Talkin' 'bout love...

[Bit]

Hey, so many times people need a place to ask things like "how do I know it's love?" or "how do I tell if I've ever been in love, as opposed to just loving someone?"

Well, I haven't got a good articulation on the first one, but I have thoughts on that second one and I don't wish to lose them *soft smile* so voila, a thread on love. Use it as you see fit.

[Bit]

My thoughts: The only difference I personally have found between "love" and "romantic love" is that when it's "romantic love" I want to have sex with the person.

I am truly serious here; if you (you in general) don't love your partner the way you love a best friend, if you don't trust your partner with your child's life, if you wouldn't give your partner a kidney.... why are they your partner? What the heck do you get out of the relationship, if you don't have that level of trust and love?

"Being in love" is, I think, the lust and infatuation phase of "romantic love." If you're high on being with someone, you are "being in love." It cannot last forever for normal people. We fall out of "being in love"... the question is, what do we fall INTO?

In my case, I fall into the kind of love where I would give my kidney, my lung, one eye and half my liver without thinking twice if my love needed them.

Not only that, but in Gryph's case? I would give him Lady.

I suspect he might be the only one who understands that I would be giving him half my soul... and that understanding is why I could give her to him. He would cherish her forever.

"Being in love" is highly overrated. I personally don't need to live my life high, stoned on lust and hormones; I need to live it real, with both feet solidly on the ground and someone next to me just as solid. I need to live life loving each other for the long haul. I need to live life connected with a broad deep love that flows like a river to the sea, constant and self-replenishing; a love that uses all things, even the storms of life, to deepen and renew itself; a love that sustains vibrant life all around and brings richness to everything it touches.

[espressolover83]

I guess there's no fast and hard rule to know when it is considered that it is love. It's a feeling more than anything else. I don't try to rationalise these things, as what they say is true - love knows no reason.

Romantic love? Well. If it is love towards a partner, it is always romantic love - is it not? Love is quite broad and the most defined word. I think love is of different levels and different kinds i.e., filial love, love for a best friend, love for a sister/brother, etc.

So when people fall out of love - I guess this is when they don't feel the same way anymore and either do not want to reconcile their feelings anymore. Or, they found someone else to love.

And when you're in love, I guess you just know it. It's a feeling like no other.

[D-Money]

i think *all* love is the same.

we love our partners, our children, our parents and siblings, all the people we love ... it's all the same love.

we just interpret and express that love differently in different relationships and situations.

the idea of "being in love" ... i think that's what happens when a fiar dose of lust is mixed in

one more thing about love: i believe we choose to love ... and we can also choose not to love. i do NOT think that loving or not loving is something beyond our control.

[girl_dee]

@ Bit..

I think some people fall in love .. find a soulmate ( am not a fan of that word but yaknow) or a lifemate...

I think some people fall in lust.. find a lustmate

It's all specific to ones needs and desires..

I am SO blessed to have found a lifemate who I lust after..

[Bit]

{{{{{{{{{{{Espresso, Donna, Sassy}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh my, I think I might have forgotten to subscribe to this thread, lol--I started it before I set my preferences--so I didn't know anyone had answered! *laughing*

Thank you all for your input. I don't know if I believe that we choose to love or to not love *tilts head, considering* but I do believe that we choose to be obsessed or to let go. I've seen an awful lot of people refuse to let go and admit that they didn't get what they wanted. Over the years I've learned the hard way that you can never judge by only side of the story. So many times I have believed the person who told me there was something between them and another person--and taken their side completely when the other person behaved like an ass!--only to find out later that it was a one-sided relationship; the other person had not made any promises, didn't consider themselves in a relationship anymore, had moved on with their life, and by any reasonable standards had not been an ass at all.

I like the soulmate/lifemate/lustmate distinction. Mercedes Lackey has a term, "lifebonded" that just feels right to me; it feels like being woven together.

Thanks again! I enjoyed reading your posts!

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Hmmm I would have no idea that I was really "in love" with my ex's or just "being in love" with the whole idea of being with them and living with them, etc.

[atomiczombie]

I have fallen madly and deeply in love exactly twice. There have been others that I have loved deeply, but only 2 who I can honestly say I wanted to spend my life with them. It didn't work out, but that's life. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel that way about someone again, but some part of me doubts I will get that lucky.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Bit

"Being in love" is highly overrated. I personally don't need to live my life high, stoned on lust and hormones; I need to live it real, with both feet solidly on the ground and someone next to me just as solid. I need to live life loving each other for the long haul. I need to live life connected with a broad deep love that flows like a river to the sea, constant and self-replenishing; a love that uses all things, even the storms of life, to deepen and renew itself; a love that sustains vibrant life all around and brings richness to everything it touches.

I like your thoughts on this.

Of course, I enjoy the butterflies and anticipation in the beginning of a new relationship but it's the foundation underneath all that schmoopy stuff that I need. It needs to be solid and true.

