From the heart of a Tiger

[Gentle Tiger]

Cheeks sunken in

Ribs protruding

Skin pale and dry



Emotionally emaciated

Emotionally scarred

Emotionally anorexic



Emotions lost from not being wanted

Emotions trampled from being beaten

Emotions stolen from being starved

Emotions starved from being locked in a closet for days at a time



Emotions sucked out from being used

Emotions deceived from being lied to

Emotions raped and plundered from being fucked over

Emotions abandoned from years of perfecting the art of self-hatred, self-destruction, self-loathing



Emotionally anorexic



And then you appear

Bidding me to come to the table of your heart and eat

You coax me, nudge me, and challenge me

Being ever so sweet and inviting with your encouragement



But I cannot eat

I do not allow myself to eat

I say it is to protect myself from poison

But is that the truth?



Emotionally starving to death



The truth is I don’t know how to eat

The truth is I am too ashamed to eat

The truth is eating at the table of your heart means I must trust you

And that just cannot be



In times past I have taken in the foods of kindness and tenderness

I have ingested hugs and kisses and strokes of the face

But then with the fingers of poisonous thought and deflection I purged myself of such sustenance

For I have come to believe I am not worthy of such things



I am emotionally anorexic



Yet you come before me with arms open wide

And again bid me to eat of you, to taste your fruits of acceptance and affection

To come to your table and with time become emotionally fat

To enjoy the meats of trust, visibility, patience and understanding

And yet I resist



For I have become comfortable in my state of emotional anorexia

It is my crutch

It is my companion

It is my twisted lover



Emotional anorexia



Yet you come to me and say

Come, eat and drink of me

For I am as no other



I stare at the nourishment you offer me

Moving towards that which I clearly crave

You tell me to eat slowly

Instead I try to consume everything you are for fear that I will never know such a feast again



But the moment my taste buds taste things like acceptance and tenderness

The gastric juices of old tapes, rejection, deception, hurt, torment build

And instead of freely enjoying my seat at the banquet table

I can no longer taste what you offer

I push you away and I vomit until there is only dry heaves



Certain you will be repulsed by my emotional anorexia

Convinced that you will run as you see my difficulty to eat

You surprise me



You help me clean myself off, clean up the mess that I have made

You patiently set the table again, return the chair to its standing position

And gently say to me once more

Come eat, let yourself become fat



Staring at the table you have prepared for me

Having now to make a choice

I slowly begin to eat again and pause to say,


Emotional anorexia…

I bid you good-bye