PTSD and Trauma recovery

[katsarecool]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

This seems to be a hard time of the year for all of us.

I am hanging in, but ache all over from being so tense. After a meltdown on Thanksgiving morning, I stayed home alone and managed to get calmed down and had a nice afternoon until people who had been with their families stopped by.

My therapist says I am to tell my family and my G/Fs family that I am not doing any more holidays, It freaks me out too bad and its not worth it for my health.

I am traumatized to talk to any of them about it.

UGH

I would rather sit in a closet and bang my head on something. Silly I know.

Good for you!!!!! If you can't tell them about it how about writing a letter? And perhaps visiting them one by one on a day that is not a holiday is easier?

I have to deal with this every freaking year there is a family reunion. My stgep-father was negligent of his children; verbally abusive and sexually abusive to the we girls. So why they promote and dig the family reunion so much is beyond my comprehension. But I get a tight gut every time the topic comes up "Are you going to be at the family reunion this year? and we miss you?" It has been going on for about 12 years now and so far I have not gone pleading some excuse or another. If they missed me so much why not drive the seven hours up here? The reunion is always down there in central Florida for pete's sake.

Thanks for letting me rant and rave about my crazy co-dependent family!!!

[Leigh]

I just wanted to come in and say hello to everyone, I hope your all doing well and that the holidays will be better as time goes on ........ I wish that all of us get through this time of year better than before, ready to tackle a new year with vigour and knowledge that we are worth fighting for

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Matthew

I just wanted to come in and say hello to everyone, I hope your all doing well and that the holidays will be better as time goes on ........ I wish that all of us get through this time of year better than before, ready to tackle a new year with vigour and knowledge that we are worth fighting for

Thank you! I hope so too. Just have to get the balls up enough enough to talk to some people who WAY stress me out and tell then I just can't go through this any more.

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you! I hope so too. Just have to get the balls up enough enough to talk to some people who WAY stress me out and tell then I just can't go through this any more.

I've been trying to get up the balls to come out as FTM to the rest of My family and friends other than who already knows, but I just can't seem to do it. Being on T doesn't help either because subtle changes have already begun to happen (like abit more facial hair) and yet everytime I hear "she" or "her" or "girl" I wanna scream

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by katsarecool

Good for you!!!!! If you can't tell them about it how about writing a letter? And perhaps visiting them one by one on a day that is not a holiday is easier?

I have to deal with this every freaking year there is a family reunion. My stgep-father was negligent of his children; verbally abusive and sexually abusive to the we girls. So why they promote and dig the family reunion so much is beyond my comprehension. But I get a tight gut every time the topic comes up "Are you going to be at the family reunion this year? and we miss you?" It has been going on for about 12 years now and so far I have not gone pleading some excuse or another. If they missed me so much why not drive the seven hours up here? The reunion is always down there in central Florida for pete's sake.

Thanks for letting me rant and rave about my crazy co-dependent family!!!

my family has a reunion in the Summer and on Christmas eve. I HATE it....and I have carried it over to hate going to my G/Fs family stuff too. Its loud, there is screaming, lots fo sudden movement, controlling behavior and cameras flashing.

I like the letter idea, may work fine with my family. I wish my G/F felt OK telling her parents I am a freak, but she lies to them, so I feel like I need to take over and stop the lies and excuses all around.

I don't do family holidays. Last year I said I would go, then ctried all day and did nto go.....then was bathed in guilt for months to a really disfunctional and ridiculous degree.

I hope we can both get a better grip. Though my parents are dead, the abuse is still in my head.

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

my family has a reunion in the Summer and on Christmas eve. I HATE it....and I have carried it over to hate going to my G/Fs family stuff too. Its loud, there is screaming, lots fo sudden movement, controlling behavior and cameras flashing.

I like the letter idea, may work fine with my family. I wish my G/F felt OK telling her parents I am a freak, but she lies to them, so I feel like I need to take over and stop the lies and excuses all around.

I don't do family holidays. Last year I said I would go, then ctried all day and did nto go.....then was bathed in guilt for months to a really disfunctional and ridiculous degree.

I hope we can both get a better grip. Though my parents are dead, the abuse is still in my head.

I have an idea to get away from all this fuss of the holidays of being with your g/f's family: how about the two of you take a small vacation to a bed and breakfast so that there is NO hustle or bustle to speak of, just a new tradition? If you start looking now, you might find one for a Christmas special.

