Friends of Bill W.

femmsational · 09-15-2012, 12:49 PM

LeftWriteFemme,

I am so hoping that I don't mess up your place of peace with my post....but....(isn't there always a but) I need a place to vent my spleen. And I can NOT do it at the meetings I go to, because this resenment stems from those meetings. So I'm gonna do it here because you guys have been in the program long enough that hopefully you can talk me off my resentment ledge.

Hi, My name is Julie and I am an addict and an alcoholic!!!!

I can not STAND when in meetings people start going on and on and ON about god and religion. Our program is there for everyone who has this disease we call addiction. The belief in a higher power is the cornerstone for all that follows, BUT....It is god as WE understand him. It is NOT....YOUR....general you's, version. It is a very personal thing and many struggle greatly to accept this concept so they can get on with the deal of working the steps.

If, 23 years ago when I entered the rooms for the first time, if someone had told me I had to turn my will and my life over to their god, I would have run screaming back out the door. And I'd still be out there, unless I was 6 feet under with toes up.

Step two even spells it out....a power greater than yourself. Thirds step....god as you understand him. It is worded that way for a reason. But sitting in my meetings lately I have heard all sorts of judgement surrounding this. People with 15 or 20 years not talking about how their god works in their life but actually telling the people in the meetings that the only way to stay sober is to go to church, get on your knees etc. etc. And then of course their sponsees all follow the same line of thinking and spewing.

Over the past month I've seen at least 12 newbies run, and I mean RUN out the doors after hearing these messages. What do I do? I run after them. And try to explain how it works for ME. But after sitting for 20 or so minutes in a room where the majority message is....you must do this, this way or you will fail....I'm just one more crazy person stalking them out of the room. An active addict is not going to have the ability to sort all this out. Remember how crazy headed you were when you first started. I didn't have a rational thought for 4 years for goodness sake. So how can these poor people reason out what I'm trying to say to them?

Why does this make me mad? Because this is a fatal disease!!! How many of those people go straight back to using? Probably a lot. That makes me more insane than I already am.

I know for me, i struggled greatly with the concept of a higher power. I was raised in a religion that was very judgy. I turned my back on it so when I had to get sober in order to live, i fought for years trying to figure out a power greater than myself. I was super lucky because my first sponser just kept working with me. She told me the only thing I could NOT do was pick up.The rest would come. And it did. And after seven years (sometimes quickly....sometimes not LOL) I finally came to grips with a power greater than myself. And I was able to turn it over, about 150 times a day, still, but I DO turn it over to a god of MY understanding.

I've had sponsees over the years who we had to use things like the ocean, the wind, the smell of a flower. One even used the light switch that turned on the light as her higher power for almost two years. And that worked. Because all it is, is something GREATER than yourself.

This is a program that is measured by progress, not perfection. Nobody has to be perfect with a perfect higher power. Each individual addict needs to seek their own. One that works for them. And not everyones is going to look the same. Mine is an evil bitch with a great sense of humor. Usually humor at my expense but that teaches me things I obviously need to be taught.

I'm just so sad that newbies are leaving the meetings because of a bad message that seems to have become the new fad in my area. I know this is my issue. I know that I can only do what I can do or what my higher power shows me to do, but.....hehehe....I have this damn disease that makes me think I need to be in control of everything and MUST save everyone.

LeftWriteFemme, again I hope I'm not messing up your space with my rantings. I just really needed to vent my spleen and the meetings would not be the place for it. Doing it here I hope will get me to a point that I can drop this damn rock I seem bent on dragging around with me. So thank you for this place and the opportunity for me to get rid of it!!!

Take care,
julie

09-15-2012, 12:49 PM	#11
femmsational Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: bitch, but she will do Join Date: May 2012 Location: Jomtien Thailand Posts: 808 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 866 Thanked 3,787 Times in 773 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	LeftWriteFemme, I am so hoping that I don't mess up your place of peace with my post....but....(isn't there always a but) I need a place to vent my spleen. And I can NOT do it at the meetings I go to, because this resenment stems from those meetings. So I'm gonna do it here because you guys have been in the program long enough that hopefully you can talk me off my resentment ledge. Hi, My name is Julie and I am an addict and an alcoholic!!!! I can not STAND when in meetings people start going on and on and ON about god and religion. Our program is there for everyone who has this disease we call addiction. The belief in a higher power is the cornerstone for all that follows, BUT....It is god as WE understand him. It is NOT....YOUR....general you's, version. It is a very personal thing and many struggle greatly to accept this concept so they can get on with the deal of working the steps. If, 23 years ago when I entered the rooms for the first time, if someone had told me I had to turn my will and my life over to their god, I would have run screaming back out the door. And I'd still be out there, unless I was 6 feet under with toes up. Step two even spells it out....a power greater than yourself. Thirds step....god as you understand him. It is worded that way for a reason. But sitting in my meetings lately I have heard all sorts of judgement surrounding this. People with 15 or 20 years not talking about how their god works in their life but actually telling the people in the meetings that the only way to stay sober is to go to church, get on your knees etc. etc. And then of course their sponsees all follow the same line of thinking and spewing. Over the past month I've seen at least 12 newbies run, and I mean RUN out the doors after hearing these messages. What do I do? I run after them. And try to explain how it works for ME. But after sitting for 20 or so minutes in a room where the majority message is....you must do this, this way or you will fail....I'm just one more crazy person stalking them out of the room. An active addict is not going to have the ability to sort all this out. Remember how crazy headed you were when you first started. I didn't have a rational thought for 4 years for goodness sake. So how can these poor people reason out what I'm trying to say to them? Why does this make me mad? Because this is a fatal disease!!! How many of those people go straight back to using? Probably a lot. That makes me more insane than I already am. I know for me, i struggled greatly with the concept of a higher power. I was raised in a religion that was very judgy. I turned my back on it so when I had to get sober in order to live, i fought for years trying to figure out a power greater than myself. I was super lucky because my first sponser just kept working with me. She told me the only thing I could NOT do was pick up.The rest would come. And it did. And after seven years (sometimes quickly....sometimes not LOL) I finally came to grips with a power greater than myself. And I was able to turn it over, about 150 times a day, still, but I DO turn it over to a god of MY understanding. I've had sponsees over the years who we had to use things like the ocean, the wind, the smell of a flower. One even used the light switch that turned on the light as her higher power for almost two years. And that worked. Because all it is, is something GREATER than yourself. This is a program that is measured by progress, not perfection. Nobody has to be perfect with a perfect higher power. Each individual addict needs to seek their own. One that works for them. And not everyones is going to look the same. Mine is an evil bitch with a great sense of humor. Usually humor at my expense but that teaches me things I obviously need to be taught. I'm just so sad that newbies are leaving the meetings because of a bad message that seems to have become the new fad in my area. I know this is my issue. I know that I can only do what I can do or what my higher power shows me to do, but.....hehehe....I have this damn disease that makes me think I need to be in control of everything and MUST save everyone. LeftWriteFemme, again I hope I'm not messing up your space with my rantings. I just really needed to vent my spleen and the meetings would not be the place for it. Doing it here I hope will get me to a point that I can drop this damn rock I seem bent on dragging around with me. So thank you for this place and the opportunity for me to get rid of it!!! Take care, julie __________________ If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" Albert Einstein Yes, I'm aware I can't spell, and no, I don't care quite enough to spell check. Sorry!!!