Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 1

Porcellano


Some days I feel like a porcelain doll; hard head, hard hands, hard feet and everywhere else is soft, gormless. I feel useless and act out my feelings, stumbling through a day of pointless inactivity. I know that I belong on a shelf or propped upon the pillows of a bed, not fine enough for curio or collection, merely someone of marginal decorative value. I have gotten away from the meaning of me, the thrum of G-d’s intentions and am trapped in this world of elaboration; everything is embellished and nothing is real. It is time to put my foot down. To feel the earth solid and right; to catch my mind and take it out of its greasy spin from what is descent. I am not a China doll and it is time to walk away from these purloined thoughts.




Wear a white cotton cord around your waist

*

I KNOW



I know more than I understand.
I know more than I let on.
I know right from wrong
Left from right, uphill from down.

I know you have my best interest at heart
I know I often don’t.
I know it hurts when I fall
But holding on isn’t easy.

I know that wanting is not needing
And needing is not enough
I know old thinking breeds old action
But new thinking is often wild
And requires two minds for review.

I know to look three ways before crossing the street
Because trouble sometimes hits head on.
I know that if life is the question, yes is the answer

[RockOn]

Good morning, Sherrie!

I sure do like this line in your above post:
"I know old thinking breeds old action." This is so true.

I am chairing our Women's 6:00 AA meeting tonight. I am leaning towards the GRATITUDE topic, knowing full well it will draw many groans and sighs from the ladies attending ... (LOL!) ... but that is where my heart is today. And even when I have been the groaner (many times) - it always puts things into a good perspective for me because it reels me in and causes me to realize what is most important. Funny how that works.

Have a swell Sunday, my friend!
Hope things are well with you.

Brock

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 2


In Plain Sight

When there is a problem, I hide. As the good places diminish I end up standing behind a pole. The trouble with this is that something always sticks out. I try weight loss, I suck in my tummy, I try to blend with the scenery. Once spotted I act nonchalant; “I’m just hanging around with my skinny friend; nothing is the matter,” attempting to cover with a casual aside what is apparent to everyone but me. I would be better off parading naked than endeavoring this piteous disguise. I can’t fool the crowd and trying to makes a fool of me. What I have forgotten is that clarity and diligence removes the target from my back and makes me invisible to almost everyone. When I solve my problem I solve this problem too.




Permit anxiety to drip off you and flow away


*

WALKING JOY HOME

I make sure to walk joy home,
Not because I doubt her ability to find it alone
Rather because it gives me extra time with her.

I used to fear joy.
That I would be intoxicated by her presents
And lose my well-hardened grasp on realism.

Now I see that without joy in my life there is no realism
That it was only cynicism
Masquerading in its place.

Joy is simple and unassuming,
I often confuse her with ecstasy and scoot away in shy terror
Joy is nice to have around she is not just a party animal.

Sometimes I invite her over for a cup of tea.
When we are done I take the winding path
To savor every step up to her door.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 3



Big Name


My name has a foreign sound; my head turns when it is called. I recognize this as training not identity. I remember teaching the dog her name. I called it while petting and praising her, soon the name was hers. Now, I think of G-d. Did we call long and loud enough to trigger name recognition on a vast intangible? Is this how we tagged and labeled the unknowable; assigned it a place on a shelf; somewhere to be called up from? Does the noise sound as strange as the syllables of my name sound to me? Does it matter as long as we answer?






Check for low doorbells and high expectations

*

PARADOX OF PARADISE

Paradise is created when I collect paradox and live with it.
Paradise is the set of acceptance and suspended disbelief.
If anything is possible accepting what comes is less heart wrenching.

If I arrest my misgivings
Gratification in the voluptuousness of now ---is velvet.
Vague consent is a Hell of incapacity.

Fighting fiercely for both sides
Keeps the heart pumping and the mind at bliss.
I must work to embrace contradiction and happiness
.
There is more than one path to take
And I must take that one.

[Tommi]

Friend's of Bill, Lois Jimmy and other 12 Steppers.
8/21/ 2010-Sat.
7:45am-8:45am

Hosted by Tommi & LeftwriteFemme

RSVP to Tommi for Coffee and Peabody location


I revised the time, so it doesn't run into the other 9AM events.
LeftWriteFemme will post other LGBT meetings in Little Rock, AR.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 4




Sleep Tight

Did you dream? Sleep the sleep of faultless souls? Or twist the sheets as in that Gilbert & Sullivan treatment? Are night time wrestlings an indication of decadent day- time activity? Or is it all simply a matter of happenstance? Possibly something I ate? Thought? Wished for? I think to myself I should not have gotten into that unmade bed, should have made it up; the bed and my mind, should have straighten out the crumpled mass of discarded dreams from yesterday and started fresh, but instead I climbed in with it all tumbled and tossed, lumpy and coarse, no smooth sailing in this tangled sea. What time I save by leveling the playing field and plumping the pillows. All is not lost, there is always tonight. Sweet dreams straight ahead.




Throw the ball even if you can’t pitch it

*

NEVER LET GO

When it grows dark on one side of transparency
The other becomes reflective.
When addiction doesn’t hold a flame for me
I see the true face of its results.

Because I know now the destructive possibilities
I must print the picture and post it on the wall.
For one day may come when addiction appears
As a light for me and the mirror will be gone.

I need to keep clear the truth even when my eyes lie to me
And my sensibilities catch on fire.
The glass can be the boundary or the tumbler,
The glare of day can be harsh or bright.

Light is forever shifting
I cannot count on shadows for predictions.
I must know it when I see it, chant it to remember
And hold hands and never let go.

[TenderKnight]

I just want to say this.. Nothing can lift my heart or my spirits more then waiting in line for cake with a bunch of older Queens and hearing them bitch about how big they are cutting the slices and that they want some of the GOOD aka homemade cake.. I was kinda feeling off during the meeting but standing in line and hearing that just struck me as the greatest thing in the world.. mainly cause I could see that they are just as crazy as I am.. lmao.. I wanted the good cake too!!