Getting Rid of Flippant Language : Check Yourselves Here

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Selenay

Gypped and Jewed.

gyp
"to cheat, swindle," 1889, Amer.Eng., probably short for Gypsy.

jewed
verb. To get screwed over or cheated out of something.


(Source and Source)

coming clean:

while the term 'jewed' makes my skin crawl--i never knew that 'gyp' was related to 'gypsy' until about 6 months ago, the reason it never occurred to me is because 1. i don't normally say, 'gypped' as it seems out-dated and 2. i had thought the spelling was, 'jipped'. i had occasion to write the word, and when i looked it up i was dismayed to find that it was 'gyp' and knew immediately that it had its origins in/of relating to 'gypsy'. i thought to relate this story because i don't consider myself to be unaware when it comes to language and origins of words--somehow this one got by me.

[Darth Denkay]

Hearing someone use the term "retarded" sets me off every time.

Another phrase that gets to me is when someone is having a bad day and someone says "oh, they must not have had their prozac today." That is insulting to anyone who takes psychotropic drugs. I call people on it. I realize that folks don't intend it as insulting but I will not sit by and let it go.

Bob, I get you that it is difficult to say things that will never offend others, but when something is said folks need to be called on it. Offensive language is not okay. I can give someone the benefit of the doubt if they simply don't know any better, but once it is pointed out if they continue to use it it is disrespectful to a group of us.

There are certain areas where we are frequently reminded that if a member of said group is offended by words/phrases then we need to respect them and refrain from said word/phrase. Why is this considered appropriate for some groups but not others? There is nothing remotely humerous about mental illness or the medications used to treat it. If someone makes a flippant statement utilizing that language they should be called on it. No excuses not to be or to continue to use that kind of language.

Can you tell that I'm passionate about this?

[Arwen]

Rape

"That ticket guy raped me for those tickets."
"I went to ths store and got raped. Did you see those prices."

And ad nauseum.

This is one word that makes me see red. I become so infuriated I need to b e .

It is a hurtful, ugly, nasty word that brings up so much pain.

If I could erase all use of this word other than what it is actually mean for, I would be happy.

[WolfyOne]

Great topic Medusa. I'm not usually one to use words that hurt others intentionally and rarely swear unless quite angry and provoked at that time. I wasn't raised around it and think there is little use for those words. I will say there is one word that will get me riled up in a heart beat and I will go off on the person that uses it around me. That word would be cunt and writing it here doesn't make me feel good, but if I didn't, you wouldn't know the word.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Great topic Medusa. I'm not usually one to use words that hurt others intentionally and rarely swear unless quite angry and provoked at that time. I wasn't raised around it and think there is little use for those words. I will say there is one word that will get me riled up in a heart beat and I will go off on the person that uses it around me. That word would be cunt and writing it here doesn't make me feel good, but if I didn't, you wouldn't know the word.

This word brings me to rage! I have a bad history related to hearing it and being called this word in a debilitating time of my life.

[friskyfemme]

Okay here is my 'offended by words' list.
(any word that slangs race, geographic orgin, religious belief or intellectual level / capacity, physical or mental disorders), asshole, bastard, bitch, cunt, fuck(er,'MF'), slut,
whore.

These are words heard/read recently. Most within this site. If you are willing to be educated and wish to be respectful take heed of what others feel/perceive as hurtful/offensive.

[Nat]

I did have a guy ask me not to use the word "bastard" because he was born without a dad and that word hurt him every single time he heard it. I managed to never use the word around him, but occasionally it still slips out. But then I think of him and regret saying it.

Words can hurt and I am more and more aware of that the older I get. I try to be respectful.

[AtLast]

[QUOTE=June;128651]Frisky. You just took away most of my vocabulary. Can you explain why asshole, fucker, bitch, cunt are problematic to you?

I get Bastard, (I still use it for special folks in my life) because of the origins of the word. Technically, my son is one because he was born out of wedlock 8^O however, when I used it, it has no reflection on the original meaning.

