Question for other femmes...

[Clyde]

Speaking for myself, of course, I think there are several things at play: firstly, we are socialized as female (generally), and therefore not generally accustomed to making the first move. Secondly, it can be dangerous to make a move when you are a butch. Lastly, I have no interest in straight women, so yeah, if I assume/think someone is straight, I keep my energy to myself.

Overall, I do think that knowing that the opening is there, so to speak, allows me to feel comfortable expressing interest. No opening, no interest.

[Bootsandheels]

Originally Posted by Clyde

Speaking for myself, of course, I think there are several things at play: firstly, we are socialized as female (generally), and therefore not generally accustomed to making the first move. Secondly, it can be dangerous to make a move when you are a butch. Lastly, I have no interest in straight women, so yeah, if I assume/think someone is straight, I keep my energy to myself.

Overall, I do think that knowing that the opening is there, so to speak, allows me to feel comfortable expressing interest. No opening, no interest.

Thank you for chiming in Clyde! I so appreciate your insights about being socialized as women-so true.

I think I understand but am curious to hear your thoughts as to why it is dangerous for a butch to make a move?

I really appreciate you sharing about the 'opening' that allows you to feel comfortable to express interest.

What kind of 'opening' is preferable and most appreciated by you? I hope other butches will join this thread and share as well!

[easygoingfemme]

I usually am open enough to at least "out" myself as a femme and not to be confused with a straight person. I try to to that with being a little extra friendly/attentive- and usually crack corny jokes. Even if I'm not flirting- if it's a butch in a super straight zone- I want them to feel a little less alone.

Then, once the light goes on- If I were single, I would wait to see if they carry the line with me. I may or may not be interested. They may or may not be interested. But at least the door in question is open. I'm not likely to make the first move though, after the "are you family" question is answered.

[introverted1]

Thanks to all for replying.

I'm talking about instances where it's known that I'm a lesbian. People I ended up with, but always had to make the first move, or relay that I was attracted to them first, etc. It was clear in these instances that there was chemistry between us.

I asked my last gf when she would have asked me out...and she said maybe after knowing me for a year, lol. She was intimidated by me.

I think Clyde is absolutely correct about being socialized as females, and I get that. I guess my take is that somebody has to get things moving...I just wish for somebody else to be the initiator once.

I think I will just embrace my identity as an intrepid femme.

[homoe]

Oh so you meant you were somewhere, like a lesbian function, and nobody approached you??????

[introverted1]

Originally Posted by homoe

Oh so you meant you were somewhere, like a lesbian function, and nobody approached you??????

I'm talking about several meetings/dates with a person who was very aware that I'm a lesbian. And we had undeniable chemistry.

And finally, after a few meetings, I broach the topic of finding the other person attractive, and do they feel the same way about me? When it's pretty obvious that we had chemistry.

[Lyte]

Oh...well... in this instance... lol

No one likes to get shot down ... aka rejected... so perhaps the butches you've encountered are of a more cautious nature and would like feel more assured of what they think is happening. Or... perhaps... they're just a lil more patient.

I say... whatever works!

Originally Posted by introverted1

Thanks to all for replying.

I'm talking about instances where it's known that I'm a lesbian. People I ended up with, but always had to make the first move, or relay that I was attracted to them first, etc. It was clear in these instances that there was chemistry between us.

[introverted1]

Originally Posted by Lyte

Oh...well... in this instance... lol

No one likes to get shot down ... aka rejected... so perhaps the butches you've encountered are of a more cautious nature and would like feel more assured of what they think is happening. Or... perhaps... they're just a lil more patient.

I say... whatever works!

This feels correct, LOL!

[Lyte]

I'm so glad!

Two other thoughts come to mind... very likely unrelated but ... you know I still must share!

If I find that I'm then one who's initiating the interactions ... twice... even if she responds favourably... then I take that to mean that she's not interested in interacting even on a friendly level. I respect that message and take my leave. My point being... is that interaction should be initiated on both sides.

Second thought...

In this day and age... with all the kooks out there ... particularly online... perhaps the most courteous thing a butch could do is let the femme dictate the level and manner of contact she's comfortable with... and ... to let her dictate it when she's good and ready to do so!

Originally Posted by introverted1

This feels correct, LOL!

[Lyte]

I think someone already said something along the lines that approach is a multifaceted issue. It certainly is for me.

For example, it can be difficult sometimes when at a store. Is femme female chatting me up because she's providing good customer service or she diggin me... my look... the simple fact that I'm family... or... she's regardless of either option... she's simply bored. I'm not always sure! Iol Even so... I usually don't mind the attention and will ... usually... respond on kind.

If they are family and "interested" ... then a bunch of other factors come into play.

It's been a while since I've just come out and asked a gal I've just met for her number. I prefer to get to know them at least a smidge first. Such as... see them at the same location a few times.

It def can be awkward and potentially dangerous for a butch to misread a gal ... and... respond too strongly or too overtly. It's just as important to "read the room" as it is to read the gal.