me , myself and my social stigma

Mormegil · 08-29-2015, 02:29 AM

Ill try to make a long drawn out story as short as possible. I have social anxiety disorder. Have had it since my teens. In my twenties it was out of control and so I never dated. Iam now 31 years old and after much hardwork i can say i pulled myself out of the worst of it and have reached a point i can date and have a life.

For the past 4 years i have tried making friends and attempted dating. Now the issue i keep running into is this... Everytime i meet a woman iam intrested in and she is into me. The topic of past relationships comes up and eventually sex. And thats where it all goes south .

I did date briefly once and she dumped me because she didnt want a relationship. Was very brief , no sex not even a frenchkiss...only kiss i got was like a peck from your sister...which was weird. But anyways...when these two topics of experience and sex come up i find myself stigmatized because i have very little experience and im a virgin. And no i dont run around telling everyone that. But if she asks i wont lie .

I have been mocked , cast aside , treated like a child , made to feel worthless even though i know iam not . I, when flirting with a crush i had last year, was met with remarks like "you wouldnt even know what to do with me" and" you would just be scared of everything". This seems to be the normal respose i get. That im afraid of everything. That i dont want to have sex or that im to scared to be touched. The list goes on and on.

I go from them telling me how great iam. How cute and sweet to them treating me like i have the plague. Ive been told im not a lesbian...how could i be since im a virgin. Ive never been with man or woman so i obviously dont know what im talking about. The one i dated briefly even gave me a ultimatum...if we didnt have sex in six months she would dump me. And im like ..im a virgin not a nun... I want to have sex to but i also dont want to rush. I want to get to know you and enjoy your company before we move to sex . And no it wont take six months...

I have so much to offer. Things that nobody ever sees because im never given a chance. Iam honest , loyal , loving , affectionate, passionate , sexual , attentive ... but My honesty , no matter how well delivered gives me the same response. And it just happened to me again with a woman i liked this week. She doesnt know im a virgin but just lacking experience . And that was it. Not intrested.

I feel like im being placed in emotional solitary confinement due to things i cant control. It feels like punishment.

I have tried being more sociable outside my search for a companionship. With much success. People like me , alot. But when it comes to dating the no experience/virgin thing stigmatizes me with all women that i get to know or that are into me before they find out. Im all wonderful until we get to know eachother more personally and they ask.

I will not lie about it , Iam not ashamed. And i have done nothing wrong . I dont reveal this info to them early. Only when they pressured me to tell them.

I have been offered sex more than a few times casually and turned them down. So coulda had sex like 5 times by now but I require emotions to be involved etc and casuals not my thing.

What can i do? Why is this happening to me? Why do these things turn me from wonderful find into being stigmatized? I deserve love as much as anyone else and i deserve a chance. Sorry for ranting in my search for answers but I just get frustrated about it. Any ideas?

08-29-2015, 02:29 AM	#1
Mormegil Junior Member How Do You Identify?: just myself Preferred Pronoun?: meh Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2014 Location: pensacola , FL Posts: 64 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31 Thanked 184 Times in 50 Posts Rep Power: 1853354	me , myself and my social stigma Ill try to make a long drawn out story as short as possible. I have social anxiety disorder. Have had it since my teens. In my twenties it was out of control and so I never dated. Iam now 31 years old and after much hardwork i can say i pulled myself out of the worst of it and have reached a point i can date and have a life. For the past 4 years i have tried making friends and attempted dating. Now the issue i keep running into is this... Everytime i meet a woman iam intrested in and she is into me. The topic of past relationships comes up and eventually sex. And thats where it all goes south . I did date briefly once and she dumped me because she didnt want a relationship. Was very brief , no sex not even a frenchkiss...only kiss i got was like a peck from your sister...which was weird. But anyways...when these two topics of experience and sex come up i find myself stigmatized because i have very little experience and im a virgin. And no i dont run around telling everyone that. But if she asks i wont lie . I have been mocked , cast aside , treated like a child , made to feel worthless even though i know iam not . I, when flirting with a crush i had last year, was met with remarks like "you wouldnt even know what to do with me" and" you would just be scared of everything". This seems to be the normal respose i get. That im afraid of everything. That i dont want to have sex or that im to scared to be touched. The list goes on and on. I go from them telling me how great iam. How cute and sweet to them treating me like i have the plague. Ive been told im not a lesbian...how could i be since im a virgin. Ive never been with man or woman so i obviously dont know what im talking about. The one i dated briefly even gave me a ultimatum...if we didnt have sex in six months she would dump me. And im like ..im a virgin not a nun... I want to have sex to but i also dont want to rush. I want to get to know you and enjoy your company before we move to sex . And no it wont take six months... I have so much to offer. Things that nobody ever sees because im never given a chance. Iam honest , loyal , loving , affectionate, passionate , sexual , attentive ... but My honesty , no matter how well delivered gives me the same response. And it just happened to me again with a woman i liked this week. She doesnt know im a virgin but just lacking experience . And that was it. Not intrested. I feel like im being placed in emotional solitary confinement due to things i cant control. It feels like punishment. I have tried being more sociable outside my search for a companionship. With much success. People like me , alot. But when it comes to dating the no experience/virgin thing stigmatizes me with all women that i get to know or that are into me before they find out. Im all wonderful until we get to know eachother more personally and they ask. I will not lie about it , Iam not ashamed. And i have done nothing wrong . I dont reveal this info to them early. Only when they pressured me to tell them. I have been offered sex more than a few times casually and turned them down. So coulda had sex like 5 times by now but I require emotions to be involved etc and casuals not my thing. What can i do? Why is this happening to me? Why do these things turn me from wonderful find into being stigmatized? I deserve love as much as anyone else and i deserve a chance. Sorry for ranting in my search for answers but I just get frustrated about it. Any ideas? __________________ "All is full of love"