Divorce: What's next??

[Karysma]

Anya - You are so right about that external validation. I realize that that is what it is. That and the fact that as much as I like my alone time I just don't want to be lonely.

I think it might be that this isn't the future I planned.. and there may be some part of me that is trying to fill the vacuum. I hadn't thought of that.

I think I am also just so angry that she can move on so easily. Like she is unaffected that our life together is imploding. She just skipped tracks to another life and is moving on...

[Karysma]

TruTexan - You are absolutely right. I have actually been doing some 'Meet up' events lately... but mostly knitting groups. Unfortunately I always feel like a pretender in groups like that though because I can't be myself in groups of little old ladies in the south.. lol! I would love to find a Butch-Femme group here. I have not seen one as of yet - and I am afraid that if I did that the temptation to fall into another relationship would be too high. There is a Lesbian group in my area that I might go to. I just have to wait for one that doesn't say something about 'single ladies' or 'dancing'. lol!

I loved chatting with you guys the other night. You don't even know how much that helps! Last week was a time where I couldn't eat. I just physically couldn't swallow because the stress was so bad! But I was able to get some food in while chatting because you guys helped me relax and more importantly.. breathe. It felt good to think about something else for a while. You are truly an exceptional bunch. It is a little bitter sweet though since that is how I met my spouse-ish.. but life goes on!

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Karysma

Anya - You are so right about that external validation. I realize that that is what it is. That and the fact that as much as I like my alone time I just don't want to be lonely.

I think it might be that this isn't the future I planned.. and there may be some part of me that is trying to fill the vacuum. I hadn't thought of that.

I think I am also just so angry that she can move on so easily. Like she is unaffected that our life together is imploding. She just skipped tracks to another life and is moving on...

I met my ex for lunch a couple of months ago. I was curious as to how her life was going.

It turned out that even though she had dated many more women than I (since the break-up) she was still alone.

None of her relationships turned out to be of any length or depth.

I was not glad or happy about it but did see the irony.

Her pain on break-up, was not immediate, as was mine. Hers came later.

Truly, nothing makes sense for you now. What may appear to be one thing may be something else entirely.

Only time gives any clarity.

[Karysma]

I'm trying not to speculate on how my spouse-ish's future is going to pan out. I know she will do ok - she is smart, she is very attractive. She has a lot to offer. I do not think the relationship that she is pursuing now will work out - but if it does it will hurt. I am trying to stay away from that kind of thinking.

I do wish the best for her.. unfortunately I also still think that even with my issues I am the best for her. Sure we needed some work. Any relationship does.

I will just have to chalk it up to.. I don't know. Her loss?

I am not there yet. lol!

[Karysma]

I am embarrassed to say that I just found the 'comments' section of my CP. Thank you so much to everyone who sent me a message there.. you are very kind.

Is there a way to see all comments? Or once they are off the screen they are gone?

<-- total newb. lol!

[Shystonefem]

The same happened to me.

In September, we went to Foxwoods as my birthday present.

In October, we went to our class reunion together (yes, we had known each other since High School).

On Thanksgiving she left for 3 hours - told me she was going to her friends to take a shower because we had lost power the day before. I later found out that she was with the person she had been dating for quite some time prior.

On Thanksgicing, we did Christmas shoppong.

On Dec 8, we were divorced (no, I didn't know about it, I thought we were working on it).

On Dec 10, she returned all of the Christmas gifts. ...

I thought we were going to grow old and ugly together. Now I realize that I was mourning for the dreams that would never come true. I cried for months. And, I won't lie, up until recently, there were still some glimpses of pain when I was somewhere that brought back a memory.

Now, as of just recently, I am good.

And you will be too. I didn't believe it when others told me that it would get better. I swore, no way... I will be sad forever.... But it really does get better and it makes you stronger .

Sounds dumb but listen to music like "Strong Enough" from Cher... or music along those lines. Crank it up, dance and use that to release your sadness and anger..... if only for a few minutes.

I will be thinking of you and sending out some good energy.

[Karysma]

Thanks Shy. Wow. I can't believe that. I guess I just don't understand the lying.

I'm in a weird place - where I am oddly excited about being free of this house.. and the junk.. and the guilt.. but I still want to be with her.

I think the part of me that just want to let it go is getting stronger though. I don't want to be where I am not wanted or appreciated. I do realize that in time I will find someone who will appreciate what I have to give.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by Karysma

Thanks Shy. Wow. I can't believe that. I guess I just don't understand the lying.

I'm in a weird place - where I am oddly excited about being free of this house.. and the junk.. and the guilt.. but I still want to be with her.

I think the part of me that just want to let it go is getting stronger though. I don't want to be where I am not wanted or appreciated. I do realize that in time I will find someone who will appreciate what I have to give.

Yes, you will.

[clay]

Originally Posted by Karysma

I am embarrassed to say that I just found the 'comments' section of my CP. Thank you so much to everyone who sent me a message there.. you are very kind.

Is there a way to see all comments? Or once they are off the screen they are gone?

<-- total newb. lol!

Once the screen scrolls down, you will no longer be able to see them......

[Karysma]

Originally Posted by clay

Once the screen scrolls down, you will no longer be able to see them......

I will pay more attention! Thanks!