Any Other Adoptees Here? (Posts from non-adoptees also welcome)

Chad · 03-01-2020, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uli

That unanchored/no roots/can't fully attach thing is something I experience, too. And, it's a very commonly expressed experience on the adult adoptee forum I posted a link to earlier in the thread. Reading other adoptees describe feelings that are familiar to me has been somewhat healing, but still, the feeling persists. There are some psychologists who believe that adoption trauma is some of the hardest trauma to work through, since the source occurred before we were verbal.

Thank you Uli, I get that. It is a hard road. Now I am the caregiver to my adopted mom. I can not even articulate the stress in this situation. Thanks for hearing me.

Uli · 07-08-2020, 07:01 PM

Hello to my fellow adoptees! I haven't been here in a while.

I met the woman who gave birth to me and spent the last year getting to know her and some of her family. She came to Michigan to have dinner with my wife and me (among other things, her brother and mother live here in Michigan). And I got to spend my 42nd birthday with her, her husband, and her two other children in Buffalo. It was my first time seeing Niagra Falls, breathtaking!

I learned a lot, gained much insight, but it turns out that we can't sustain a relationship at this time. My trauma plus her unresolved guilt and shame just can't mix right now, maybe ever. It's up to her now. I set up some strong boundaries last week but allowed for her to email me occasionally if she wishes.

I had a significant mental health crisis just a couple of days later. It was bad enough that the timeline is very jumbled in my head. I don't know how directly related they were because my thyroid simultaneously went into way overdrive. It's usually underactive, for which I take medication.

I have a newfound appreciation for my adoptive parents, while still understanding their flaws and the boundaries I need with them in order to stay safe and sane.

My medications have been adjusted over the last few days and I am feeling much better, peaceful and energetic. I would even venture to use the word happy!

Thanks for reading. Would love to hear how all of you are doing in these strange times.

JDeere · 08-29-2020, 12:56 PM

I have been struggling immensely since May, I have come too close to having a complete mental breakdown, so much so that I almost quit my job and thought about having myself commited.

Most of this has been due to not properly dealing with all that encompasses my adoption and biologcal identity family struggles.

I adore all 3 of my families, but I struggle so much to figure out where I fit in and who I am. Therapy is just starting up and I know its going to take awhile to see tons of improvement. but in the mean time, I still struggle with daily things.

I lost my half sister that was 2 months younger than me, one of my half brothers is in prison, the other is a meth addict, as is 2 of my other half sisters, the others are in complete denial of everything in their lives.

In total I have 10 proven half siblings,1 that we thought was by my biological father but isnt, yet she is still my sister.. along with the 2 siblings from my adoptive parents.

All I can say right now is this...

WE ARE ONE GIGANTIC DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!

Uli · 08-31-2020, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere

I have been struggling immensely since May, I have come too close to having a complete mental breakdown, so much so that I almost quit my job and thought about having myself commited.

Most of this has been due to not properly dealing with all that encompasses my adoption and biologcal identity family struggles.

I adore all 3 of my families, but I struggle so much to figure out where I fit in and who I am. Therapy is just starting up and I know its going to take awhile to see tons of improvement. but in the mean time, I still struggle with daily things.

I lost my half sister that was 2 months younger than me, one of my half brothers is in prison, the other is a meth addict, as is 2 of my other half sisters, the others are in complete denial of everything in their lives.

In total I have 10 proven half siblings,1 that we thought was by my biological father but isnt, yet she is still my sister.. along with the 2 siblings from my adoptive parents.

All I can say right now is this...

WE ARE ONE GIGANTIC DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!

I had a lot of thoughts all at once in response to this, JDeere. I'm not sure any of them are helpful. I did quit my job and have a mental breakdown, basically, and I regret nothing, but I know there is privilege in that. I am glad you are trying therapy. I resisted it for so long and it turned out to be so helpful. Maybe you will never fully fit in anywhere, but you are still worthy of love and a good life. Your family gets to be whatever/whoever you want it to be and set boundaries where you need to. Love and peace to all of us adoptees <3

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07-08-2020, 07:01 PM	#2
Uli Member How Do You Identify?: fat girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: - Posts: 112 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 173 Thanked 529 Times in 104 Posts Rep Power: 3865493	Hello to my fellow adoptees! I haven't been here in a while. I met the woman who gave birth to me and spent the last year getting to know her and some of her family. She came to Michigan to have dinner with my wife and me (among other things, her brother and mother live here in Michigan). And I got to spend my 42nd birthday with her, her husband, and her two other children in Buffalo. It was my first time seeing Niagra Falls, breathtaking! I learned a lot, gained much insight, but it turns out that we can't sustain a relationship at this time. My trauma plus her unresolved guilt and shame just can't mix right now, maybe ever. It's up to her now. I set up some strong boundaries last week but allowed for her to email me occasionally if she wishes. I had a significant mental health crisis just a couple of days later. It was bad enough that the timeline is very jumbled in my head. I don't know how directly related they were because my thyroid simultaneously went into way overdrive. It's usually underactive, for which I take medication. I have a newfound appreciation for my adoptive parents, while still understanding their flaws and the boundaries I need with them in order to stay safe and sane. My medications have been adjusted over the last few days and I am feeling much better, peaceful and energetic. I would even venture to use the word happy! Thanks for reading. Would love to hear how all of you are doing in these strange times.

08-29-2020, 12:56 PM	#3
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,835 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	I have been struggling immensely since May, I have come too close to having a complete mental breakdown, so much so that I almost quit my job and thought about having myself commited. Most of this has been due to not properly dealing with all that encompasses my adoption and biologcal identity family struggles. I adore all 3 of my families, but I struggle so much to figure out where I fit in and who I am. Therapy is just starting up and I know its going to take awhile to see tons of improvement. but in the mean time, I still struggle with daily things. I lost my half sister that was 2 months younger than me, one of my half brothers is in prison, the other is a meth addict, as is 2 of my other half sisters, the others are in complete denial of everything in their lives. In total I have 10 proven half siblings,1 that we thought was by my biological father but isnt, yet she is still my sister.. along with the 2 siblings from my adoptive parents. All I can say right now is this... WE ARE ONE GIGANTIC DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!