For the Femme Who Has Everything; V-Day Edition

[Bob]

My friends (and enemies, and indifferent lookers-on),

We are on the eve's eve of one of the more odious made-up-by-the-greeting-card-flowers-and-restaurant-industries holidays. Editorial comments aside, I hope you got your girlfriend something. Or are planning to. Because I'm here to tell you, friends (and enemies, and indifferent lookers-on), I don't care if she tells you she doesn't care about it, or doesn't want to waste money on it, or what have you. She cares. She cares that you care enough to ignore her practical, pragmatic statements for the well-intentioned bullshit that they are and get her a well-considered token of your esteem.

May I suggest that instead of the usual flowers/chocolates/fancy dinner routine, you consider the following product for your ladyfriend? I guarantee that she will never forget it; she will never forget YOU for giving it to her. May not forgive you, either, but I'm not responsible for your relationship issues.

I hereby present you with: My New Pink Button. (http://mynewpinkbutton.com) For the lady who has everything.

You can thank me later.