Random's Ramblings...

Random · 06-19-2010, 11:41 PM

Could I be a little girl?
In your arms
In this room
Just for tonight?

If I asked
Would you
Shut the door
Draw the blinds
Close out the real world
And create a new one with me…

Could you look at me in my cotton nighty
And understand that it was not the time for satin and lace.

Could you look at my naked face and my unpinned hair
And see what I was asking.
See what I was saying without speaking a word?

Would you give me your hard hands
Your fierce heart
Give me your strength so I might be weak?

Just for tonight

And then understand in the morning

When I pinned up my hair and painted my mouth

That it is only in this room

That I am

A little girl….

Random · 06-19-2010, 11:42 PM

Stay
Perfectly still
Don't lean

Left
or
Right

You cause me pain..
Can't you see?

You make me numb
Don't you know?

With your wishy washy ways..

If you would just stay
as you are
Right now..

I will listen to you..
Do as you want
Be your slave.. (as if I am not already)

Because..

If you can't stay
then
I fear
It is the end of us..
and the beginning
of the surgeons job..
and the tap, tap, tapping of silver pins..

So..
Please..
Beloved Coccyx..
Stay Put..

Random · 06-19-2010, 11:44 PM

A Cheerleader Dear One?

Smiling at all the Boys while looking at all the Girls?

I would have been the shy one

The quiet one working in the library
Taking out your card
Memorizing all the details
Swooning in your wake.

If I had been brave
I might have asked
To carry
Your pom poms...

Random · 06-19-2010, 11:49 PM

Hair as black as ebony
Skin as oiled silk...

He moves like the panther
closing on the kill...

The lines, they come so smoothly
so earnest is the plea...

You feel that a denial...
will bring him to him knees..,

The blow does not phase him
does not bother him at all

For all it's sincerity

It Was Just a line After all....

Random · 06-19-2010, 11:50 PM

I tried to replace you, don't cha know?

She was a poet...
she looked like you,
she sounded like you,
Her arms almost felt like you..
she even almost smelled like you..

But she wasn't you..
a kinder, paler version of you..
She had no belives
She had no wild dreams
She didn't have a drop of your passion..

So, I walked away and didn't look back..
I hurt that gentle soul
Because she wasn't you..

I tried to be you, don't cha know..

I found someone
who wanted hard hands and teeth at her neck..
who wanted someone to keep her safe...
to tell her right from wrong...

But I wasn't you...

I didn't have your control,
I didn't have your strenght
I didn't have your convictions...

So, I told her no more..
and I left her shut down and closed off..
Just like me..

I'm done trying to replace you,
because it can't be done

I'm done trying to be you..
because that's not who I am..

I'm done crying because I lost you...
Because it does no good..

Instead

I will simply smile and remember
and know you own my heart..

Until you don't...

Random · 06-20-2010, 12:06 AM

Just about every night
I lay down at a time when my mind is throwing a temper tantrum..
*NO NO NO NO* it says..
I don't wanna go to bed..
Full blown 3 yr old rage..
Arching back, kicking heels..

I tell it to behave,
That we are going to be 40 this year and we must be responsible, do the right thing..

My mind says "NO"
loud and beligerent..
It wants to go dancing..
It wants to get into the car and go driving..
It wants to stay up and read..
It wants to talk on the phone..
It wants..
It wants..

It wants to have a later bed time that a 3 yr old..

Just about every night I have to coax my mind to sleep..

Reminding it that we are to old be to telling lies to ourself..
That we will NOT get up if we stay up just a lil longer..
That just a few more mins WILL hurt..

That having something you want comes with a price..

Wanting always has a price...

Random · 11-18-2010, 10:50 PM

3pm Sunday afternoon I fell in love with your little finger

You were standing in the kitchen talking to me..

I didn't hear a word

I was falling in love with your little finger

Random · 12-14-2011, 03:10 AM

Summer never began until I made that trip down a tired, dusty country dirt road.

The road started in front of my grandparents’ house, it meandered its way through two fields of green,
past the irrigation ditches with their cool chemical smelling water, past Grandfather Oak,
the ancient tree whose wide trunk invited all to pour out their heartache and sorrow; to find their respite beneath its shadowy leafs.
I always took him up on his offer, sitting and leaning my sunburnt back against his raspy shell.
Sitting a spell and telling him of all I had seen and done since the last time I sat in his shade.
It only seemed proper to give him stories of the world he couldn’t visit, him being of the non-mobile type.
After my visit, the road, with its mud ruts didn’t seem as hot, or as long.
It seemed in a blink of an eye the fields on the right would end and the sign would appear.
A rusted sign attached to a cattle gate saying NO TRESPASSING.
That sign always gave me pause for a second, my natural tendency to follow the law, warring with on over whelming desire to complete my summer ritual.
A quick look around for farm trucks and then up under the gate.
The road took on a different texture, a different mood now; it felt lonely, and abandoned.
The road faded in and out, Grass and rock taking back sections of the road.
The rock took over the grass and road, broken and striated the rock turned into boulders.
My walk became a climb. I remember climbing, thinking this is too much, I’ve gone too far, I need to turn back, and then I would be there.
Just like that, like a mirage, it would spread out like a shock, Deep Turquoise water, shear block cut walls, the ground around it like some alien land, lifeless and dry.
I would sit on the edge of the quarry, sitting so still, so quiet while I told the water everything that had happened over the past year.
I told it of my fears, my joys, and the things I had seen and learned. It was as if I was clearing my head and heart of the past year.
Closing out the school year and making room for the new one to come.
I would sit by that deep still water and become lighter and freer with every second of that imaginary conversation.

