Making Peace with Exes

bigbutchmistie · 05-28-2010, 10:30 PM

My last ex, my close friends know how bad of a break up it was, and how long we were together. Its funny, how we are friends now, and I look at her and wonder how we ever got to that place. I am good friends with her gf. As a matter of fact, I introduced my ex to the butch-femme dating site and that's how they met.

I enjoy our friendship now, and enjoy my friendship with her gf. I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. For me it was difficult. But one thing I knew is that even though we werent meant to be, we both deserved to be happy.

Im very good friends with my first gf. We have been close for over ten years. Im good friends with another ex.

I by no means am perfect. I was just fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to be friends with the ones I made peace with. With the ones that stole a piece of my heart in friendship. I have no regets. Only sweet memories and learning experiences. They have taught me what I want and e not to accept anything less.

jey_z76 · 09-21-2010, 11:15 PM

I have tried to do the right thing, be the better person, and be civil or at least try to still be friends with my exes. Unfortunately, they never wanted to.... even though they were the ones who broke up with me! I have seen some of them out at clubs/bars that I was at and they would look at me like I was the bad guy in all of it. I have even gone as far as to text some of them on holidays and wish them the best of those days. I would always get a nasty response, like they thought I was trying to be sly with what I was saying. Even though it would say something like, Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

The good thing about all this, is that at least I know I tried!

~J~

Tcountry · 09-22-2010, 01:47 AM

I think everyone has their own way of dealing with things...
It is my belief that if you don't wind up friends you probably didnt have that much in common to be great lovers anyway...I know it seems silly but it happens...
Some people are better off friends than lovers...
And some are better off learning that hard way that lovers was all it was...
But the best relationships start with friends and develop into lovers...

course that is the opinion of a cheezy hopeless romantic...what do I know!

Laerkin · 09-22-2010, 04:37 AM

I've been pretty lucky over the years with my exes.

My first boyfriend from high school was a dear friend of mine for many years after we broke up and I still care about him very much (though we lost touch and I haven't been able to find him in recent years).

The guy I lost my V-card to is a Facebook friend and we have stayed in touch over the years. We weren't great together at all, but he's interesting and we share similar politics so it's nice to touch base every once in a while.

My most recent ex, M, is a wonderful woman. She's funny and caring and has a huge heart. I wish we were closer than we are. There certainly aren't any hard feelings and our break-up was honest and timely. We've cross paths occasionally and we always enjoy catching up when we do see each other. Maybe down the road our paths will intersect again and we'll be friends.

Looking back, I think I've just been very lucky that the majority of my relationships ended at a point when both of us were ready to move on and, though painful or tear-filled, it was never nasty or hurtful.

Gemme · 09-22-2010, 05:12 PM

I haven't been fortunate enough to cultivate breaks ups that have easily mainstreamed into friendships. Some have found the way there, but it's been through time and patience, and there's been work put into each one. I do have hope that some other exes and I shall remain friends in time but I'm fully aware that it may never happen. All relationships take work and effort on the parts of all the participants, and if one isn't playing ball, then the game goes to Hell and gets called off.

lipstixgal · 09-22-2010, 05:20 PM

My ex contacted me last year wanted to be friends on fb but it didn't work out she said she wanted to get back together but she also said she is MOrmon and can't do that..so no we are not friends at this time and I don't know if I want to be friends it was a hurtful time in my life but that was a long time ago so maybe I should forgive her and move on which I'm trying to do...

girl_dee · 09-23-2010, 03:15 PM

Making "peace" and being friends are two different things..IMO

If I see an ex, I'd be cordial...I'd put em out if they were on fire, maybe..
but friends? no thanks,, I left them and the pain the caused behind.. I don't feel a need to have them in my life at all and I would not want my current partner to deal with my bringing old flames into our relationship circle. I guess when I'm done, I'm done. I've been the one to leave relationships, and for a reason.

I also feel that once you have been intimate and/or had a relationship, its not just a plain ole friendship .. it's much deeper a that. I don't get how people refer to exes as just *friends* when you've already gone beyond that and back. It's a deeper relationship and that's ok too, the feelings are different, your energy is different than people you are simply friends with. If there are kids involved being peaceful is of course the only way to go. It's also very awkward for the new partner to have to deal with. It's doable, but only with lots of TLC.

I guess I just don't need to be close to people I am no longer involved with, maybe I don't like being reminded of the pain the bastards caused me and the fact that I allowed them to hurt me !

ahem.

