Negotiating Silence

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I further think (and this is not something I have ever seen you ((Arwen)) do, just jumping off of the subject) that we need to be careful about making fun of people we do not agree with. Just becasue we might do it to their face and feel authentic in doing so is not a good reason.

Does that make sense?

I am snipping your post for space rather than ignoring any of it. I think I have a personal issue with confrontation. I want to talk things out. I want to find out WHY someone feels a need to bitch about me behind my back. I will GO to the person I am told is talking about me. I want to have a conversation and maybe some resolution, you know?

However, I am slowly coming to realize that that is ME wanting others to toe my party line. And if I am not willing to toe theirs, how can I demand they toe mine? Right?

The idea of ridicule as a silencer is important to me. Again, something I've done. I'm working on the idea of mirror a lot so I am focusing on me-me-me for many of my discussions.

Ridicule is scarily close to teasing. I tease a lot. I've crossed the line and been called on it (thank you to those who were kind/brave/honest enough to have a discussion with me about it). I am really working on the kindness thing myself. Some see it as artificial. I know my "seek joy, y'all" has been met with laughter. It's all good. I don't need to have my personal journey match anyone else's.

But when I find others who gossip and ridicule me, then I find that I do not need them in my life. Life is hard enough without having to deal with people who choose that particular path. And, smile, it's just another path. I just don't want to walk it, that's all.

I think sometimes folks see my statements as peripheral put-downs. Not so. If anything, they are reminders to myself of what I can and can not tolerate in my own life from myself. Again, learning that I can only control me is an interesting lesson.

So I find gossip silencing and you, Apoca, may find it liberating because you don't have to hear it about yourself. I think it is others trying to get me to fit their world and you see it as unimportant in your world. I like the way you see it. Maybe I can wrestle my poor self-esteem around to seeing it your way.

Did I state how you see it correctly? I don't mean to diminish your voice.