what NOT to do in a relationship.......

imperfect_cupcake · 07-30-2010, 08:09 AM

1) stop fussing over the other person and trying to do stuff for them all the time. it smothers them and it suffocates me. who am I, my mom??

2) leave wounded people to bleed somewhere else. I'd much rather have someone that doesn't want me to "heal" them from whatever it is they've gone through. you can get some therapy over there ----> and I'm not your mother. However, if someone is working on their sh*t, I'm more than happy to support them.

3) I am not ever going to be a femme in shining armour again. "you are perfectly wonderful you just need someone to love you enough and all your sh*tty behaviour and bitterness about others and cr@ppy outlook and insecurities will magicly go away!" jesus what an ego I had, I swear.

4) hide my issues. If I fuck up, don't lie about it and hide it.

5) don't let anyone else take over my issues. they are mine to deal with and if you want to help I'll tell you what I need from you... that said -

6) don't freak out when someone calls me on my shit. I need a partner who does this and can do in a way I can hear them.

7) someone who can't be called on *their* shit. That's fucking irritating. go away.

8) think that it's ok they aren't into the same stuff as me. it's totally not. I very much need a companion and best mate as a partner. so that means I need someone who wants to spend a lot of time with me doing things I find fun, important and fulfilling. Not everything but most things.

9) watch my tone of voice, young lady. I used to have a horrible "tone" even though I didn't mean it. I wasn't even aware I did it. I have successfully cracked that.

10) Don't try and have LTR with butches who don't switch. I have tried to fit into other people's sexualities but it's only possible when it's casual short term (<6 months).

dark_crystal · 07-30-2010, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

6) don't freak out when someone calls me on my shit. I need a partner who does this and can do in a way I can hear them.

"can do in a way I can hear them" cannot be overstated! Constructive criticism and correction are always appreciated, but too often in my (officially and admittedly and notoriously f@cked up) past, these "opportunities for growth" have been appropriated by my partners as "opportunities for putting me in my place."

if you kindly suggest an alternative method of doing something in the future- that is wonderful...if you contemptuously sneer at my "fail," that is about your need to make me feel "less than"

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07-30-2010, 08:09 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,708 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	1) stop fussing over the other person and trying to do stuff for them all the time. it smothers them and it suffocates me. who am I, my mom?? 2) leave wounded people to bleed somewhere else. I'd much rather have someone that doesn't want me to "heal" them from whatever it is they've gone through. you can get some therapy over there ----> and I'm not your mother. However, if someone is working on their sht, I'm more than happy to support them. 3) I am not ever going to be a femme in shining armour again. "you are perfectly wonderful you just need someone to love you enough and all your shtty behaviour and bitterness about others and cr@ppy outlook and insecurities will magicly go away!" jesus what an ego I had, I swear. 4) hide my issues. If I fuck up, don't lie about it and hide it. 5) don't let anyone else take over my issues. they are mine to deal with and if you want to help I'll tell you what I need from you... that said - 6) don't freak out when someone calls me on my shit. I need a partner who does this and can do in a way I can hear them. 7) someone who can't be called on their shit. That's fucking irritating. go away. 8) think that it's ok they aren't into the same stuff as me. it's totally not. I very much need a companion and best mate as a partner. so that means I need someone who wants to spend a lot of time with me doing things I find fun, important and fulfilling. Not everything but most things. 9) watch my tone of voice, young lady. I used to have a horrible "tone" even though I didn't mean it. I wasn't even aware I did it. I have successfully cracked that. 10) Don't try and have LTR with butches who don't switch. I have tried to fit into other people's sexualities but it's only possible when it's casual short term (<6 months).