PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Jet]

I haven't been in here for quite sometime. I'd like you all to know that the end is in sight. Due to the nature of my ordeal, I can't go into to details, but I can tell you that one the biggest obstacles to overcome was fear. Unbelievable how much fear existed and how much it dominated by life. I ran from my life—my very person and ended up living on auto-pilot. The denial and suppressed feelings was so great that I never saw my physical changes as I aged or how much had I lost which was just about everything. I lost friends, material things and my livelihood.

It has taken 22 months to face and overcome my fears. First, I had to admit that something terrible had to be faced in my life. If I didn't face the inevitable, I would be running in circles as I had done all along as a way to avert or sidestep the ordeal. So I got on the right medicine so I could operate normally day to day, and help with the anxiety of facing what happened.

Secondly, I had to break it down into baby steps so I could move through the event. As I did this, it felt as though pieces were surfing which helped to alleviate the pressure in my chest. I felt that something was going to blow from the inside. The reason is because I had suppressed so much to the point were feelings and fears felt "impacted." The body can only take so much psychologically, physiologically and neurologically and I had suffered all three for...18 years. I felt absolutely powerless in facing the event, so baby steps were key in processing what happened.

Third, I had to feel the feelings and allow them to surface and get out of my system. I call it being unchained. I've had to move through fear and anger and so much negativity.


Now, as I type this, I've regained long term memory and let go of so much anger. This is a daily occurance. How beautiful to feel again and experience the person I am. Nothing is hidden anymore. It's a fall, my favorite season, and I am present within myself as my trauma continues to leave me.