What Cracked You Up Today? - Page 74

easygoingfemme · 01-08-2017, 06:24 PM

I can't even get into it all. I've laughed so much in the last 24 hours that my abs and face hurt. Let's just say my weekend on the mountain with my friends was epic.

Wrang1er · 01-13-2017, 07:23 PM

I know I am always posting about my nephews but they definitely crack me up. Jefferson, the 6 yr old, was dancing and started twerking. I laughed so hard I almost passed out!

Canela · 01-13-2017, 07:31 PM

Coded messages...(adorbs)

A. Spectre · 01-13-2017, 07:31 PM

I set myself on fire.

Yes, that warrants a crack me up. There is a ledge in front of the fireplace where I sit to put my boots on. THIS time, I had on my big jacket, leaned back and smelled something a little funny. Smoke wafted in my peripheral and oh boy! I ran outside and rolled in the snow!

All is well, and I feel totally stupid.

easygoingfemme · 01-15-2017, 09:01 AM

My raccoon eyes when I sneezed right after putting on mascara. #femmethings.

Kätzchen · 01-17-2017, 11:40 AM

I colored two pictures recently: one, that's an adorable depiction of a giraffe couple in love, and another picture depicting and angry Great White Shark with blood red teeth and jaws. I framed them both and the pictures hang on my bedroom wall... but the other night when Juan was here, he complimented my colored drawings. I told him that the shark was born out of our love making, *lol*. The look on his face cracked me up, that night, but whenever I look up at my colored drawings now, I crack up in giggles because of our private conversation about our "baby" and the priceless look on Juan's face after hearing my rationale on how we gave birth to an angry shark (lololol).

A. Spectre · 01-21-2017, 09:11 AM

A couple of months ago, I purchased 'Dump Trump' dog waste bags. I use them every day to clean up after my dogs. Last evening, I took one of the dogs on a walk at a park behind the house, she did her business and I went to clean it up when an elderly couple were walking towards us and noticed the waste bag. Their eyes were super big and they both started laughing hysterically. He said, "this has been one of the worst days of my life and thank you for this gift of laughter, albeit momentary."

We engaged in a brief but lovely conversation. They are both retired professors with 4 children, one of whom is a gay man they have loved and supported.

I will remember that moment where the three of us forgot, if only for a moment the gloom of the political events of yesterday.

Here are the bags.

cinnamongrrl · 01-21-2017, 09:42 AM

Watching Trump in church made me laugh so hard I had to leave the room (I'm at work)

He so obviously didn't have a damn clue

JDeere · 01-21-2017, 10:00 AM

A. Spectre · 01-26-2017, 02:12 PM

Female Legislators Unveil Male Ejaculation Bill Forbidding The Disposal Of Unused Semen

WASHINGTON, DC (By J. McConkey)—A group of leading female legislators have enacted a new bill that forbids American men from disposing of “unused” sperm, requiring them to bring any recreational semen to a nearby fertility clinic.

According to noted alternative facts specialist, Stephanie Yorke, sperm is intended for “procreation only” and not to be “wasted” on pleasure:

“Any sperm not being used for the purpose of procreation must be immediately donated to a sperm bank,” Yorke warned. “Failure to do so will lead to hefty fines and ultimately, incarceration, under the new ‘Level Playing Field Bill’.”

In response, leading male medical academics have raised concerns that refraining from masturbation would be hazardous to men’s testicular health, increasing their chances of prostate cancer.

Dr. David Ambrose hit out at the bill, claiming it put American men in the very difficult position of having to father and immediately surrender a child, everytime they ejaculate. He claims this will have very negative effects on men’s long-term mental health.

http://www.burrardstreetjournal.com/...culation-bill/

Blade · 02-04-2017, 10:21 PM

While watching texas flip n move, one of the Snow sisters said "the ice box" will go right there. Cracked me up because Ive never heard it called that except by my grandma and she's been gone over 30 years.

easygoingfemme · 02-04-2017, 10:26 PM

Passing notes back and forth with my daughter tonight, rather than speaking. Some notes were words, some were just silly drawings.

Also, getting my old lady cat high on catnip she was begging for. Then seeing her little brother roll around in the leftover catnip and then get in a wrestling match with the other sister cat. They went at it hard and little sister cat, who was not high on catnip, won an indisputable win.

Jesse · 02-06-2017, 05:18 PM

A few moments ago, I cleared all of the texts from my phone, plugged the charger in and set it down a couple of feet away from where I am sitting. About a minute later I hear a distinctly female voice say, "If you just said something, I did not hear what it was!" I was somewhat surprised, seeing as I live alone and the radio/tv are not on. Lol! Then I realised my phone was speaking to me. As it turns out, I had accidently hit Google speak as I was laying the phone down.

Canela · 02-06-2017, 07:40 PM

A meme on FB my crazy friend posted. It was hilarious. Something about the wife asking if he wanted chicken, lamb or fish for dinner and the husband says chicken. She says "You're eating soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat"!

I wasn't ready for that...lmbo!
( Yes, I'm about as crazy as he is. )

Medusa · 02-06-2017, 07:52 PM

Conversation with a co-worker:

Them: "Remember that diet pill back in the 90's that gave everyone the runs?"

Me: "Oh yeah! They would poop orange grease?"

Them: "YES! Can you believe people still took that even though it did that?"

Me: "Listen we've got a pile of greasy, orange shit in the White House as we speak so yeah, I can believe it."

Them: "But they PAID for that! That pile of shit BOUGHT his!"

Kenna · 02-06-2017, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

Conversation with a co-worker:

Them: "Remember that diet pill back in the 90's that gave everyone the runs?"

Me: "Oh yeah! They would poop orange grease?"

Them: "YES! Can you believe people still took that even though it did that?"

Me: "Listen we've got a pile of greasy, orange shit in the White House as we speak so yeah, I can believe it."

Them: "But they PAID for that! That pile of shit BOUGHT his!"

Please make that into a cartoon strip, with a blip of the pile of greasy, orange shit sitting behind his desk, and submit it to all the right places. I'm sure there will be at least one to print it!

Medusa · 02-08-2017, 08:09 PM

Watching JD on FaceTime and seeing a remnant of a ring around his wrist from one of the 30 pairs of rubber gloves he wears every day.

My face:

"Um, sweetie? Is that a piece of a rubber glove?"

JD:

Kenna · 02-08-2017, 09:56 PM

Listening to funny stories about an expensive truck wash that resulted in a dirty truck, and other funny stories of the Life and Travels of Blade. (I think he still needs to start a blog about "how does this shit happen")

And reading an article where Pink was quoted calling Trump "our so called leader"....LOVED THAT and love gutzy, strong willed Pink.

Kenna · 02-12-2017, 03:13 PM

My best friend telling me to go get my hair cut. (My wild curls after my shower must have scared them.)

Orema · 02-15-2017, 08:43 AM

Hearing that the BeyHive went after Carlos Santana and he had to "clarify" his comments.

Too funny.

01-13-2017, 07:31 PM	#1463
Canela Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Babe, she, her, ella Relationship Status: Well loved… Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 2,375 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,644 Thanked 6,502 Times in 1,694 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Coded messages...(adorbs) __________________ . . . . . Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

01-13-2017, 07:31 PM	#1464
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,569 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,033 Thanked 11,079 Times in 1,496 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I set myself on fire. Yes, that warrants a crack me up. There is a ledge in front of the fireplace where I sit to put my boots on. THIS time, I had on my big jacket, leaned back and smelled something a little funny. Smoke wafted in my peripheral and oh boy! I ran outside and rolled in the snow! All is well, and I feel totally stupid. __________________ * * *Joy and Sorrow are Inseparable

01-21-2017, 09:11 AM	#1467
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,569 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,033 Thanked 11,079 Times in 1,496 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	A couple of months ago, I purchased 'Dump Trump' dog waste bags. I use them every day to clean up after my dogs. Last evening, I took one of the dogs on a walk at a park behind the house, she did her business and I went to clean it up when an elderly couple were walking towards us and noticed the waste bag. Their eyes were super big and they both started laughing hysterically. He said, "this has been one of the worst days of my life and thank you for this gift of laughter, albeit momentary." We engaged in a brief but lovely conversation. They are both retired professors with 4 children, one of whom is a gay man they have loved and supported. I will remember that moment where the three of us forgot, if only for a moment the gloom of the political events of yesterday. Here are the bags. __________________ * * *Joy and Sorrow are Inseparable

01-21-2017, 09:42 AM	#1468
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,247 Thanked 27,604 Times in 6,959 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Watching Trump in church made me laugh so hard I had to leave the room (I'm at work) He so obviously didn't have a damn clue __________________

01-21-2017, 10:00 AM	#1469
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	HAHAHAHAHAHA! Worry Bout Yourself

01-08-2017, 06:24 PM	#1461
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,692 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 14,972 Times in 3,318 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I can't even get into it all. I've laughed so much in the last 24 hours that my abs and face hurt. Let's just say my weekend on the mountain with my friends was epic.

01-13-2017, 07:23 PM	#1462
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I know I am always posting about my nephews but they definitely crack me up. Jefferson, the 6 yr old, was dancing and started twerking. I laughed so hard I almost passed out!

01-15-2017, 09:01 AM	#1465
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,692 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 14,972 Times in 3,318 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My raccoon eyes when I sneezed right after putting on mascara. #femmethings.

