoying writing, reading, and similar music, we were both married to men and childless and felt we had creative callings in our lives. After some months, she finally admitted to me that I was her best friend; she had always felt closer to men as friends and figured she would not have a female best friend again, for some reason. She was gratified that I was the one.

Needless to say, I was elated by this, and quickly returned the feelings. The next few months, we talked to each other in almost-romantic terms (lots of "my girl" and "my love"; anyone reading our communication would have thought we were in a blossoming romantic relationship. Well, it turns out, one of us was....

Quite simply, I developed a huge emotional crush on my friend. I would save endearing comments she had for me in a Word file and look at them when I was feeling down about something. I would long to talk to her every day, and when she wasn't around, I mourned. I wonder if I had done something to upset her.

Meanwhile, irony of ironies, my bestie, who was happily married and had always ID'd as straight, managed to develop a crush on a mutual online (girl) friend of ours. She did and felt similar things that I felt toward her. She told me all of this. My heart broke over and over again.

Finally, my friend called me out on my crush on her, saying she had known about it for a long time, and that to admit I was at least bisexual wouldn't have to change the way I interacted with men and women in my life; that I had, in fact, been living with it for most of my life as it was, but was just unwilling to admit it. She said she didn't feel weird about my crush and just wanted me to be honest with myself about my feelings, and that we were still best friends. (This was also about the time her own girl-crush was waning).

So, despite my crush, we are still best friends. We hope to meet in person someday (we live a 12-hour drive apart). I credit my best friend for helping me face the parts of me I was too scared to face, for helping me become more authentically /myself/, and still loving me anyway. I'm lucky to have 'met' her.

[wahya]

My bestfriend is a gay man named Mike. We met & grew up in Germany in the early 80's. We have been in constant contact and have lived with each other off and on. Being a military brat .its hard to always to maintain friendships but we have for 32 yrs. I MEAN the best of friends. We learned guitar together written songs together. etc. in 1993 he was diognosed with HIV that crushed me. Of course not as bad as he. But fast forward to now. He is still with us. he is in his last stage of aids and is slowly dying ....just as my heart is. When we talk on the phone. He lives in houston I live in Ma. I went to see him last summer it was horrific. I thought I could handle it. I couldn't. I know it was the last time I would see him alive. I love and trust him. and whasever happens i will always be here for thid wondeful man.