Caregivers and Stress

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

First thank you for all of the notes and support. i appreciate it. i appreciate this space as well.

Yesterday my mom moved. Turns out she isn't so helpless after all. She is now living in the middle of no where but close to her sister. i hope this works out, because i can't bail her out this time. She will be great during the honeymoon period. This is her pattern. For 50 years she moves every couple of years. Never happy with where she is.

She is REALLY angry with me. She said she just gave up on me "wanting her to be close to me". She really expected me to move her out here with me. She is SO bitter. She doesn't want to hear how happy i am, she just resents it.

We had a talk in the car last weekend. She feels i have done something TO her by living my own life. i noticed that during our talk, everything came back to her being a victim somehow, because everyone is living their lives. i was not even able to tell her what a great time i had in California, it just makes her more angry. i am so frustrated!

Now my aunt is "her person". The one who is doing for her, catering to her, is her only "one' and the rest of us are traitors. My mother has always had someone close to her to spoil her, then when it wears off she moves on and they are become the devil. i do believe she has run out of options, and this is all she can get. She has hated this sister of hers forever, now she is her best friend.

i gave her some money for the move. Its the only thing i could think of to do. i think its just a reflex to try to get her approval somehow.

Her words cut yesterday, but i am getting numb to it, i think.My reaction wasn't as bad as it has been. i just want to be able to love her without resentment and anger. i don't remember what she is like without all of that.

UPDATE!

My mom hasn't even slept in the new place yet. Has decided she hates it there. She is settled in to my Aunt's house, who has told my sister she needs to go to her apartment. (We warned her!)

Todays call was that she is lonely and depressed, and misses her friends. All the things i told her would happen if she moved there.

i think she wants me to *fix it*.... i can't fix this.