Butches: how do you like to be treated on a date?

[dykeumentary]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

I don't mind people opening doors for me, but it's definitely a habit for me to reach for it as well. I hold the door for men, women, and children.

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

I was taught to open doors for everyone-- but that is because I was raised as a workingclass girl -- taught to serve everyone. When I am dating a Femme and open doors for her, that is just ONE of MANY ways to show her I see her, and want to please her. It's one of many ways, so I don't have to get to weird about that one piarticular action.

Regarding the incident in the store, I believe part of power dynamics is: Who gets to decide WHEN there is a power dynamic happening? I wouldn't choose to engage in a power struggle with some unstable fool in a store. I would ignore him (probably not even notice him.) i do think it could get dangerous to upset someone who is threatened by other Shoppers in a STORE. An unwell person like that needs professional help. I would also caution you, Angeltoes, how much reinforcement does this butch need, and are you willing/able to give it?

Remember that scene from Game Of Thrones, where Joffrey says "I am THE KING!" And his father the badass Lannister says "Anyone who really IS the king would NEVER feel they have to say that." That can be applied to butches, transmen (and performed masculinity by cis men) - if someone has to earnestly draw attention to all that they are trying to be, and all the ways they "prove" it, they arent really secure in whatever it is. That's unattractibve.