Stone--Personal Definitions

cinderella · 06-05-2010, 03:00 PM

Wow, Bit, what a sigh of relief when I read your post!! You are describing my experience to a T. Thank you for posting this. You have reaffirmed any hint of vestigial doubt I may still have had regarding this issue. I couldn't have said it any better - very well expressed.

[QUOTE=Bit;122860]
[SIZE=3][COLOR=teal]
*snip*
This identity is consistent within us no matter whom we might choose as a partner. Many of us have had the experience of being with non-Stone Butches whom we loved very deeply and feeling just awful BECAUSE we weren't comfortable with them sexually; I myself thought I was somehow a badly defective Lesbian because I didn't enjoy "doing as was done to me," yanno? Discovering Stone Butches was a huge "coming home" after years of that kind of relationship, and believe me, the relief was so huge that I cried for weeks.

dark_crystal · 06-05-2010, 04:18 PM

my fetlife profile says the following:

The orientation and identity i identify strongest with is Stone Femme:
*Definition from wikipedia via the old butch-femme.com: Stone femme is a lesbian identity whose name was patterned after the more widely-known term stone butch. Identification with the term is not necessarily dependent upon the stone femme's physical appearance or gender expression, or upon the identity of the stone femme's partner.

Stone femme has many different meanings:

- a femme who is the bottom in sexual interactions
- a femme who is attracted to or partnered with masculine or stone butches; who does not wish to sexually touch her partners' genitals, or whose partner does not wish to have her/hys/his biological genitals touched
- an exceptionally femme femme
- a femme top who does not wish to be genitally stimulated or touched by her partner during sex

Some people use the term 'stone femme' to describe their identity in regards to their sexual identity or gender identity, their boundaries regarding the expression of either, or their sexual boundaries. Some stone femmes identify as queer, as dykes, and/or as lesbians. Others do not identify as lesbians due to the disconnect between the political and sexual connotations of the word and the reality of their experiences.*

This identity does have certain nuances for me- i predict many curious-about-me profile visitors will read "a femme (...) who does not wish to sexually touch her partners' genitals" with alarm- herein lies the nuance:

sexually my default mode is very passive and i could be mistaken for a “pillow princess.” NOT SO! i enjoy touching and tasting my partners in any way or amount they desire! It is just that, because i am extremely passive and submissive, i must be ordered specifically to do so. Once i am under orders my efforts are enthusiastic (and skilled!), i assure you. And no, a standing order is not affective.

06-05-2010, 03:00 PM	#1
cinderella Member How Do You Identify?: Pinky's mommy :) Preferred Pronoun?: Su Majestad Relationship Status: Happy with my puppy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pocono Mtns., Pa. Posts: 1,238 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 1,501 Times in 638 Posts Rep Power: 14266108	Wow, Bit, what a sigh of relief when I read your post!! You are describing my experience to a T. Thank you for posting this. You have reaffirmed any hint of vestigial doubt I may still have had regarding this issue. I couldn't have said it any better - very well expressed. [QUOTE=Bit;122860] [SIZE=3][COLOR=teal] snip This identity is consistent within us no matter whom we might choose as a partner. Many of us have had the experience of being with non-Stone Butches whom we loved very deeply and feeling just awful BECAUSE we weren't comfortable with them sexually; I myself thought I was somehow a badly defective Lesbian because I didn't enjoy "doing as was done to me," yanno? Discovering Stone Butches was a huge "coming home" after years of that kind of relationship, and believe me, the relief was so huge that I cried for weeks. __________________ Who needs reality when you have Turner Classic Movies!! The is an organ of fire.

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06-05-2010, 04:18 PM	#2
dark_crystal Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: jenny Preferred Pronoun?: babygirl Relationship Status: First Lady of the United SMH Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 5,445 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,532 Thanked 26,553 Times in 4,688 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	my fetlife profile says the following: The orientation and identity i identify strongest with is Stone Femme: Definition from wikipedia via the old butch-femme.com: Stone femme is a lesbian identity whose name was patterned after the more widely-known term stone butch. Identification with the term is not necessarily dependent upon the stone femme's physical appearance or gender expression, or upon the identity of the stone femme's partner. Stone femme has many different meanings: - a femme who is the bottom in sexual interactions - a femme who is attracted to or partnered with masculine or stone butches; who does not wish to sexually touch her partners' genitals, or whose partner does not wish to have her/hys/his biological genitals touched - an exceptionally femme femme - a femme top who does not wish to be genitally stimulated or touched by her partner during sex Some people use the term 'stone femme' to describe their identity in regards to their sexual identity or gender identity, their boundaries regarding the expression of either, or their sexual boundaries. Some stone femmes identify as queer, as dykes, and/or as lesbians. Others do not identify as lesbians due to the disconnect between the political and sexual connotations of the word and the reality of their experiences. This identity does have certain nuances for me- i predict many curious-about-me profile visitors will read "a femme (...) who does not wish to sexually touch her partners' genitals" with alarm- herein lies the nuance: sexually my default mode is very passive and i could be mistaken for a “pillow princess.” NOT SO! i enjoy touching and tasting my partners in any way or amount they desire! It is just that, because i am extremely passive and submissive, i must be ordered specifically to do so. Once i am under orders my efforts are enthusiastic (and skilled!), i assure you. And no, a standing order is not affective.