We have the capabilities with this software to make **** appear when people type certain words, but I wonder if that would be taking censorship too far?

For me, context means a lot:


QUOTE]



I find cunt extremely offensive, personally. Then, again, I don't much like any slang for female or male reproductive/sexual body parts. Just don't. On a website, however, I expect to see them used and I wouldn't react to usage overall, unless used to directly cut a person down (any person) or in a sexist manner. CONTEXT really does say a lot!!

I don't use foul language much in real-time. Just don't and I don't really have any kind of reason for this. Sure, If I whack a thumb with a hammer, f-u-c-k does come out of my mouth.

I also know that in my background, there was an unwritten code not to sound like the daughter of an uneducated immigrant garbage man... because that is what people expected of us.

Guess, I just try to understand what someone else migfht be feeling about certain terms and not use them here if they let me know it is offensive to them.

The key word for me in the title of the thread is flippant.... sometimes flippant gets old.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by June

Frisky. You just took away most of my vocabulary. Can you explain why asshole, fucker, bitch, cunt are problematic to you?

I get Bastard, (I still use it for special folks in my life) because of the origins of the word. Technically, my son is one because he was born out of wedlock 8^O however, when I used it, it has no reflection on the original meaning.

We have the capabilities with this software to make **** appear when people type certain words, but I wonder if that would be taking censorship too far?

For me, context means a lot:

That X, she's a real cunt <--- Bad
My cunt itches <--- Vulgar, but not offensive (for me)

I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts on this

Ok, Here goes! Let me preface my response by saying all of these words have been directed toward me and my siblings in childhood by my father. Let's just say they weren't words of endearment. However, I have conditioned myself not to assume it is an intentional slur unless I have said so. I let others fight their own battles. But, I think awareness and intention are the keys for any social exchange. As in any situation, majority rules and the minority 'suck it up'. Determining which is which is the key!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Rape

"That ticket guy raped me for those tickets."
"I went to ths store and got raped. Did you see those prices."

And ad nauseum.

This is one word that makes me see red. I become so infuriated I need to b e .

It is a hurtful, ugly, nasty word that brings up so much pain.

If I could erase all use of this word other than what it is actually mean for, I would be happy.

I know that Rush Limbaugh uses the term: "bend down and grab the ankles" to describe what the dems do to the republicans. It always irks me when he does that. He is not only implying rape, but also anal sex. While rape is a horrid thing (as someone who has experienced it first hand), the implication that anal sex is something equally horrible is a problem for me. It has homophobic implications as well.

[Medusa]

Im so glad we are all having this conversation!

And I just want to say that Wolfy brought up a word that made me think a little harder (thanks Wolfy!)


The word "cunt"..aka the "c" bomb *isnt* problematic for me. I personally ADORE that word. It feels like a reclamation of power to me.
Here is the point that I wanted to make with this thread, there are words that we might use in our vocabulary that feel different to other people. Wolfy gave a great example of how the "c" bomb feels when Wolfy hears it.
I can now be *aware* when I use that word in Wolfy's presense that Wolfy feels differently about that word than I do.

And awareness gives us the ability to make choices. I like that.

Now, here is another thing to think about. It feels to me like there is a difference in using words that are racially, ethnically, or culturally offensive (think "gypped") and using words like "cunt" that may be sexist or misogynistic when describing a woman and people like me who use the word "cunt" to take the power back from the hierarchy that tries to villify or silence me with my own sexuality.

One of those is NEVER ok, one of those is ok (for me) because of how *I* own it. I dont know if this makes any sense here.