[Hudson]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP5JzWDWcoo"]YouTube- Mr Mrs Smith -love[/ame]

[Laidbackgrly]

me I cant wait to be with that person I break my legs gettin outta work to go home to her all I can think about is her I cant wait to find that again I wonder if it will happen again

[Rockinonahigh]

This love you speak of,it is the thing we all go nuts after,try so hard to hold on to only to fall flat when its gone...then we do it alllllllll over again.Hummmm I think I will just sit and read cause this could very intresting.

[Ginger]

I trust a person's actions more than her words.

Sometimes people lie to themselves, and from that place, lie to their partner. They don't mean to do so—but it happens. Meanwhile, their actions tell the truth.

I have done this, too.

We humans struggle.

[Turtle]

I ran into a good old friend yesterday. I hadn't seen him for about 8 years. I have thought of him often over time. I love him, deeply. I think of him and feel him as what I call a "Soul buddy." We "get" each other, we feel each other, and we are VERY comfortable with each other. Do we want to have sex, no. Would I give him a kidney...probably.

In dating, I think there can be this initial electricity in being the focus of someone's attention that can be sexy and mood elevating and great fun...and it can deepen into a lasting relationship, but often doesn't.

For me, it's whether or not I feel like the other person has touched my soul that determines whether or not I call it and feel it as love. Does that soul touch always involve kidney donation - no. I'll still call it love, though. Does that soultouch mean I want to marry them - no. Can it happen with someone I meet in the course of my day at work - yes. Will I think of that person with love in my heart - yes.

For me, I love freely with my heart. For me, in my primary settled down coming home to you every night relationship I want and need a deep soulfelt love, trust, depth, caring, and responsibility in thought and action.

The original questions of "how do I know it's love?" - for me, it's the touch of my soul.

And "what do we fall into?" - I think that the "fall in love" thing is the high energy of a new exciting focus mixed in with sexual energy. I believe it is possible to keep that feeling alive even if that "newness" lasts for 35 years.

[macele]

a partner is sometimes about companionship. being in love is not a part of the equation. but that just depends on where 2 people are in their lives. example: amelia earhart and george putnam had a pre-marital aggreement. it seems more like companionship rather than being in love. for sure by amelia. http://www.lib.purdue.edu/spcol/aearhart/marriage.php

being in love is to want to know everything there is about the other person. wanting to give them pleasure in all directions of their lives. just can't seem to get enough.

people change. change isn't always a bad thing. i've never stopped loving anyone. the being in love part changed. i'm not a fan of the pharse "falling out of love".

i adore the thought of a soulmate. i don't think i should be fixated on one. i think i can have more than one in my lifetime. does every one find a soulmate?

i know that i need to really focus on communication. i don't do that well. if two people really get to know selves and share that knowing in a communicative way, ... most likely the lifetime relationship will be found.

i've often wondered, does our own hearts deceive us? it's possible. it could be said that the deception is not by the heart, but instead, things such as lust. and i tend to go with my heart doesn't ask me for permission to love. so that thing i call heart, in my opinion, can absolutely do whatever it wants.

[mariamma]

Love is something I spend a lot of time mulling over. I've loved deeply yet never get what I'm seeking from my love relationships. My heart has been broken yet I have left everyone except my first GF and BF. And I do energy work. I work on hormones, neurotransmitters and the other trace protein structures that make us all feel/do what we feel/do.
Love is a combination of testosterone, estrogen, oxytocin, vasopressin, prolactin and it's all run by dopamine. It's amazing to hear scientists talk about the neural pathways and how the brain reacts to love. A recent NY times article said (a paraphrase) when we're born, the high amount of O makes us bond with our families and we spend the rest of our lives seeking THAT level of O. V makes us swoon (vasopressin is also called antidiuretic hormone) at the sight/thought of our love. P is released involuntarily during orgasm and is involved with sexual gratification. They use it as a marker for seizure behavior because all muscles will clench when one has a seizure.
All this studying and research has me pensive, brooding and pining for what I don't have. I know I love deep and hard. I feel it may be that I am setting the bar out of human reach. I have to be happy with the notion that I've had my share of love and what I'm looking for...probably won't happen this life time. Am I looking for the O I felt at birth? Maybe. My mother never loved or cared for me. I believe she is a pathological liar and probably has a huge hand in why I'm as empathic as I am now. When one says a lie, I see and feel it immediately (thanks to O).
Anyways....I love love. Just wish love loved me as much as I love love.

[macele]

hey mariam. just from your words, i feel that you can do anything you set your mind to. i believe that of everyone, but not everyone gives off a vibe such as yours, ... hoping to make sense here. i feel an understanding from you. an understanding of what love is all about. timing, where we are in life, ... plays a major role in finding love. i'd bet on you. i believe you'll find. be good to yourself. you are loved.

[Quintease]

They make you want to be a better person (of course 'better' is all a matter of perspective).

They also make you want to have sex with them, usually only if it's romantic love.

[Ginger]

For me, love goes away when someone treats me in an unloving way, over a long period of time.

I feel deeply hurt, then angry, then indifferent.

Sometimes I can come back from that place, but not always.

[mariamma]

Thank you Macele *curtseys*