Corny jokes - Page 2

Mopsie · 08-06-2013, 10:30 AM

Why do so few melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

Janstevie · 08-06-2013, 11:30 AM

I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!

nycfem · 08-06-2013, 11:33 AM

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Wrang1er · 08-06-2013, 11:34 AM

What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button?

The middle of the KNIGHT.

Wrang1er · 08-06-2013, 11:35 AM

Why was the tomato blushing?

It saw the salad dressing.

Janstevie · 08-06-2013, 12:40 PM

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

Gráinne · 08-06-2013, 02:05 PM

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...)

#1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain.

One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!"

"No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla".

The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas.

A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla".

A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!"

#2

A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week".

When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"."

So the baker says "Come back in another week".

When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man.

"Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker.

"Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man.

Heavenleahangel · 08-06-2013, 04:19 PM

What is brown, has 8 legs and carries a suitcase? A spider going on vacation!!!

Inked_Trinity · 08-06-2013, 05:11 PM

What's green and sings???

Elivs Parsley of course!

Heavenleahangel · 08-06-2013, 05:15 PM

What time was it when the elephant sat on the fence? Time to get a new fence!!!

What's black and white and read all over? A newspaper!
What's black and what and red all over? A zebra with a sunburn!

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "got any gwapes?"
The bartender says "No! Get out of here!"
Next day the duck walks into the same bar and says "Got any gwapes?" The bartender says "No! I already told you I don't have any grapes. If you come back, I'm going to nail your duck feet to the counter!"
Third day the duck walked back into the bar and asks the bartender "Got any nails?" The bartender says "No!" "Good" says the duck! "Got any gwapes???"

Janstevie · 08-07-2013, 10:13 AM

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Mopsie · 08-07-2013, 10:36 AM

Why was the belt arrested?

It held up a pair of pants.

Cid · 08-07-2013, 10:46 AM

Guy and a giraffe go into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor.
Next guy comes in and says, "who's that lyin' on the floor?"
Bartender says,"that's no lion, it's a giraffe."

deb0670 · 08-07-2013, 11:42 AM

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Cause if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

Mopsie · 08-07-2013, 03:45 PM

What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom at the end of their first date?

You're a fungi!

Mopsie · 08-08-2013, 08:29 AM

Why are there gates around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.

Janstevie · 08-08-2013, 11:19 AM

I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.

Blade · 08-09-2013, 04:22 PM

what do you call a camel without any humps?

Humphrey

VintageFemme · 08-10-2013, 06:52 AM

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?

Mopsie · 08-10-2013, 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wrang1er

You stay here. I'll go on a head.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaige

What’s Irish and stays out all night?

Pati-o furniture :-p

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollylane

What does a mermaid wear to math class?

An algae-bra.

I worked at my part time job last night. I told my client the first three jokes from this thread. She loved them! She laughed so hard I thought she was going to spit out her meds.

Thanks for all the jokes everybody - keep them coming!

08-06-2013, 10:30 AM	#21
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,551 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	One of the other case managers just told me this one ... Why do so few melons get married? Because they cantaloupe!

08-06-2013, 11:33 AM	#23
nycfem Moderator How Do You Identify?: femme sub Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Grrl Relationship Status: Attached Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 6,795 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52,988 Thanked 21,426 Times in 5,101 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" __________________ *** How do I... ?** Check out the Members Helping Members thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...embers+Helping

08-06-2013, 02:05 PM	#27
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,118 Thanked 7,386 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...) #1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain. One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!" "No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla". The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas. A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla". A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!" #2 A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week". When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"." So the baker says "Come back in another week". When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man. "Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker. "Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

08-06-2013, 04:19 PM	#28
Heavenleahangel Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Femme; Earth bound Angel and Babygirl; Preferred Pronoun?: She, Angel, as long as it's respectful Relationship Status: Waiting for the One who can complete me Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Albany, NY~but originally from Georgia Posts: 562 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,257 Thanked 2,068 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 18675554	What is brown, has 8 legs and carries a suitcase? A spider going on vacation!!! __________________ Sweet Georgia Peach

08-06-2013, 05:11 PM	#29
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,926 Times in 1,818 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	What's green and sings??? Elivs Parsley of course! __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

08-06-2013, 11:30 AM	#22
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!

08-06-2013, 11:34 AM	#24
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button? The middle of the KNIGHT.

08-06-2013, 11:35 AM	#25
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Why was the tomato blushing? It saw the salad dressing.

08-06-2013, 12:40 PM	#26
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

08-06-2013, 05:15 PM	#30
Heavenleahangel Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Femme; Earth bound Angel and Babygirl; Preferred Pronoun?: She, Angel, as long as it's respectful Relationship Status: Waiting for the One who can complete me Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Albany, NY~but originally from Georgia Posts: 562 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,257 Thanked 2,068 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 18675554	What time was it when the elephant sat on the fence? Time to get a new fence!!! What's black and white and read all over? A newspaper! What's black and what and red all over? A zebra with a sunburn! A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "got any gwapes?" The bartender says "No! Get out of here!" Next day the duck walks into the same bar and says "Got any gwapes?" The bartender says "No! I already told you I don't have any grapes. If you come back, I'm going to nail your duck feet to the counter!" Third day the duck walked back into the bar and asks the bartender "Got any nails?" The bartender says "No!" "Good" says the duck! "Got any gwapes???" __________________ Sweet Georgia Peach

08-07-2013, 10:13 AM	#31
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

08-07-2013, 10:36 AM	#32
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,551 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	^^^ that one reminds me of this one ... Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants.

08-07-2013, 10:46 AM	#33
Cid Member How Do You Identify?: ultra femme princess Preferred Pronoun?: she, lady..whichever Relationship Status: waiting for the right one Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Don't follow me, I'm lost. Posts: 807 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,627 Thanked 2,731 Times in 632 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Guy and a giraffe go into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. Next guy comes in and says, "who's that lyin' on the floor?" Bartender says,"that's no lion, it's a giraffe." __________________ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

08-07-2013, 11:42 AM	#34
deb0670 Member How Do You Identify?: femme/ baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she,her Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2010 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,348 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,520 Thanked 6,026 Times in 1,189 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Cause if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan. __________________ Remember the lessons, forget the details. Use the stumbling blocks of the past as stepping stones to help build the future.

08-07-2013, 03:45 PM	#35
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,551 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom at the end of their first date? You're a fungi!

08-08-2013, 08:29 AM	#36
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,551 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.

08-08-2013, 11:19 AM	#37
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.

08-09-2013, 04:22 PM	#38
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	what do you call a camel without any humps? Humphrey __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

08-10-2013, 06:52 AM	#39
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say apple again? __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity