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08-21-2012, 11:03 AM
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#1 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer fucker Preferred Pronoun?:
Mine Relationship Status:
I'm dating myself. It's really working out. I think I'm the one!!! 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: To your right and a bit South.
Posts: 1,522
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Thanked 1,470 Times in 445 Posts
Rep Power: 19646657   |
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die." |
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08-22-2012, 10:49 AM
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#2 | |
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Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch as fuck Relationship Status:
alone until i heal Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: S W Ontario
Posts: 34
Thanks: 24
Thanked 124 Times in 26 Posts
Rep Power: 977871 |
Quote:
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08-24-2012, 09:32 AM
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#3 |
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Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
yes dear Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: south florida
Posts: 2,494
Thanks: 3,264
Thanked 6,737 Times in 1,777 Posts
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the other night Dixie and I were doing our usual nightly texting when suddenly
Dixie: Sooo i see you're paying the sluts again Me: .gif "Say What?") Dixie: PLAYING the SLOTS!! OMG!! me  
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08-24-2012, 10:35 AM
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#4 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer. Femme. Preferred Pronoun?:
girl ones 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Twin Cities
Posts: 1,020
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Thanked 2,096 Times in 532 Posts
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last night, this cracked me up..
my 5 yrs old started asking me about when 'he was in my tummy'.. he wanted to know if he made my tummy wiggle and poke out and such... so I'm describing to him how it felt and what it looked like in kiddo terms, and we are totally cracking up about it.. all of the sudden he gets serious and says, "momma... did I drink milk?" and stares at my boobs. uhhhh. I answered and then lmao'd. oooohh, the questions from the mouths of babes.
__________________
 ...not your average betty.
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08-26-2012, 07:52 PM
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#5 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
TOO MANY THINGS this weekend cracked me up!!!!
a cute little boy wading in the creek, yelling out "OH IT'S WARM HERE! FISH PEE!!" ... I absolutely fell in love with that little guy this weekend! He's the kind of kid that you NEVER want to grow up! He'd come off with so many one liners, I should have written them down! I nicknamed him "blue boy" because every time he was in the water too long, he'd turn blue!! But you had to DRAG him out! a camping companion to crack jokes with all weekend and hear them say "you're sooooo bad, girl!" every time I cracked a funny and surprised them! privately cracking jokes with my companion about how I would crush a certain guy's ego if I got his fire going for him when he couldn't... (you had to see and interact with this guy to know what I mean...) needless to say, if it wasn't for me, they would have been eating cold hot dogs! the sweet young mother who was with that guy calling us "pioneering women" this morning when they saw our raging, blazing firepit... and me yelling back "WE CHEATED! We used a firestarter block wrapped in paper!" ... (her bf had been using wet wood) This morning, "blue boy" came wading down river and yelled out, very proud "WE CAUGHT A FISH!!"... I asked how big? He held his tiny hands out BIIIIIGGG but quickly moved them back together about the size of a peanut butter sandwich... too cute His brother came wading up behind him, and I noticed he had a handful of fishing line and was intently watching something in the water... he yelled out "WE CAUGHT A FISH!!" then he pulled out this tiny little brim at the end of his line, he gently placed it back in the water and gave it extra fishing line... We CRACKED UP!!! He was "Walking" his fish like a dog on a leash!!! allowing it plenty of line to swim down stream... I hollered at him "AWWW HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU HAD A HOOK IN YOUR JAW?" ... he responded "we didn't use a hook, we used a weight and thread it through his gills where he doesn't feel a thing." .... POOR FISHIE!! I laughed so hard this weekend!
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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08-27-2012, 12:22 AM
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#6 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
lots more laughing ...
spending the last 4 hours on the phone, cracking up and sharing stories about the kids in our lives and all the "out of the mouths of babes " things that we fondly recall...
me spending hours on the phone with ANYBODY is rare enough to make me laugh!
__________________
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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08-30-2012, 01:36 PM
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#7 |
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Timed Out - Permanent
How Do You Identify?:
butch stone Preferred Pronoun?:
masculine ones work best... Relationship Status:
♥ engaged to spritz ♥ 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: bangor, maine
Posts: 3,344
Thanks: 20,720
Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
What cracked me up today...
daughter: so we took ju to his preschool for openhouse to check out his room and meet his teacher. me: oh yeh how'd that go? daughter: omg he was sooooo excited, he squealed! me: that's sooooo awesome! julian: boobeh i squealed!! *giggle giggle chuckle laugh* That kid, I swear, he's gonna leave his mark at that preschool! 
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08-30-2012, 07:10 PM
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#8 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Relationship Status:
Flying Solo 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 2,258
Thanks: 6,749
Thanked 8,047 Times in 1,618 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Mr. Poodle Pants and Panjo...
