Recieving or saying hurtful......how do you deal with it

[Teddybear]

Originally Posted by Sparkle

This is something I've worked really hard on, myself, Teddy.

When if I've said something hurtful I know that these are the steps for making amends (for me):

1. I acknowledge that what I said was hurtful, and why it is hurtful.

2. I acknowledge why I did it. "I was (hurt/angry/disappointed/frustrated/etc) and I lashed out at you" and follow that up by reiterating that "regardless of how I feel (above) lashing out and hurting someone you love is not okay."

3. I apologize for hurting the person I care about.

4. I commit to not speaking from a place of (anger/frustration/disappointment/etc) anymore, to taking a deep breath and walking away from an argument if it has wound up to that place, to communicating when things are a problem earlier and with greater skill so it doesn't get to that point again.

Here's the big important part ...

4. Then I do what I committed to do, over and over again.

When I've hurt someone deeply with my words I know that the only way to come back from it is to show them with my actions that I understand I was wrong, that I've learned from the experience and that I am taking action to improve my behavior and my communication skills.

It takes time to earn someone's trust back, sometimes a lot of time.
Time and hard work.
Sometimes it takes longer than you could ever imagine.

I've hurt people I love deeply with my words, in the past; and I've since done a lot of work (on myself) to change patterns of behavior that lead me to fight and wound with words. I'm far from perfect, but I'm pretty good at (not doing) it now. It's taken A LOT of work to become a good and consistent communicator. It's been worth it. I like not feeling ashamed and full of recriminations for things I've said.

Sparkle

Thanks for ur input and insight.

I agree that trust is hard to earn back and can take time. Sometimes it can never be earned back