[Passionaria]

DHCC Treats Wounded Warriors with Accupuncture

[Jet]

It's been some time since I've been in. Hope you're all well. When I first began posting in here I thought I had been tackling my memories and trauma piece by piece, a little at a time. That isn't the case anymore. For the first time in 18 years, I'm seeing/reliving the ordeal as a whole. It has accounted for a complete change in my person, caused losses and affected every aspect of my life. And there's severe injury. I have questions about enduring more, healing if any, and who or what I'll become. I'm on meds, but I can tell you I don't have much of an interest in things and because there's so much shock in my system, that's been repressed for so long, I have that constant feeling of buckling or collapsing. The past couple of months have been spent releasing shock as easily as I can. I wish us all well.

[swagger]

Jet - well done and I wish you strength and love and compassion. I can relate to your process. Got my meds changed, am battling through that. It'll be ok.

[tuffboi29]

Hey all..

I have been rolling with flashbacks for..IDK..2 weeks now?

My EMDR therapy has been halted until I am in a better state of mind to handle it. Revelation after revelation have been battering away at me terribly.

I even ran into a friend that I've known since about fifth grade. I allowed myself to get a bit deep with her and admitted to the abusive relationship between my mother and myself. She looked at me and said the damned thing.

"Tuff..You have to remember that I was there and saw years of it. Why do you think I always dragged you to my house to spend the night? No matter how many times you said things were ok I was so scared for you."

Apparently I'm not as good at covering things up as I thought I was.

I'm doing much better at my new house. I have put enough distance between myself and my mother that she couldn't visit even if she had the address.

I hope everyone is doing..well..better than yesterday if yesterday sucked for you..and I wish everyone a good tomorrow.

Take care all..And remember..the worst part of this is the work it takes to get beyond it. There's always a reward for ones work. In our case the reward is peace. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.

[Nat]

Ugh.

Triggered on top of triggered 3 days out now. A guy in my group of friends has been pushing my buttons since I met him last fall. I made the mistake of trying to explain to him things like not wanting him to touch me, like not wanting him to make sexual comments about me or to me, like not wanting to hear how hot 15 year olds are to him. His response was to post a photo from a friend's wedding - a picture where he had put his arm around me and where I look obviously uncomfortable along with the comment "look at this woman being touched." I felt so violated I wanted to climb out of my skin, but I forced myself to go to my best friend's birthday party the next night, knowing he would be there. I go between total blank to crying to wanting to die and I can't seem to climb out. Oh, and then there's shame and embarrassment and the fact that some of the mutual friends now think I'm princessy and crazy (let's face it - I probably am). I am not a threat to myself - I want to be clear about that - but I am in an emotional hell right now and I hope to crawl out from under it soon.

[Nat]

Doing much better this morning. Not exactly tip-top but much much much better.That was possibly the biggest reaction I've had to something and I am pretty sure it's because I kept trying to force things to be okay when they just weren't.

Anyway, thanks to the few of you who offered me words of comfort. I know it might seem silly but it meant a lot. You get so far out on a ledge sometimes, it's so helpful to remember human warmth and kindness are there.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Nat

Ugh.

Triggered on top of triggered 3 days out now. A guy in my group of friends has been pushing my buttons since I met him last fall. I made the mistake of trying to explain to him things like not wanting him to touch me, like not wanting him to make sexual comments about me or to me, like not wanting to hear how hot 15 year olds are to him. His response was to post a photo from a friend's wedding - a picture where he had put his arm around me and where I look obviously uncomfortable along with the comment "look at this woman being touched." I felt so violated I wanted to climb out of my skin, but I forced myself to go to my best friend's birthday party the next night, knowing he would be there. I go between total blank to crying to wanting to die and I can't seem to climb out. Oh, and then there's shame and embarrassment and the fact that some of the mutual friends now think I'm princessy and crazy (let's face it - I probably am). I am not a threat to myself - I want to be clear about that - but I am in an emotional hell right now and I hope to crawl out from under it soon.

(((Nat)))

I certainly relate to ur situation here. Ya know sometimes you just have o be point blank with some people. It is not a reflection on you! It is definitely a flaw in the other individual that he is so disrespectful. I generally am diplomatic and kind when I relay some sensitive info. But, there is a time for an outright 'no holds barred'... get ur filthy hands off of me or I will have to scream it! (and I have!) It stopped!

NO ON HAS THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE YOU! Stand up to this jerk! I know you can!

Wrapping you ribbons of purple energy for strength and justice. Love you Nat