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08-31-2012, 11:02 PM
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#9 |
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Timed Out - Permanent
How Do You Identify?:
butch stone Preferred Pronoun?:
masculine ones work best... Relationship Status:
♥ engaged to spritz ♥
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: bangor, maine
Posts: 3,344
Thanks: 20,720
Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Two staff in the back office. One had her pre-teen child with her for the evening.
Mind you, I can only hear this conversation. I was at the computer typing logs... child: Mom what is this thing? staff: What thing? child: This weird brown thing? mom: Oh hmmmm well it's a penis. child: OMG whaaaaat??? La la la, I can't hear youuuuuuuuu (assuming fingers in ears) mom: You asked. child: What are you people doing with this thing here? mom: We teach the kids on the streets the proper way to put on a condom. child: OMG I really don't want to know this from you! mom: Meet my co-worker! Ahahahaaaaaa oh the highlight of my evenings
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09-01-2012, 10:49 PM
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#10 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
trying to find a 12 pack of Bud lite for my mechanic buddy that busted his ass fixing my car today... only thing is, he didn't tell me that the towns on the way to his house (in a neighboring county) were "dry"
__________________
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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09-01-2012, 11:51 PM
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#11 | |
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Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
her, she...female ones... Relationship Status:
married to Arcstriker Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: CT
Posts: 143
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Thanked 407 Times in 100 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
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09-08-2012, 10:25 AM
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#12 | |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: East coast
Posts: 2,416
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Thanked 12,296 Times in 2,057 Posts
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Quote:
So annoying to me... when someone else's religious beliefs dictate when and where I can buy a product. |
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09-08-2012, 02:21 PM
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#13 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
*** 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: ***
Posts: 4,999
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Thanked 18,283 Times in 4,166 Posts
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today's star trek google doodle -- click on various things from the beginning.
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09-02-2012, 08:34 AM
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#14 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?:
wild woman Relationship Status:
No, thank you. 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time…
Posts: 7,665
Thanks: 15,246
Thanked 27,602 Times in 6,959 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
Ciaran's post in the NEVER thread :P Thanks for the laugh!
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09-06-2012, 03:06 PM
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#15 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
just as I got on a teleconference with my boss ...
Blade's mom and sister barge into my kitchen DEMANDING my pants....I'm still recovering ... what cracked me up was more about my thoughts to her demands than the invasion itself of an old woman demanding my pants... I learned today to lock my porch door...
__________________
****************************
She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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09-06-2012, 03:23 PM
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#16 | |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
TG Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Down on the farm
Posts: 5,501
Thanks: 9,855
Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
Quote:
__________________
Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
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09-06-2012, 03:34 PM
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#17 | |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Quote:
what am I supposed to call her when a 70 something woman invades my "office" demanding my pants??.. The first thing I did was look down at my legs to see I was wearing a skirt, not pants! and think.."who let her out of the bean garden? "... this is the FIRST time I ever wanted to blurt out W.T.F!! are you doing in my kitchen! ! .. if she doesn't like "old woman"...and corrected me for saying "fart" one day.. then she would trip on her Depends when I yelled WTF!!
__________________
****************************
She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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09-08-2012, 10:16 AM
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#18 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
TG Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Down on the farm
Posts: 5,501
Thanks: 9,855
Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
Beautiful sunshiney morning. Meeting a friend for breakfast, we haven't done that in a while. She is very self confident but sometimes I have to lovingly remind her that her roots are dark brown. Her words "blonde moment" she has a lot of them.
I pullin in the parking lot and see her pulling up across the road. I go on inside to get a table. She still isn't in the diner 5 minutes later. The only people I know who take longer to get out of a car are "The Greenbean Lady" and Kenna. I have no idea what takes so long to open the door and get out. Anyway finally I look up at the door and in she walks. She looks funny to me. She has on these big sunglasses and one side is real dark and the other is clear...like no UV protection at all, like a clear lense. She gets to the table and sits down. I begin laughing hysterically. One of the lens is completely out of her sunglasses. Remember I said beautiful and sun shining, right. She says what the hell is so funny. I said what happen to your glasses. She says nothing why? I said you bought them with one lense dark and the other missing? She goes huh? Takes them off and looks at them and sort of chuckles and said OMG I didn't even notice it. REALLY!? Blinding sun and you didn't even realize it. Oh Lordy I about busted a gut laughing at her.
__________________
Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
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09-26-2012, 10:46 PM
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#19 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,806
Thanks: 4,624
Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
I'm a bit late posting this
I wasn't there, but heard about it afterwards ..
Blade and his mishap with the double layered shower curtain ... then the funny look on his face when he told me about it... never a dull moment around here
__________________
****************************
She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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09-26-2012, 10:53 PM
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#20 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
***
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: ***
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You know you're from Oakland if . . .
I don't know if it cracked me up, but it amused me. I am not from Oakland, but lived there for about a year and a half. My best CA friend lives there, and he's a stalwart supporter of the Alley, a piano bar featured here.
http://blog.sfgate.com/stew/2012/09/...-if/#7318101-1 |
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