Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

[Chained Daisy]

Originally Posted by Wrang1er

Today we found out my mom has cancer again. In September we went for her 3 month check-up and her blood work showed that her CA125 was high. They told her to wait 30 days to test again. We did that Tuesday and on Wednesday they called to say the numbers were higher than in September and that she should have a CT scan of her chest, abdomen and pelvis. That appointment was today and they said the results would be available in 24 hours. I was thinking Monday afternoon or Tuesday we'd hear something. However, they called right after we got home to say the cancer is back. Tuesday we have an appointment with her oncologist.

Understandably my mom is upset. She's resting on the couch and she asked me to call all my siblings because she doesn't want to talk about it.

These last 30 days have been hell. She's been so stressed and of course that overflows on to me and the grandkids because she's so tense.

I don't know what to expect now. She had already said she doesn't think she can do it again. She fought last time and I know she'll fight again...she just seems defeated right now. Our family doesn't show or share our feelings or emotions so it's hard to know what to say.

I moved home from Atlanta to help her when we found out she had cancer the first time. I haven't had a job since. I was just starting to look again because she had been doing so well. When we found out in September about the blood test my older sister said I should hold off looking until we know. Even though I've been helping my mom I still feel like a loser for not working and I worry the longer I go the harder it will be. My other siblings don't help so I feel sort of lost right now.

I say we throughout this post because even though my relationship with my mom has been horrible at times I feel like we are a team when it comes to fighting this cancer.

I wish I could make it all better for her.

Hello Wrangler,

I came here reading through yesterday and began to write a reply to your post but some how couldn't find the right words. However I woke this morning with a few people on my mind, a loved one who has had the worst news, loved ones passed and still fighting, my own uncertain future and you and your Mom too went through my thoughts so I am here again.

It made me realise that even though people have never met/interacted before, this in no way means that we can not feel real empathy and concern when we read of cancer rearing its ugly head again. When I tried to write the first time I was worried my words felt flat and didnt convey my empathy enough so I want to say I am sorry your Mom has to go through this fight again, that I dont think the word loser suits your situation, Hero is the word, it is no easy decision to give up a wage and working life to be with someone 24/7 to support and care for them, many would run a mile, it sounds like you are alone in this job, I commend you for it, I`m sure closing the door and setting off to work some days must be a far easier option. I too had a difficult to say the least relationship with my Mother so again I commend you.

I shall keep you and your Mom in my thoughts, along with the other folk I think of often, sending positive thoughts and wishing gentle days to all who are touched by this fight.