01-17-2017, 11:40 AM	#1466
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: As a very feminine woman. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Near smoke signals in the sky. Posts: 16,209 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,450 Thanked 33,612 Times in 10,707 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	I colored two pictures recently: one, that's an adorable depiction of a giraffe couple in love, and another picture depicting and angry Great White Shark with blood red teeth and jaws. I framed them both and the pictures hang on my bedroom wall... but the other night when Juan was here, he complimented my colored drawings. I told him that the shark was born out of our love making, lol. The look on his face cracked me up, that night, but whenever I look up at my colored drawings now, I crack up in giggles because of our private conversation about our "baby" and the priceless look on Juan's face after hearing my rationale on how we gave birth to an angry shark (lololol).

01-26-2017, 02:12 PM	#1470
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,569 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,033 Thanked 11,079 Times in 1,496 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Female Legislators Unveil Male Ejaculation Bill Forbidding The Disposal Of Unused Semen WASHINGTON, DC (By J. McConkey)—A group of leading female legislators have enacted a new bill that forbids American men from disposing of “unused” sperm, requiring them to bring any recreational semen to a nearby fertility clinic. According to noted alternative facts specialist, Stephanie Yorke, sperm is intended for “procreation only” and not to be “wasted” on pleasure: “Any sperm not being used for the purpose of procreation must be immediately donated to a sperm bank,” Yorke warned. “Failure to do so will lead to hefty fines and ultimately, incarceration, under the new ‘Level Playing Field Bill’.” In response, leading male medical academics have raised concerns that refraining from masturbation would be hazardous to men’s testicular health, increasing their chances of prostate cancer. Dr. David Ambrose hit out at the bill, claiming it put American men in the very difficult position of having to father and immediately surrender a child, everytime they ejaculate. He claims this will have very negative effects on men’s long-term mental health. http://www.burrardstreetjournal.com/...culation-bill/ __________________ * * *Joy and Sorrow are Inseparable

02-04-2017, 10:21 PM	#1471
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	While watching texas flip n move, one of the Snow sisters said "the ice box" will go right there. Cracked me up because Ive never heard it called that except by my grandma and she's been gone over 30 years. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

02-04-2017, 10:26 PM	#1472
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,692 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 14,972 Times in 3,318 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Passing notes back and forth with my daughter tonight, rather than speaking. Some notes were words, some were just silly drawings. Also, getting my old lady cat high on catnip she was begging for. Then seeing her little brother roll around in the leftover catnip and then get in a wrestling match with the other sister cat. They went at it hard and little sister cat, who was not high on catnip, won an indisputable win.

02-06-2017, 05:18 PM	#1473
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,782 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	A few moments ago, I cleared all of the texts from my phone, plugged the charger in and set it down a couple of feet away from where I am sitting. About a minute later I hear a distinctly female voice say, "If you just said something, I did not hear what it was!" I was somewhat surprised, seeing as I live alone and the radio/tv are not on. Lol! Then I realised my phone was speaking to me. As it turns out, I had accidently hit Google speak as I was laying the phone down. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

02-06-2017, 07:40 PM	#1474
Canela Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Babe, she, her, ella Relationship Status: Well loved… Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 2,375 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,644 Thanked 6,502 Times in 1,694 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	A meme on FB my crazy friend posted. It was hilarious. Something about the wife asking if he wanted chicken, lamb or fish for dinner and the husband says chicken. She says "You're eating soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat"! I wasn't ready for that...lmbo! ( Yes, I'm about as crazy as he is. ) __________________ . . . . . Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

02-06-2017, 07:52 PM	#1475
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,683 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	Conversation with a co-worker: Them: "Remember that diet pill back in the 90's that gave everyone the runs?" Me: "Oh yeah! They would poop orange grease?" Them: "YES! Can you believe people still took that even though it did that?" Me: "Listen we've got a pile of greasy, orange shit in the White House as we speak so yeah, I can believe it." Them: "But they PAID for that! That pile of shit BOUGHT his!" __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

02-08-2017, 08:09 PM	#1477
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,683 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	Watching JD on FaceTime and seeing a remnant of a ring around his wrist from one of the 30 pairs of rubber gloves he wears every day. My face: "Um, sweetie? Is that a piece of a rubber glove?" JD: __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

02-08-2017, 09:56 PM	#1478
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Listening to funny stories about an expensive truck wash that resulted in a dirty truck, and other funny stories of the Life and Travels of Blade. (I think he still needs to start a blog about "how does this shit happen") And reading an article where Pink was quoted calling Trump "our so called leader"....LOVED THAT and love gutzy, strong willed Pink. __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

02-12-2017, 03:13 PM	#1479
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	My best friend telling me to go get my hair cut. (My wild curls after my shower must have scared them.) __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

02-15-2017, 08:43 AM	#1480
Orema Superlative Soul Sister How Do You Identify?: Lesbian stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Moving in a single file and sometimes a sinner. Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Cottage of Content Posts: 13,689 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 41,476 Thanked 34,735 Times in 8,962 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Hearing that the BeyHive went after Carlos Santana and he had to "clarify" his comments. Too funny.