Your relationship with your mom.

[CherylNYC]

Sometimes bad people have children and it doesn't turn them into good ones. My parents are in that category. I've had nothing at all to do with my mother since some time in the mid 1980s. When she died a little over a year ago the world became a slightly safer place. I have no regrets.

[gotoseagrl]

I can only handle mine in very small, spaced out doses.

[Karysma]

I love my mom. She can be a little hard to take in large doses - but living in a different country mitigates that. She has a tendency to act helpless in situations and tries to get people to do things for her. I feel conflicted because part of me thinks she does actually lack the skills while the other part of me wants her to at least try to develop the skills. Recently she her health has taken a turn for the worse so I give her a lot more leeway... and I am mostly afraid of losing her. Being far away does not help that fear.

For the first 15yrs of my life we had a very turbulent relationship. I have chosen to forgive and forget.. and I think she has chosen to just forget. I think that because we are so similar has been a heavy factor in my decision not to have children. I just don't think I would be good at it.

[TruTexan]

I can love mine from a distance and in keeping 15 miles apart is still too close some days. I have to step back and disconnect my emotions when dealing with mom, I love her but she's toxic to me emotionally and mentally.
She's the type of person that isn't happy in her life, she's in fact miserable that things aren't better for her as she'd hope they would be. I know life hasn't been hard for mom, but that's not my fault and I'm tired of her taking her anger about life out on me. She does better when I'm not involved so much anymore. I have to take her in small doses when I"m around her or it becomes too much on me. And, my having ptsd and anxiety and depression doesn't help the situation for me to be better.

[Tuff Stuff]

Mother's Rock!... I love them all.

I miss mine a bunch

[hopelessromantic69]

We get along. She will be living with me after Christmas.

[Gayandgray]

Much better relationship now than we had years ago. We don't discuss the past anymore. I feel this way: You only get one Mom in this world & when she is gone, that's it. So I try my best to have a good relationship with her.

[JDeere]

I have just about completely pulled away from my birth mother. I am grateful that she had me and all but I don't need the bs in my life.

My adoptive mom, we have our days, but boundaries are one thing that she needs to be respectful of.

[imperfect_cupcake]

my mum, my "real" mum, ie the one who raised me: it's always been difficult. But she has the start of dementia now so the entire relationship went through a tough upheaval. She was a very tough, independent woman with two long term relationships and two long term careers. She could be emotionally abusive, gaslighting, controlling and utterly horrible. But she is also very generous, hilarious, protective, gregarious, and caring. She's a human. She's flawed. I can't imagine trying to raise kids and going through all what she did.

I've forgiven her past behaviours, it's a bit late in the game. Her memory is slipping. She's turning into a different person. It was hell for a bit while she tried to hide it and she was terrified and thus was nasty as fuck to everyone around her because she was so scared. But, I might, and probably will, lose my memory at some point in my future. And I won't have a daughter to help me. So, I'm trying my best. We get along pretty good - comparatively - these days. we have our ups and downs, as always. Our fights have always been horrific and gut clenching - they reminded me of the horrific abusive arguments with partners - same weird gaslighting twists in them where you suddenly doubt reality, and my face starts going numb.

But these days I take her around downtown on walks, get coffee, we watch netflix costume dramas, and I listen to the same story 16 times over. I go over and do odd jobs for her twice a month.

My birth mum is crazy in the desert in a trailer. She moved the trailer so, have no idea where she is now.

My step mum is good. It's nice to know she'll be around for a while. She's only 20 years older than me so she's more like an older sister and I like her. I imagine she'll be the only one left after a while. We get along great as we have the same sense of humour and same interest in medical history, travel, socialism, and women's rights.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Sometimes bad people have children and it doesn't turn them into good ones. My parents are in that category. I've had nothing at all to do with my mother since some time in the mid 1980s. When she died a little over a year ago the world became a slightly safer place. I have no regrets.

I agree Cheryl.

I have posted about my mother (and father) before.

I begrudge no one their good and loving mother. All children do deserve this.

Unfortunately, not all of us get one.

[Amulette]

My mom is a quintessential female CEO. Her ambition and ability to manifest are quite stunning. She is a formidable woman who goes after what she wants and gets it. She always said a woman can do what ever she wants in this world. That, is an inspiring lesson......

