That awkward moment when..

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Chad

My newish coworker seems to not understand professional behavior or boundaries.

She comes into my office a lot to get my advice on projects and procedures. I am usually happy to help but her brassy behavior throws me for a loop.

So today she walked into my office and hiked up her skirt to her panties to show me bug bites on her leg.

Being the cool headed old guy I said you may want to put some medicine on those bites. In my head I was thinking WTF is wrong with this girl!!!!

Any possibility she likes you? I don't know the background, but from where I am standing it certainly looks that way! Maybe she has decided you need a 2x4?

[Soon]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Any possibility she likes you? I don't know the background, but from where I am standing it certainly looks that way! Maybe she has decided you need a 2x4?

Whether or not she "likes" Chad, don't you think this behavior is unprofessional and the skirt hiking bordering on harassment? If a man did that (not sure how with pants...pushing them down to show something to where their briefs were exposed?), I'd be furious. It's not appropriate and clearly crossing professional boundaries, especially because it sounds like Chad and this person clearly do not have an easy and open friendship where such actions would be a-ok.

I've had men interrupt my work/space time for bogus reasons, and, yes, it's possible there was a 'crush' happening on their end, but it didn't make it feel any less intrusive or inappropriate. Despite their 'liking' of me, it did make me feel my boundaries were being crossed and their behaviour was, at the least, irritating, and at the worst, verging on harassment.

[Chad]

Originally Posted by Soon

Whether or not she "likes" Chad, don't you think this behavior is unprofessional and the skirt hiking bordering on harassment? If a man did that (not sure how with pants...pushing them down to show something to where their briefs were exposed?), I'd be furious. It's not appropriate and clearly crossing professional boundaries, especially because it sounds like Chad and this person clearly do not have an easy and open friendship where such actions would be a-ok.

I've had men interrupt my work/space time for bogus reasons, and, yes, it's possible there was a 'crush' happening on their end, but it didn't make it feel any less intrusive or inappropriate. Despite their 'liking' of me, it did make me feel my boundaries were being crossed and their behaviour was, at the least, irritating, and at the worst, verging on harassment.

Soon,

I have wondered about her bazaar behavior since she started working in our group. She says things that would make anyone uncomfortable.

I feel like it is not my job to teach her "professional behavior".

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Soon

Whether or not she "likes" Chad, don't you think this behavior is unprofessional and the skirt hiking bordering on harassment? If a man did that (not sure how with pants...pushing them down to show something to where their briefs were exposed?), I'd be furious. It's not appropriate and clearly crossing professional boundaries, especially because it sounds like Chad and this person clearly do not have an easy and open friendship where such actions would be a-ok.

I've had men interrupt my work/space time for bogus reasons, and, yes, it's possible there was a 'crush' happening on their end, but it didn't make it feel any less intrusive or inappropriate. Despite their 'liking' of me, it did make me feel my boundaries were being crossed and their behaviour was, at the least, irritating, and at the worst, verging on harassment.

Well, yes, absolutely! But, that is a different subject.

I was answering Chad's question. He asked what was wrong with her. I assumed he was asking our opinion on why she might be doing this. I didn't think he wanted us to actually makes suggestions as to what was "wrong" with her (Histrionic Personalty Disorder, anyone?).

Since she is coming around him a lot to chat and now she is being sexually suggestive, my guess is that she is sexually attracted to him.

Did you think that I would thought this was acceptable behavior? If so, why?

[Soon]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Well, yes, absolutely! But, that is a different subject.

I was answering Chad's question. He asked what was wrong with her. I assumed he was asking our opinion on why she might be doing this. I didn't think he wanted us to actually makes suggestions as to what was "wrong" with her (Histrionic Personalty Disorder, anyone?).

Since she is coming around him a lot to chat and now she is being sexually suggestive, my guess is that she is sexually attracted to him.

Did you think that I would thought this was acceptable behavior? If so, why?

Your comment indicated nothing EXPLICIT about whether or not you found it acceptable but, no, I don't think you would find such unprofessional behaviour appropriate.

However, I *did* find your response somewhat surprising and a bit troubling in its implicit connotations, as it focused on proposing a harmless, playful, and even perhaps justified, reason for her intrusive behaviour toward Chad. The "two by four" is a common humorous turn of phrase thrown about due to this perception that butches are clueless when it comes to a woman's attraction toward them. It struck me as minimizing what Chad was feeling and experiencing. I put myself in the same situation (which I have been) and how I'd be frustrated if someone said the same thing to me after me opening up that a guy was bothering me in such a manner at work. It would be somewhat invalidating, as it does take the angle of...well, maybeeeee he just likes you and you're too clueless to realize it!

