Al-anon, Nar-anon: when someone you love is practicing addiction.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

I've been in and out of Al-anon meetings for a long ass time. Never got a sponsor.
After several years on my own, no dating, no fwb, no bootie calls cause I find it never gets to be just that anymore at my age. Expectations and pressures come in fast and I just can't handle them anymore with my co-dependency shit. I really need people to be able to look after themselves, as much as my friends do. And as soon as I have sex with someone, that expectation of care-taking changes: suddenly everything changes - how much we talk, level of care-taking, who I spend my time with, what I'm supposed to want - everything.

So I don't have sex anymore. Explaining stuff doesn't work. Talking about being in self care mode, needing friendships, nothing more emotional than that... it doesn't translate.

I've been doing really well with it. Slowly, very slowly, getting myself towards a centre point. Understanding what independent, balanced, healthy self care at least *looks* like and understanding what I have to do to get there. It's just the very slow plodding 3 forward, 2 back, getting there.

But now my best friend has fallen into drink in the last 2 years. Yet another of my friends. And fuck me she can be a royal slice of acidic asshole when she drinks. Sometimes she's hilarious, but others she's just a twat. She's also in a relationship I can see that is not exactly stellar for her mental health.

Why do people bitch to me about their partners doing really horrible things and talk abot breaking up with them and then I never hear of them breaking up... and then when I ask they say while laughing sheepishly "oh we worked that out... he's sorry and blah blah..." and then they never talk to me about their relationship again until it's shitty.

why do people do this? It gives me the impression their relationship is shit because that's the only time I hear about it.

Anyway, she's drinking. I am trying so fucking hard not to help her when she fucks up. Recently she said something really awful that I am not sure she kind of meant that way to a mutual friend who was going through something seriously shit. I opened my mouth to step in and say "I think what she meant was..." to protect my friend's feelings from K's stupid filterless dumb-ass talky hole, and also hoping to show that K isn't the gapping anus she appeared to be in that moment. Instead, I shut my mouth.

My friend can talk to me about his feelings if he wants. Or he can talk to K about them and what she said after he calms down because it was fuckin rude. As much as I want to yank her aside and say "HEY, that was fucking rude, doofus. Do you know what you said actually translates to 'I'd rather kill myself than to be your mum suffering with dementia??? I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant. At least I fucking hope not!"

But I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to let her stupid words do stupid things and rant about it here.

I love her. She literally saved my life once, and saved me from so many drunk assholes assaults at parties, I lived with her on and off for 7 years, she's gone over to ex-boyfriends houses and told them off for being shits when we were young. I met her when she was just 18 and I was 23, she was playing guitar in a puddle in a basement of a community artists space and I took her upstairs to make cookies in a toaster oven with me and that was kind of that. I love her to bits and I'd never give up on her. I've known her for 24 years.

But she doesn't half get on my fucking tits sometimes.

I wish I could save her like we used to save each other when were young and so very stupid.

You cant save someone who doesnt want to be saved.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Yes, I'm very well aware of that. I was just making a wish about our younger years

It's also not my job to save *anyone* anymore. If someone wants help saving *themselves*, I >might< be able to lend a hand depending on what they ask me to do.