Ask a trans person!

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Star Anise

But the thing is, I am just so damn scared of putting my foot in it, because though I have tried hard to become more educated, I am not trans myself.

which leads me to my squeamish question...

How do you recommend opening up this sort of communication?

As in, this is somewhat new to me, and I am not sure that I will totally understand your experience, but I appreciate who you are and I don't want to hurt or patronise you?

I hear complaints from the trans community about cisgendered people just being a pain in the ass, I really don't want to be one those people

Actually any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

I think the most important thing is pretty much the sentiment you've expressed here: that you're willing to hear what trans people have to say. In many respects I think it's like any relationship or friendship with anyone else. You want to hear the person out, respect their identity without necessarily centering your interaction around that particular identity (broadcasting them to the world as the token trans/gay/butch/femme etc. friend) get to know what they're comfortable with, and generally show respect towards them. Just the way some people claim that they're trans or queer "allies" and yet they spend more time telling trans or queer people how to feel than actually listening to what trans or queer people have to say. Or making trans or queer people feel silly or guilty for not being comfortable with certain pronouns, anatomical words, slurs, jokes, "opinions" about their identity, references and so on.

As far as communication, some transfolks just aren't comfortable with talking about trans issues with people they don't know well, or even at all. Some just want to transition and forget about ever being trans, others want to remain as visibly trans as possible, and that might affect how comfortable they are with talking about their experience with transition or gender identity/expression. As far as asking about pronouns and such, I don't think most transfolks would take offense if you asked about a preferred pronoun. I think many transfolks just appreciate when people make an effort to use the correct pronouns/names, to refer to their bodies in a way that doesn't trigger dysphoria. Also just wanted to add that reading is great, but each trans person is different, so you can't always assume something is true for all transguys because one transguy happens to feel that way. I guess just remaining open and respectful.