About Butches Q & A

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by softness

I have found my share of local butches but none of them are what I am seeking. The older I get and the more responsible and mature I am about the decision I make regarding dating and partnerships, the narrower my field of dating potentials become. I turn to the internet for good conversation and companionship but again, the older I get the more I am resolved not to leave home again..my family is here and I own my own home. I have had enough non successful long distance relationships to know I am unwilling to make that leap of faith again for a butch or FtM. Someone would have to come to me or by god, prove to me that for once, I dont have more to lose than they do. That was the problem in the past. The ones I moved to, could have their old lives back when we didnt work out. I had to recreate mine all over again. And last time, I almost wasnt able to. I had lost so much over a course of a decade that I couldnt lose not one more thing and not end up homeless. Its simply not going to happen again. I am capable of a relationship, just not willing to be so disposible to anyone ever again...forever hasnt meant to others what it meant to me...

So...I am contently single in Ohio. I have my share of admirers online and locally but too damn scared or too narrow in my expectations for one human being to fit the bill. He would have to be someone pretty damned magically real to catch me.

We femmes are out here...

You say so many things here that fit for many mature butches, like me. My home is important to me and although my family isn't that close in location, it isn't all that far, either. I am not willing to just uproot and move and not willing to do a long distance relationship, either. I wouldn't ask someone to do what I choose not too or cannot do. I have pets, too and I love my yard and gardens. I'm not going to take long trips elsewhere and leave my home and to expect the other person to most of the travel isn't fair.

Now, I do live where there is a large queer population, but, my age and list of "non-negotiables" have very much influenced my not partnering with someone again. The possibilities have been out (many femmes are near) there and I appreciate this fact, but, I have not dated anyone that is a good fit for me. Also, the B-F community here has a pretty high rate of poly and leather femmes. Neither of those are what I seek. Both work well for many people and I applaud them. I certainly have some good friendships with people that practice both and that is a good thing.

I have met femmes from the Planet (and dash site) at events and of course, I have met some I was attracted to and just really thought were great and wondered if I would hit it off with them if given the opportunity. However, femmes in my age group (and I am not interested in being with someone a lot younger or older than myself) also have careers, family and friends where they live and like you, are not going to just jump into anything.

Due to arthritis, I have been considering moving to a dryer climate and even doing some extended road travel to check out areas, But, this is strictly about my finding out if I like another geographic area that might be easier on my joints. It is not to pursue a relationship.

I have been fortunate in my lifetime to have known what a positive long term relationship is like and have to be honest, i wouldn't settle for anything less. I'd rather remain single. if someone comes into my life again and both of our sets of needs and wants match and we live close enough to not cause undue difficulty, then i would probably welcome her into my life.

I do enjoy some dating, but, I also have close friends that like to do the things that i enjoy and friends are important to me. sure, I miss the kind of intimacy one shares with a partner and of course I can feel lonely at times. Yet, i have a full life and one I am grateful for. Plus, I totally love retirement. Although, the recession has had an effect on this and has put limits on me. But, all will work out eventually.

So much of this is about natural life passages….. And cycles…[/COLOR]