It's like if someone was bothering a student, and I said, "Well, maybe he LIKES you!" which indicates more of an absolution or justification for such unwanted behaviour. It adds a bit of a rationale to their behaviour on the person who is acting inappropriately and suggests that maybe, if you just realized they liked you, you would feel differently and not be quite as irritated by them.

I hope this explains more of my response. No, I do not think you would find it acceptable behaviour but, yes, I did find your response carried an odd angle which prompted me to respond in turn.

I've been waiting for your response to my post, so I'm glad I was able to elaborate a bit more for you and hope you understand a bit more where I'm coming from.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Soon

Your comment indicated nothing EXPLICIT about whether or not you found it acceptable but, no, I don't think you would find such unprofessional behaviour appropriate.

However, I *did* find your response somewhat surprising and a bit troubling in its implicit connotations, as it focused on proposing a harmless, playful, and even perhaps justified, reason for her intrusive behaviour toward Chad. The "two by four" is a common humorous turn of phrase thrown about due to this perception that butches are clueless when it comes to a woman's attraction toward them. It struck me as minimizing what Chad was feeling and experiencing. I put myself in the same situation (which I have been) and how I'd be frustrated if someone said the same thing to me after me opening up that a guy was bothering me in such a manner at work. It would be somewhat invalidating, as it does take the angle of...well, maybeeeee he just likes you and you're too clueless to realize it!

It's like if someone was bothering a student, and I said, "Well, maybe he LIKES you!" which indicates more of an absolution or justification for such unwanted behaviour. It adds a bit of a rationale to their behaviour on the person who is acting inappropriately and suggests that maybe, if you just realized they liked you, you would feel differently and not be quite as irritated by them.

I hope this explains more of my response. No, I do not think you would find it acceptable behaviour but, yes, I did find your response carried an odd angle which prompted me to respond in turn.

I've been waiting for your response to my post, so I'm glad I was able to elaborate a bit more for you and hope you understand a bit more where I'm coming from.

Ok, I get it. Completely.

What was actually going on in my head was the memory of me teasing Chad in the "crush" thread a couple of months ago. He came in at two different points saying, "nope, I don't see my name here" (something along those lines). I teased him about it at the time saying that I had seen my name in there thousands of times, and I believe there was also that "butch 2x4" talk (which I have always found annoying), in the thread close to our posts (so the 2x4 comment was a flashback to that moment, too). So, that is probably why I had tunnel vision on that post. Plus, I really thought that his question was the point of the post.

[Chad]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Ok, I get it. Completely.

What was actually going on in my head was the memory of me teasing Chad in the "crush" thread a couple of months ago. He came in at two different points saying, "nope, I don't see my name here" (something along those lines). I teased him about it at the time "saying that I had seen my name in there thousands of times, and I believe there was also that "butch 2x4 talk in the thread close to those posts (so the 2x4 comment was a flashback to that moment in the thread, too). So, that is probably why I had tunnel vision on that post. Plus, I really thought that his question was the point of the post.

I don't think that I have ever seen my name in so many posts. Dapper buddy I loved your post to me.

The posts from Soon and Gemme have given me food for thought. I usually just ignore bad behavior but this young lady at work does behave unprofessional and something should be done about it.

I appreciate everyone's feed back and will ponder my next steps. I think for me the first step is to tell my coworker that her behavior offends me. If she continues then I will elevate the conversation.

Thank you to everyone that offered advice.
Chad

[easygoingfemme]

That awkward moment when you go out for dinner with your daughter, an hour away from home, look up after sitting down, and realize you are wearing pretty much an identical outfit. (her red Chucks, me red Docks, both in blue jeans, both the exact same v-neck long sleeve black t-shirt- seriously the same exact shirt. Didn't even know we both owned it. Hair done in similar fashion.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Ok, I get it. Completely.

What was actually going on in my head was the memory of me teasing Chad in the "crush" thread a couple of months ago. He came in at two different points saying, "nope, I don't see my name here" (something along those lines). I teased him about it at the time saying that I had seen my name in there thousands of times, and I believe there was also that "butch 2x4" talk (which I have always found annoying), in the thread close to our posts (so the 2x4 comment was a flashback to that moment, too). So, that is probably why I had tunnel vision on that post. Plus, I really thought that his question was the point of the post.

Thanks for engaging with me in a respectful manner and hearing where I was coming from!

[Chad]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Any possibility she likes you? I don't know the background, but from where I am standing it certainly looks that way! Maybe she has decided you need a 2x4?

Haha! Dapper buddy that would be a fun world to live in if a lady felt the need to hike up her skirt to get my attention.

I think this girl is just brazen with no boundaries. I am sure that there will be many more awkward moments to come.