Please take legal steps to protect those you love.

[iamkeri1]

I copied a thread I started a couple of years ago on another site and brought it here because it is so very important to our lives. It has been six years since this happened in my life. I am not looking for any sympathy, I just wrote this to inform you and to advise you to takes steps NOW, to protect your loved ones and the lives you have planned together. We are still a long way from having marriage rights in all states, and some of us do not want to be married any way. Protections already exist in law that will help guarantee that our desires are followed, but we must take the necessary steps to get these in place. Its a new year. take new steps. provide new peace to your family.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the middle of the night last night, I watched this public television show about gay widowed people, both male and female. They had all gone through unbelieveable pain during their partner's Illness, death, funeral, and then, post funeral, they had all suffered huge losses in their lives. This was, of course in addition to the loss of their beloved partner.

The pain was caused by the fact that they had not taken advantage of the protections the law DOES allow gay couples, or they had done things the wrong way. They trusted each other's family's and they got screwed (and not in a nice way) for it.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of documents such as wills, living wills, enduring power of attorney, etc. Many couples do not even own their homes or their bank accounts jointly. I am providing a link to a website that will help you figure out what you need to do. http://www.buddybuddy.com/protect.html

I am going to post some more, but in case the post gets too long for you to read, I'm posting the link now.

I want to tell you two stories from my own life. The first is my own story, the second is that of a dear friend.

STORY ONE
As I have said in many other threads, I was married for twenty-five years to my beloved FTM husband. His documentation was all in place, lots of surgery completed. We were legally married. But I must tell you , my darlings, that legal is in the eye of the beholder. (Even now, gays who legally marry in states or countries where it is legal do not carry that protection with them into states or countries where it is not legal)

Back to my story. My husband died suddenly over four years ago. At the hospital they decided not to do an autopsy because they called his doctor and she agreed to sign the death certificate. Three awful things happened in the next 24 hours. Things worked out for me and my family, but in each instance, it was the decision of one kind person that made the outcome good rather than devastating,

#1. One hubby was confirmed dead, I had a private conversation with the nurse who had told me there would be no autopsy, This meant there be no certain cause of death. She asked if I wanted to pay for one myself. I very much wanted the autopsy for my own peace of mind, but before agreeing, I explained about my husbands gender and asked this question. "If they find an anomaly in his sexual organs, will that be listed on the death certificate?" Answer: "Yes it will." To protect his "identity" I passed on the autopsy, though I still wish to this day I knew the exact cause of death. He was only 52 years old, people. He didn't die of old age.

#2 A few minutes later the same nurse takes me aside and tells me that the doctor is having a moral crisis over whether she can put her signature on a death certificate which lists my husband's sex as male. She has been treating him, calling him Mr ____ for a year and now she is going to list his sex as FEMALE. I see my whole life spinning out of control. My kids will find out, at this time of loss, the secret their dad had chosen not to tell them. I will not be able to collect his social security, and maybe not the insurance he had insisted on buying to protect me. The kids may not be able to either, because if he is declared female, their adoptions will no longer be legal. I could LOSE MY KIDS!

I start crying - out of anger this time. The nurse does the right thing again. She gets on the phone with the doctor and convinces her to list the sex as male.

#3 The next day my 15 year old (at that time) son and I are at the funeral home making arrangements. The director comes in and says he needs to speak to me. He advises me that during the embalming process he had discovered an anomaly between my husband's designated sex and his actual bodily parts. He was going to have to file a corrected death certificate changing my husband's sex to female. The world starts spinning again. I actually don't know how i made it through those events without fainting or throwing up.

I say that all his papers were changed legally,. that we were married legally, blah blah blah. I bring up the Michael Kantaras case, saying the judge had decided that people could surgically change their sex and have it recognized in Florida. I say my husband had his birth certificate changed, That is what works. The director says that their current legal advice is to put on the death certificate whatever sex appears on the birth certificate. I go home, get the birth certificate, crisis averted. Barely.

Here are two links telling about Michael Kantaras historic cases.
http://www.courttv.com/trials/kantaras/
http://edition.cnn.com/2005/LAW/06/1...ody/index.html

My husband died in late 2003, one year after the Michael Kantaras decision. In 2004, the Florida Supreme court overturned the lower court judges decision, saying surgery could not change a persons sex, that Micael Kantaras was still a woman, and therefore his marriage had never been legal. If my husband had died one year earlier, or one year later, the outcome would likely not have gone in my favor. Thank you Michael Kantaras!

Story Two
My beloved friend, Spectacufemme, also a BF member, was in a relationship with a fantastic stone Butch for eight years. Butch owned a home when they got together, but never got around to putting Spec's name on the title. They were young, and what could happen after all?

Spec goes up north to visit. At the airport on her way back, she is met by a friend who tells her that Butch had been murdered the night before. Butch owned her own cab company and had been murdered by a fare she picked up. Spec rushes home, where she is met by Butches family who won't let her in her own home. They have gotten a police order to keep her off the property and to bar her from the funeral. She is never allowed to see her beloved's body; never allowed to touch her, hold her, or say goodbye. This happened only ten years ago, not in the dark ages.

She has to get an attorney to even get back in to her own home and get her clothes and personal effects. She and Butch were working the business together, Butch was the driver, Spec was the bookeeper. Again Butch owned the business before they got together, and never put Specs name on it. At the dealership, a second car was being outfitted for Spec to drive. She never got to have this car either, because it was inthe name of the business.

Butch's family sold the business and both cars. Spec got nothing. They sold the house and all the furniture/stuff that they had bought together. Spec got nothing. Butch had purchased an insurance policy naming Spec as beneficiary. Spec DID get this money. However, a year later, when the family got wind of the insurance, they sent the police to Spec's new home and got them to start an investigation. They alleged that Spec had hired the fare to kill Butch. The family wanted to get their hands on the insurance money too. This time Spec prevailed and the investigation was stopped. Ten years later, my dear friend has not completely healed. The love of her life died, and she was cast away like garbage by the family. I would not want this to happen to any of you.

People, please protect the one you love. If your relationship is permanent, protect it. Get the documents you need. Those of you who have kids need to get airtight documents drafted to assure who will get custody of the kids. And I'm adding this regarding the kids. If your relationship is not legal where you live, you should have a plan in place to flee quickly, or to at least move the kids quickly to a place where your relationship is legal, Or you could LOSE YOUR KIDS. It almost happened to me, and I was legally married.

Protect your femme, protect your butch, protect your FTM.
Please!
Keri