Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

Nattih · 11-16-2015, 03:07 PM

I'm really happy this thread exists. It has made me think a lot.

The biggest issue that I suffer through is pedestal syndrome (I totally made that name up, it probably has a real one). All my life I have been "the good one". I was the one who got excellent grades, I was the one all the adults dotted on as having excellent manners, the one who helped around the house and caused no trouble. I took that identity into adulthood and into my relationships, which has shown itself to be really unhealthy for my self identity. Most of my past partners have discovered that this was my "button" and noted how perfect they thought I was and how I would never do "XYZ" like anyone else due to my "perfection" or how they would not be able to handle it if I "did something wrong because I never act like others".

I now realize that this is a manipulation tactic, first installed by my mother, then discovered by significant others and even friends. Though I am consciously aware of it now, I still struggle with the idea that I must be perfect in order to be deserving of love and affection. I am on the dating market, so I automatically assume I get passed over due to imperfections that I must correct before I am able to be good enough for anyone to not pass over.

This post was too long and rambly, so I apologize if it makes little sense, lol.

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11-16-2015, 03:07 PM	#11
Nattih Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2010 Location: always on a plane Posts: 174 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 285 Thanked 633 Times in 164 Posts Rep Power: 13046651	I'm really happy this thread exists. It has made me think a lot. The biggest issue that I suffer through is pedestal syndrome (I totally made that name up, it probably has a real one). All my life I have been "the good one". I was the one who got excellent grades, I was the one all the adults dotted on as having excellent manners, the one who helped around the house and caused no trouble. I took that identity into adulthood and into my relationships, which has shown itself to be really unhealthy for my self identity. Most of my past partners have discovered that this was my "button" and noted how perfect they thought I was and how I would never do "XYZ" like anyone else due to my "perfection" or how they would not be able to handle it if I "did something wrong because I never act like others". I now realize that this is a manipulation tactic, first installed by my mother, then discovered by significant others and even friends. Though I am consciously aware of it now, I still struggle with the idea that I must be perfect in order to be deserving of love and affection. I am on the dating market, so I automatically assume I get passed over due to imperfections that I must correct before I am able to be good enough for anyone to not pass over. This post was too long and rambly, so I apologize if it makes little sense, lol.