[Kätzchen]

My mother was always terribly kind, attentive and has always loved me and my siblings. She is very strong willed, which has served her well -- especially in light of having a complete break from reality, which she has recovered from in some ways, but will never be like she was before her complete mental break down. I love her and I care about her deeply. But I am careful too, to watch over my own personal well being because she has trouble respecting boundaries. Not just with me, but with others. She can be very difficult to deal with when it comes to honoring boundaries. I respect her wholeheartedly but I don't always get the same level of respect from her. When life between us becomes difficult, I feel pressure to keep myself in check because I know my siblings don't give her the respect she deserves and I want to make sure that I lead by example, which is difficult, no matter how the situation is dressed.

But, I love my mother. I know she's not who she used to be, but I love her for who she is. And even though she is not happy with me right now, I know we'll get through this latest boundary issue because I care about her feelings and I care about the two of us finding a way to work with each other, as mom and daughter. We've always been a team together, throughout life.

[JDeere]

Depends on which mother you are speaking of, I have 2 of them.

I was blessed with 2 mothers because I was adopted. I have mixed emotions on both of them. I love them nonetheless and they want the best for me, but I have major issues with certain topics that come about regarding my lifestyle, who I am, who I want to be, etc.

I live with my adoptive parents right now, we get along, well me and my adoptive mom do more so then me and my adoptive father. I have been taking care of them for awhile now and it has given me greater appreciation for the decisions they made for me as a kid. Me and my adoptive mom can say mean, what others perceive as mean or disrespectful, to each other and laugh. I wouldn't change that for the world.

My birth mother is another story, we rarely talk but when we do, I know she made the right choice for me but I still have issues, anger, resentment and abandonment feelings. She is 73 and really set in her ways but is more accepting of me being who I am, I think because she didn't raise me.

[Chad]

My mother and I are working toward living closer to each other. She is still in good shape at 83 but she could use my help more often. We have looked at many senoir living facilities near me but we decided to go back to the original plan. I will build her a cottage on my land. I have lots of work ahead of me.

[AishasWrath]

On one hand she made a lot of mistakes in the past, on the other she could've been worse and we're on a lot better terms when I'm not stuck in a situation where I'm dependent on her. She and I are very different temperament-wise and both of us have probably placed a lot of unfair expectations on each other over the years.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I agree Cheryl.

I have posted about my mother (and father) before.

I begrudge no one their good and loving mother. All children do deserve this.

Unfortunately, not all of us get one.

No self-pity here (maybe more than a touch) but mostly deep sadness at what never was and never will be.

My dad's funeral is Friday and my daughters and brothers gently suggested I not go.

I realized that somehow my mother has always identified with me and projected herself into me with a boatload of self-hate. She has no insight and always refused therapy.

I got my brother to tell me where my dad's grave will be, I will pay my respects after they are gone.

You must be thinking, "She must have done something awful". No, I never did.

As my mother told me once, my dad cried when I was born because I wasn't a boy.

It can only go downhill from there and it did.

[JDeere]

I have pulled away from my birth mother, these last few months, I had no idea and was not told by my half siblings, about who she truly is.

It's kinda sad that she is a bitter, ignorant, racist old woman. I can not associate with this in any shape or form, so I had to pull away.

[RockOn]

I loved my mother.

My mom was a whoring drunk.

She was very supportive of me being gay. After I told parents I was gay, my mom got drunk and told all the relatives in the small, racist town where I was born.

I moved back to the city where parents lived and took care of my mom through her extended terminal illness. She passed in 84 at 49 years old. I left no stone unturned in helping her through her illness so I have no regrets there.

That's about all I know about that.

oh well ...

[Breathless]

I love my Mom. She is supportive of my sexuality, and lifestyle decisions.

We will never see eye to eye, but I let her think that we do, just to keep the peace.

I have tried many of times to talk to her about some of the issues of my childhood, and even when I was coming out about things - I found I was constantly having to console her, that it wasn't her fault to an extreme that I felt I wasn't heard..at ..all.

So, the conclusion I have come to, is that she is not able to handle or comprehend or even discuss the items that need air. So we won't.
She comments to me that I am her favourite, I am the oldest. The actual truth is that I save her emotional ass when she gets herself in to hot water and doesn't remember how to swim. Many times she has commented to me that she feels like our relationship is backwards, as I am more of a mom to her than she has ever been to me. I would have to say she is correct on that one.

[Stone-Butch]

my mother was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest woman I could have been blesses with having for a mother. Although she did not agree with my way of living she was always kind and generous to my gf of 22 years that also got to call her mom as her own mother was an alcoholic. I never saw my mother have more than one glass of wine, never smoked and never uttered a swear word to my knowledge and her mother was the same way. I was very blessed to have had them both in my life as well as a wonderful father. I lost my dad in 2000 and my mom in 2015 , 2 weeks after her 90th birthday , which was a huge bash with family and friends. Thanks mom for waiting for that last big hurrah.