Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[kittygrrl]

like a fine piece of Irish Waterford crystal

[Shystonefem]

For me, it aren't any rules set in stone. I do, however, know within 10 minutes or so.

I have met hot Butches and have been initially attracted, chemistry and all, yet that chemistry fades after I realize the lights are on but nobody is home.

The opposite has also happened. If the chemistry is off the charts, sometimes intelligence takes a back seat. Those relationships don't succeed, and I know that now, but damn.

My perfect scenario, an intelligent, stone butch that I share crazy chemistry with. It has to be there for me. While I love good conversation, I can't do it without chemistry. It's just who I am.

My son tells me that I am wayyy to picky, I'm not. I just know what I want and need in order to put the work in.

[introverted1]

Polite behavior, opening the door for me, etc...those things will make me weak in the knees if we have chemistry.

[Arden]

Its been a while, heck a long while since I did any "dating".....I've been thinking more about it recently and hmmm - I want to feel, while on the date, that I matter enough to you or at least am interesting enough for you to not answer your cell phone or text your buds unless its an emergency. I'm a Mom and completely understand sometimes you gotta answer.

Talk to me, ask me questions, show me you want to know who I am rather than see how long it will take you to get me into bed. Be sweet, respectful and kind but real cause I'm gonna be able to tell if you are faking it. Show me you're a thinker in how you respond to my questions or the topics you bring up. I also don't object to a show of chivalry but I won't expect it either so don't be offended if I am not waiting on you to open my door (I'm used to do things for myself so if I drop back and allow you do it, if I sense you want to, for me consider that a show of respect from me.)

Have a plan for the night...and the ability to flex it if things go awry. (It also helps if you give me some idea of the type of wardrobe needed, so I can dress for the occasion though I too can make it work)

And if its the first time we're going out: Find a way to be at least a little comfortable around me, I understand feeling nervous cause heck I likely will be and you can help put me at ease if you smile, laugh and breathe. I'll try to do the same...

cause maybe then we'll make it a second date

[ClintB]

I always keep first dates simple, low cost, low key, noncommittal. I do this for both of our sake. First, let me rephrase that this "date" is rarely classified as such... usually it's just me asking them if they want to grab a coffee or drink with no title. I think it works for a long of reasons.... first, everyone is on neutral, public ground and feels safe. The date can't be easily extended if it's going well, but kept short if it's a no go. In a world that places expectations of sex as a reward for chivalry, it brings it down to a level of "just two people having coffee." Many women are uncomfortable with not being able to pay th or own way (see above) and it lets me gage how she feels... if she doesn't want me buying her coffee... she probably doesn't want me paying for meals and tickets to shows either. i respect her boundaries on this.

Im not big on traditional chivalry... I do think it sets up an unhealthy power dynamic. Maybe better to roll out once we have a connection and both feel on equal footing.


Other than that, I am more of practical, rough and tumble person. I've learn d to play that up rather than down... this means I end up with rough and tumble girls . I do a lot of picnic packing, drives into the mountain, lakes, beach. Bonfires. I love a good restaurant every now and then, but I prefer having adventures with her, making memories. These thing are rarely free, but often not expensive.

Where I throw that all in the fire is gifts though lol. I'm a sucker for seeing something she may want and wanting to surprise her with it. I try not to let it go to far and I keep it small at first. I don't want her to feel like she is being bought. But as the relationship gets long term, then I like to buy nice things just because.

[Medusa]

Depends on the date!

In general I like a little old school chivalry with opening my car door and doors at restaurants and such but if we are going out to hike around in the woods or something, I don't expect as much formality.
And "expect" is too strong a word because I don't get bent out of shape if someone doesn't open my door or whatever. It's just a nicety.

I also don't need my Butch to always pay or treat me. I enjoy treating just as much!

I do also love the little physical things on dates that make my knees buckle: the hand on the small of my back that guides me through spaces, the firm grip on my hand when we are in a crowd so that we don't get separated, the little buzzy feeling of having my hair smoothed away from my neck so he can go in for a little nibble. Those things don't necessarily need to happen on a date (I like it all the time!) but WHOOSH when they do!

[PlatinumPearl]

Respectfully and like a Lady.

[ClintB]

Ooooops, got carried away and posted in the femme zone... sorry!

[Gemme]

I like to be treated as if I were important and worthy of my partner's time and consideration. I like old school manners and someone who is capable of engaging with me on many levels.

This is a previous post and it still stands true.

Originally Posted by Gemme

Word.

I don't care how good you smell or how sexy you are. If you can't hold a conversation with me, sometimes even using big words and abstract concepts, then any initial attraction goes down the drain real fast. I like handsome faces and bodies, but if your brain isn't working on all cylinders, that's a big no from me.

Obviously, as I've grown older and wiser, different things tick off different boxes for me. Now, it's less about the butch, FTM or TG version of the Mustang with a Hemi motor and more about the fun but reliable SUV version of a butch, TG or FTM guy.

Sometimes a girl likes to take her time getting to where she's going and likes to know that she'll get there in one piece and without a stopover in jail.

[Medusa]

I enjoy old school chivalry with the flowers and door-opening and a fancy dinner and a certain "formality".

But I also enjoy super casual dates in jeans and heels where we are eating chicken wings and drinking beer and watching the game.

[Lovebird_1989]

I've never been on a date before, so I don't know what use I'd be answering this.
My favourite is if they were really respectful, that would make me so happy!

I would also like

ermm ...

Good manners/politeness to the staff, wherever we go.
No loudness.
No drunkness.
Someone who doesn't keep looking at their phone (I hate this, it makes me feel like shit ).
Someone who can keep a conversation going (because I don't know how to).
No butting in/talking over me when I eventually do manage a sentence out.
...
No constant bragging/showing off/me me me.
No looking at other women, ever (instant deal breaker)!
No extravagance (unless it's a mutual decision), I cannot handle it. I'd be so happy going to McDonald's, or the likes, and always splitting the bill. I also really hate surprises, of any kind (they freak me out).
....
Make sure I got home safely.

.......

I can't think of any more, at the moment. Just to get to know each other and hopefully fall in love.

I really don't know. No one's ever treated me special, in that way. I think it might weird me out a wee bit.
I think I'd cope with 'normalness'(?).



Omg, I've just re-read what I've written and I sound so bossy! .. Dreading posting this.

[Lovebird_1989]

Whenever my Mum would go on dates with her ex, he would always order more food whenever it was his turn to pay. She didn't like this.

She wants to be put on a pedestal, and to feel like number 1.