How to be a femme ally

[cara]

I was just talking to one of my femme allies about this over the weekend!

I think some of the most important ways to be a femme ally have already been mentioned in this thread. To me, being a femme ally is also about being willing to do the work to form a bond or connection that is both healthy and sincere. A femme ally may not be your closest friend/s, but by very definition of the word, they *are* a friend. When push comes to shove, you know they'll have your back. If there is any doubt in my head about that, it's up to me to take the initial step to cultivate that ally-ship. And if the other person turns out to be a flake/user/butch's femme/whatever than it's important for me to recognize that, acknowledge it, and move on if needed.

Here are some real-life examples of how you can fuck up a femme ally-ship (yes, these things have all happened to me):

• Withholding love/concern/friendship because you're not happy with me or a decision I've made
• Going after my girlfriends (has happened twice by two different "best friends"!)
• Talking negatively behind my back
• Purposely leaving me out because I'm not ______ enough

And because I'm not perfect and know I've got my own work to do (Always!), here are some real-life examples of how I have fucked up some femme ally-ships.

• Being afraid to bring up subjects that are difficult to talk about
• Burying my head in the sand/refusing to take sides in an argument when deep down I know better and should be supporting my femme ally. (Note: This still doesn't mean I'm going to involve myself in your personal drama)
• Gossiping
• Being too stubborn to apologize when I realize I was in the wrong

To me, femme allies are just as important as my family, if not more so. Like everything important in life the more you put into an ally-ship, the stronger it will be.



cara