It seemed to me that the trip back to my Grandparents house took only a blink of an eye…
I was eager for my family, my cousins, for the noise and the music of them.
Summer had officially begun.

06-19-2010, 11:41 PM	#1
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	This Room Could I be a little girl? In your arms In this room Just for tonight? If I asked Would you Shut the door Draw the blinds Close out the real world And create a new one with me… Could you look at me in my cotton nighty And understand that it was not the time for satin and lace. Could you look at my naked face and my unpinned hair And see what I was asking. See what I was saying without speaking a word? Would you give me your hard hands Your fierce heart Give me your strength so I might be weak? Just for tonight And then understand in the morning When I pinned up my hair and painted my mouth That it is only in this room That I am A little girl…. __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

06-19-2010, 11:42 PM	#2
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Balancing Act.. Stay Perfectly still Don't lean Left or Right You cause me pain.. Can't you see? You make me numb Don't you know? With your wishy washy ways.. If you would just stay as you are Right now.. I will listen to you.. Do as you want Be your slave.. (as if I am not already) Because.. If you can't stay then I fear It is the end of us.. and the beginning of the surgeons job.. and the tap, tap, tapping of silver pins.. So.. Please.. Beloved Coccyx.. Stay Put.. __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

06-19-2010, 11:44 PM	#3
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	High School A Cheerleader Dear One? Smiling at all the Boys while looking at all the Girls? I would have been the shy one The quiet one working in the library Taking out your card Memorizing all the details Swooning in your wake. If I had been brave I might have asked To carry Your pom poms... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

06-19-2010, 11:49 PM	#4
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Line Hair as black as ebony Skin as oiled silk... He moves like the panther closing on the kill... The lines, they come so smoothly so earnest is the plea... You feel that a denial... will bring him to him knees.., The blow does not phase him does not bother him at all For all it's sincerity It Was Just a line After all.... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

06-19-2010, 11:50 PM	#5
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I tried to replace you, don't cha know? She was a poet... she looked like you, she sounded like you, Her arms almost felt like you.. she even almost smelled like you.. But she wasn't you.. a kinder, paler version of you.. She had no belives She had no wild dreams She didn't have a drop of your passion.. So, I walked away and didn't look back.. I hurt that gentle soul Because she wasn't you.. I tried to be you, don't cha know.. I found someone who wanted hard hands and teeth at her neck.. who wanted someone to keep her safe... to tell her right from wrong... But I wasn't you... I didn't have your control, I didn't have your strenght I didn't have your convictions... So, I told her no more.. and I left her shut down and closed off.. Just like me.. I'm done trying to replace you, because it can't be done I'm done trying to be you.. because that's not who I am.. I'm done crying because I lost you... Because it does no good.. Instead I will simply smile and remember and know you own my heart.. Until you don't... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

06-20-2010, 12:06 AM	#6
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	2am Rising... Just about every night I lay down at a time when my mind is throwing a temper tantrum.. NO NO NO NO it says.. I don't wanna go to bed.. Full blown 3 yr old rage.. Arching back, kicking heels.. I tell it to behave, That we are going to be 40 this year and we must be responsible, do the right thing.. My mind says "NO" loud and beligerent.. It wants to go dancing.. It wants to get into the car and go driving.. It wants to stay up and read.. It wants to talk on the phone.. It wants.. It wants.. It wants to have a later bed time that a 3 yr old.. Just about every night I have to coax my mind to sleep.. Reminding it that we are to old be to telling lies to ourself.. That we will NOT get up if we stay up just a lil longer.. That just a few more mins WILL hurt.. That having something you want comes with a price.. Wanting always has a price... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

11-18-2010, 10:50 PM	#7
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	3pm Sunday afternoon I fell in love with your little finger You were standing in the kitchen talking to me.. I didn't hear a word I was falling in love with your little finger __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

12-14-2011, 03:10 AM	#8
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Water for Thought Summer never began until I made that trip down a tired, dusty country dirt road. The road started in front of my grandparents’ house, it meandered its way through two fields of green, past the irrigation ditches with their cool chemical smelling water, past Grandfather Oak, the ancient tree whose wide trunk invited all to pour out their heartache and sorrow; to find their respite beneath its shadowy leafs. I always took him up on his offer, sitting and leaning my sunburnt back against his raspy shell. Sitting a spell and telling him of all I had seen and done since the last time I sat in his shade. It only seemed proper to give him stories of the world he couldn’t visit, him being of the non-mobile type. After my visit, the road, with its mud ruts didn’t seem as hot, or as long. It seemed in a blink of an eye the fields on the right would end and the sign would appear. A rusted sign attached to a cattle gate saying NO TRESPASSING. That sign always gave me pause for a second, my natural tendency to follow the law, warring with on over whelming desire to complete my summer ritual. A quick look around for farm trucks and then up under the gate. The road took on a different texture, a different mood now; it felt lonely, and abandoned. The road faded in and out, Grass and rock taking back sections of the road. The rock took over the grass and road, broken and striated the rock turned into boulders. My walk became a climb. I remember climbing, thinking this is too much, I’ve gone too far, I need to turn back, and then I would be there. Just like that, like a mirage, it would spread out like a shock, Deep Turquoise water, shear block cut walls, the ground around it like some alien land, lifeless and dry. I would sit on the edge of the quarry, sitting so still, so quiet while I told the water everything that had happened over the past year. I told it of my fears, my joys, and the things I had seen and learned. It was as if I was clearing my head and heart of the past year. Closing out the school year and making room for the new one to come. I would sit by that deep still water and become lighter and freer with every second of that imaginary conversation. It seemed to me that the trip back to my Grandparents house took only a blink of an eye… I was eager for my family, my cousins, for the noise and the music of them. Summer had officially begun. __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

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