09-21-2010, 11:15 PM	#2
jey_z76 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Boi Preferred Pronoun?: I'm not picky Relationship Status: Still single Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Austin Posts: 28 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1 Thanked 17 Times in 8 Posts Rep Power: 16	I have tried to do the right thing, be the better person, and be civil or at least try to still be friends with my exes. Unfortunately, they never wanted to.... even though they were the ones who broke up with me! I have seen some of them out at clubs/bars that I was at and they would look at me like I was the bad guy in all of it. I have even gone as far as to text some of them on holidays and wish them the best of those days. I would always get a nasty response, like they thought I was trying to be sly with what I was saying. Even though it would say something like, Hope you have a great Thanksgiving. The good thing about all this, is that at least I know I tried! ~J~ __________________ *~ It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. ~*

09-22-2010, 01:47 AM	#3
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I think everyone has their own way of dealing with things... It is my belief that if you don't wind up friends you probably didnt have that much in common to be great lovers anyway...I know it seems silly but it happens... Some people are better off friends than lovers... And some are better off learning that hard way that lovers was all it was... But the best relationships start with friends and develop into lovers... course that is the opinion of a cheezy hopeless romantic...what do I know! __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

09-22-2010, 05:12 PM	#5
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	I haven't been fortunate enough to cultivate breaks ups that have easily mainstreamed into friendships. Some have found the way there, but it's been through time and patience, and there's been work put into each one. I do have hope that some other exes and I shall remain friends in time but I'm fully aware that it may never happen. All relationships take work and effort on the parts of all the participants, and if one isn't playing ball, then the game goes to Hell and gets called off. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

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05-28-2010, 10:30 PM	#1
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	My last ex, my close friends know how bad of a break up it was, and how long we were together. Its funny, how we are friends now, and I look at her and wonder how we ever got to that place. I am good friends with her gf. As a matter of fact, I introduced my ex to the butch-femme dating site and that's how they met. I enjoy our friendship now, and enjoy my friendship with her gf. I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. For me it was difficult. But one thing I knew is that even though we werent meant to be, we both deserved to be happy. Im very good friends with my first gf. We have been close for over ten years. Im good friends with another ex. I by no means am perfect. I was just fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to be friends with the ones I made peace with. With the ones that stole a piece of my heart in friendship. I have no regets. Only sweet memories and learning experiences. They have taught me what I want and e not to accept anything less.

09-22-2010, 04:37 AM	#4
Laerkin Member How Do You Identify?: Girlie with a touch of bossy Preferred Pronoun?: She, but not hung up on the details Relationship Status: Parenting our furry family with SmoothButch Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Washington DC Posts: 385 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 772 Thanked 963 Times in 257 Posts Rep Power: 4366972	I've been pretty lucky over the years with my exes. My first boyfriend from high school was a dear friend of mine for many years after we broke up and I still care about him very much (though we lost touch and I haven't been able to find him in recent years). The guy I lost my V-card to is a Facebook friend and we have stayed in touch over the years. We weren't great together at all, but he's interesting and we share similar politics so it's nice to touch base every once in a while. My most recent ex, M, is a wonderful woman. She's funny and caring and has a huge heart. I wish we were closer than we are. There certainly aren't any hard feelings and our break-up was honest and timely. We've cross paths occasionally and we always enjoy catching up when we do see each other. Maybe down the road our paths will intersect again and we'll be friends. Looking back, I think I've just been very lucky that the majority of my relationships ended at a point when both of us were ready to move on and, though painful or tear-filled, it was never nasty or hurtful.

09-22-2010, 05:20 PM	#6
lipstixgal Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: coupled Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New Jersey Posts: 3,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 201 Thanked 1,690 Times in 1,064 Posts Rep Power: 1494761	My ex contacted me last year wanted to be friends on fb but it didn't work out she said she wanted to get back together but she also said she is MOrmon and can't do that..so no we are not friends at this time and I don't know if I want to be friends it was a hurtful time in my life but that was a long time ago so maybe I should forgive her and move on which I'm trying to do...

09-23-2010, 03:15 PM	#7
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Making "peace" and being friends are two different things..IMO If I see an ex, I'd be cordial...I'd put em out if they were on fire, maybe.. but friends? no thanks,, I left them and the pain the caused behind.. I don't feel a need to have them in my life at all and I would not want my current partner to deal with my bringing old flames into our relationship circle. I guess when I'm done, I'm done. I've been the one to leave relationships, and for a reason. I also feel that once you have been intimate and/or had a relationship, its not just a plain ole friendship .. it's much deeper a that. I don't get how people refer to exes as just friends when you've already gone beyond that and back. It's a deeper relationship and that's ok too, the feelings are different, your energy is different than people you are simply friends with. If there are kids involved being peaceful is of course the only way to go. It's also very awkward for the new partner to have to deal with. It's doable, but only with lots of TLC. I guess I just don't need to be close to people I am no longer involved with, maybe I don't like being reminded of the pain the bastards caused me and the fact that I allowed them to hurt me ! ahem.