Now, do I think that someone could come in and say "Well, I use the word "gyp" because it means that I am owning it differently"? No. I think that a word like that, when used in the context of denigrating an entire group of people, can't be owned by anything except one of those -isms. (or ignorance)

Again, I am SO SO SO glad that we are all talking about this. I think that we can all help each other communicate in more thoughtful ways and ways that make the Planet feel more positive to everyone who comes here. Thank you all so much

[SuperFemme]

After sustaining a brain injury and being deemed "mentally incompetent" by the government? I have reclaimed the word "retarded". Rather than having it shoved down our throats by others, some of my fellow brain injury rehabilitation students used it in reference to ourselves. Before somebody else got the chance. When you set your own kitchen on fire 16 times in three months and order the same pizza 23 times in an hour from the local pizza parlor...you have to give yourself permission to laugh at that which is painful. I use the word very sparingly in front of certain company. It is not used in an offensive manner, but perhaps I need to rethink?

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

After sustaining a brain injury and being deemed "mentally incompetent" by the government? I have reclaimed the word "retarded". Rather than having it shoved down our throats by others, some of my fellow brain injury rehabilitation students used it in reference to ourselves. Before somebody else got the chance. When you set your own kitchen on fire 16 times in three months and order the same pizza 23 times in an hour from the local pizza parlor...you have to give yourself permission to laugh at that which is painful. I use the word very sparingly in front of certain company. It is not used in an offensive manner, but perhaps I need to rethink?

My love!

I have the same stuff going on around the word "crazy". I am, technically and medically, "crazy" and I have used that word to identify myself in mixed company as a way to show folks that Im ok talking about it. It is an intensely personal thing when it comes to medical stuff (as you well know) and I know that I have been in conversations where people are incredibly uncomfortable asking questions or trying to navigate around my idiosyncrasies. I use the word "crazy" to kinda say "Hey, I have a diagnosis for all of this eccentric stuff." I *identify* with "crazy".

But.

A mental health professional has told me that this word is hurtful to people who dont own it in the same way.

The question sets up a weird dichotomy for me where I put my identity as "crazy" first or those other "crazy" people's feelings. I dont think it has to *be* a dichotomy but Im still learning to navigate that.

In short, I HEAR YOU! YAY!

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Im so glad we are all having this conversation!

And I just want to say that Wolfy brought up a word that made me think a little harder (thanks Wolfy!)


The word "cunt"..aka the "c" bomb *isnt* problematic for me. I personally ADORE that word. It feels like a reclamation of power to me.
Here is the point that I wanted to make with this thread, there are words that we might use in our vocabulary that feel different to other people. Wolfy gave a great example of how the "c" bomb feels when Wolfy hears it.
I can now be *aware* when I use that word in Wolfy's presense that Wolfy feels differently about that word than I do.

And awareness gives us the ability to make choices. I like that.

Now, here is another thing to think about. It feels to me like there is a difference in using words that are racially, ethnically, or culturally offensive (think "gypped") and using words like "cunt" that may be sexist or misogynistic when describing a woman and people like me who use the word "cunt" to take the power back from the hierarchy that tries to villify or silence me with my own sexuality.

One of those is NEVER ok, one of those is ok (for me) because of how *I* own it. I dont know if this makes any sense here.

Now, do I think that someone could come in and say "Well, I use the word "gyp" because it means that I am owning it differently"? No. I think that a word like that, when used in the context of denigrating an entire group of people, can't be owned by anything except one of those -isms. (or ignorance)

Again, I am SO SO SO glad that we are all talking about this. I think that we can all help each other communicate in more thoughtful ways and ways that make the Planet feel more positive to everyone who comes here. Thank you all so much

If the word is used pertaining to ones self and you feel good about it, great. I have always thought it vulgar. Growing up in Chicago and having 5 brothers, I heard it spit out of their mouths more ways than I can count. Ignorant is all I can say about a few of my brothers. Some grew up and learned and some never grew up.

Communication is a big part of what's missed in some threads. Once one person takes a sentence or two out of context from the OP's way of thinking, others also tend to jump on the band wagon. I know, I've been guilty of it myself. There are threads many won't go into out of fear.....fear of either being rejected or humiliated. We all have our own opinions and it's ok. It's not ok to jump all over anyone in a thread. The language you use to present yourself is reflected upon you. I want others to always feel comfy here, so I'll do my best to watch how I use my words. We can agree to disagree as long as what we say doesn't come across as flippant.

