Click.... when we knew we were feminists

[femmeInterrupted]

It is December, 1989. The Montreal Massacre is all over the news. I am watching in the family room, surrounded by my Father, and 4 brothers. I am 20 years old, and devastated by what I am watching on television. I remember my reaction because it was visceral. It was one of the first times I remember crying with outrage and grief, shock, fear...and anger. My father told me (in front of my brothers) that I was being ridiculous and that 'People died every day'. No biggie.

That experience has stayed with me, to this day.

I have been so lucky and privileged to have had (and have) feminist mentors in my life, which spans and is integrated professionally and personally. My consciousness raising came when I began to study in depth, violence against women, feminism, and 'women's issues'. I recall being overwhelmed with a sense of relief and home-coming, as I listened to these brilliant women, Professors, grass-roots activists, feminists, giving voice and language to issues and realities that had previously only swirled around in my mind, a loosely threaded galaxy of feelings and 'wrongness' that was best articulated and explained in language I had a) never learned despite my education and b) herstory I had never learned despite said education.

My 'clicks' continue to happen as I move through this world. The anti-oppression work, of which my feminism is deeply integrated continues. It's a part of who I am, and how I see the world, how I deconstruct and interpret everything that flows past and through me experientially.

It has lead me to the experience the true joy of sisterhood, the true joy of belonging, the solid and affirming joy of friendship and sisterhood with women.

Despite the ugly harsh reality of women's lived realities, I find emotional and intellectual and political sustenance from threads like this, when I get to read what my sisters are sharing, about their own feminism, their own stories and experiences. The learning and difficult places in my self I've sat through when unlearning. Being the youngest in a circle of crones, I've had my ass handed to me, albeit it respectfully and with grace, a number of times I believe that 'you don't know what you don't know', but I also believe in the responsibility that comes with knowledge once it's yours.

I offer out an appreciation to all my feminist sisters! You all rock!


And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive


Audre Lorde