Living Apart, Together (LAT) A Support Thread

Gemme · 01-08-2016, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

"Living apart, together
0ver two million Canadians, many 45/50 plus, are saying no to cohabitation and marriage"

(there will be a much higher figure on the new long form census now that it's recognized as a valid romantic partnership commitment)

"For many couples, moving in together is the key step that transitions them from a dating relationship to a long-term committed partnership. However, a small but growing minority of long-term couples in countries like the Britain, Sweden, and Canada are forgoing cohabitation entirely, preferring to keep their separate homes. This phenomenon is referred to as "living apart together," or LAT."

This getting reported in quite ages articles these days, happily. As people over a certain age with adult kids or near adult kids comsider the hard work of re-establishing yourself after divorce, and wanting to keep your independance while committing to another.

I'm really glad this is being recognized as a valid, loving and committed partnership. And many of my friends are in long term LATs.

For those who *would* find it ideal, what would be the dream set up?

I have two in mind myself...

My dad and stepmom did this for around 30 years before she passed. It was ideal for both of them. They each had their own space so there were no arguments about who was too neat or messy and they lived close to one another so she would cook for him and he'd fix her broken stuff. She didn't want any pets and my dad had a Chow, who are very possessive of one owner, so that worked out well too. They were very stereotypical except for the separate households.

I don't spend much time thinking about the 'ideal' set up but I do like this arrangement. At first, they lived a few blocks from one another and then they moved to an area where they could each have their own abode two doors down from one another. I think that might work best for me; within walking distance but not up my ass.

cinnamongrrl · 01-08-2016, 06:30 AM

I thought I was atypical in liking this living situation. Don't get me wrong, I don't like sleeping alone all the time. But having your own space has its merits...

I'm with the Canadians!

Orema · 01-08-2016, 02:18 PM

Thanks for starting this thread, ICC.

I've decided living apart is the only way for me.

As I've written elsewhere on the planet, my dream scenario is for us to live on different sides of the park, lake, mountain, or city. I'm at my place for a few days, we're at hys place for a few days, then we're off on our own for a few days. Hy can keep some of hys things at my place to make things easier. This arrangement would be in a monogamous and exclusive relationship. We just wouldn't live together.

I've had one real-time relationship where this has worked well. A butch I was seeing lived down the street. We broke up for other reasons. I have also met people online who were not interested in meeting if living together wasn't an option at some point. I'm cool with that. I like people who know what will and will not work for them.

And for me, it has nothing to do with absence making the heart grow fonder. It's just what I need to feel good about myself.

I know this way of living isn't for everyone, but it works for me.

01-08-2016, 06:30 AM	#2
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,661 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,231 Thanked 27,598 Times in 6,955 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I thought I was atypical in liking this living situation. Don't get me wrong, I don't like sleeping alone all the time. But having your own space has its merits... I'm with the Canadians! __________________

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01-08-2016, 02:18 PM	#3
Orema Superlative Soul Sister How Do You Identify?: Lesbian stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Moving in a single file Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Cottage of Content Posts: 13,589 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 41,436 Thanked 34,686 Times in 8,934 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Thanks for starting this thread, ICC. I've decided living apart is the only way for me. As I've written elsewhere on the planet, my dream scenario is for us to live on different sides of the park, lake, mountain, or city. I'm at my place for a few days, we're at hys place for a few days, then we're off on our own for a few days. Hy can keep some of hys things at my place to make things easier. This arrangement would be in a monogamous and exclusive relationship. We just wouldn't live together. I've had one real-time relationship where this has worked well. A butch I was seeing lived down the street. We broke up for other reasons. I have also met people online who were not interested in meeting if living together wasn't an option at some point. I'm cool with that. I like people who know what will and will not work for them. And for me, it has nothing to do with absence making the heart grow fonder. It's just what I need to feel good about myself. I know this way of living isn't for everyone, but it works for me.