The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by BullDog

SuperFemme, this is an amazing thread. I am learning a lot. Thank you.

I hope this is not too much of a derail, but it is something that is bothering me. I personally have never used the ignore button. I understand the usefulness of it and perhaps there are times I should have used it, but if I feel someone is crossing my boundaries, being hostile or aggressive to me, I want to know where they are and what they are saying- especially if they are male.

Most women of color I have dated or are friends with will never sit with their back to the door. Could be many white women feel this way too, but I have had this explained to me by a woman I was dating so I would understand better when we went somewhere where she would be more comfortable sitting. She explain a lot of other things to me and was a lot more conscious of personal safety and being out in public than I am. I think that is because of my white privilege.

I can understand why a woman of color would not want to put a male (whether they were differently abled or not) on ignore if he was not respecting her boundaries. I know the internet is not the same as being in physical proximity with someone, but we learn how to set and negotiate our boundaries out in the real world. I am not making any assumptions about Snow's reasons or speaking for her, but I did feel the need to say something. I think as a white person it is easier for me to move through this world and to ignore what I don't like than it would be for a person of color. I think that is white privilege.

So to try to tie this in to the thread, being differently abled or not is also going to of course intersect with many other factors to keep in mind in terms of how we interact with each other and interpret each others words.

Really great points BullDog and Christie!

BD, Maybe it is white privilege that I can ignore someone who makes me feel unsafe? I am actually just learning how to to do this with help from my therapist and it is proving very beneficial to *me*.

I had not thought of this from a white privileged angle. While I usually try to stop white privileged behaviors, walking away from people I do not think respect me is something I have worked very hard to be able to do, and I think it a beneficial strategy for anyone. Life changing even. It really helps with my stress level.

Christie, great answer also. It would be great to see some homework done on how to communicate with people on the spectrum so that things do not escalate to this point, but I don't expect anyone to. Since being DA applies to *me* I don't feel I can directly ask that of anyone.

Are issues of race more important than issues of disability? Which group has suffered more in the past and deserves to be dealt with through a filter of why things are like they are? You tell me.

I think we are all worthy of compassion.

Every one of us.

Even the people we can't deal with. (really hard one for me).