[WILDCAT]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

If the word is used pertaining to ones self and you feel good about it, great. I have always thought it vulgar. Growing up in Chicago and having 5 brothers, I heard it spit out of their mouths more ways than I can count. Ignorant is all I can say about a few of my brothers. Some grew up and learned and some never grew up.

Communication is a big part of what's missed in some threads. Once one person takes a sentence or two out of context from the OP's way of thinking, others also tend to jump on the band wagon. I know, I've been guilty of it myself. There are threads many won't go into out of fear.....fear of either being rejected or humiliated. We all have our own opinions and it's ok. It's not ok to jump all over anyone in a thread. The language you use to present yourself is reflected upon you. I want others to always feel comfy here, so I'll do my best to watch how I use my words. We can agree to disagree as long as what we say doesn't come across as flippant.

Wow, this was sad to me. I'm sorry you went through this experience WolfyOne, with your siblings. I can't even imagine.

I always thought the "c" word was vulgar sounding too. It was like the worst thing you could say about a woman. It our area it is still not used - except for my one friend's family! All of the girls there say it. (Think like "Kitty from Gunsmoke", using the highest level of profanity! And ALL quick tempered redheads! FUN!! Now, I am a bit of a redhead, not being "redist" here, Mm-K?)

There were three sisters and ONE brother growing up in our household. IF my brother would have EVER used "any" word like that to/at/for us, there would have been a hole out one of the house walls replicating his exact dimensions.

Places like this with public writing, of course I try to be considerate. Isn't it just common courtesy? Sometimes I am shocked by what I read, AND I also have knee-jerked with the band wagon - that has normally been when someone was not just confused, or not showing they now understand or even care, but actually being downright rude and provocative - seemingly with intent. (WHICH has often kind of proved the point for the "knee-jerk" in the first place and follow up responses. Instigating, so to speak. Target words used with mal-intention.)

But, we are going to make mistakes. It's how we learn and grow! (I know, I always say this kind of stuff!) And everyone is at a different place of personal growth and understanding. I've said this before too - that's just the reality of it all. There are many kind and helpful folks here though.

Some rude ones are "joykill" for me though, I'll admit. The spirit and intention of a brand new thread can be brought down SO QUICKLY. I would get all excited to see something of interest to me - next thing I knew there is someone posting antagonistically somehow. It is hurtful and seems senseless to me. But, "humor" to someone else. Hatred sometimes? Perhaps some of this does make sense to some, well clearly it does - as wars break out for folks taking sides. We usually see these things on what we know are the "hot topics". (And then there's the nasty breakups of course...)

Yes, we also see repeatedly that folks state, "this is why I stay on the fluff and fun threads". I have often considered that myself.

The wars are generally for two different reasons though. Sticking up for someone they know or share the same sentiment(s), OR because someone felt someone was jumped on too harshly. Sometimes in the heat of battle we can't even keep from [distinguishing] that too clearly...



We should be able to write anywhere here without fear. IF someone rips on me publicly in a thread, or writes something "anti" any person, group, culture, etc... folks can and will speak up. That is community. That's not all a bad thing.

The trolls kill me. I finally accepted that this is done on purpose (yeah, it was a true shocker and heart breaker), and now can see the pattern at times. We need to be careful with that here I believe - and not turn on each other when we are in fact being set up to do so. (That's NOT the same thing at all where there is a good debate topic up for discussion.)

Generally, once I am done with someone though... I am "done". Their loss! (I do embrace efforts however to clear up things - for the genuine at heart. I'm a softy that way!) I see there are others like this too.




*There are no easy answers. It IS just good that discussions are taking place like this - especially on a new site. Thanks for that!! (I think I got a little too general and broad here. Oops. Emotional "PMS" disclaimer time! Afraid to submit this now... I know, it's boring... but, I hate to expose my thoughts, I just can't help myself though!)