Love Is

[CharmingButch25]

Talking for hours on end

Loosing all track of time

First time i heard your voice was like talking to an angel

Both sittin waiting for the suprise of what the other had to say

I have something to tell you... I think i love you... Really? Was your responce... Yes i know i do.

Since that day we have spent many hours talking laughing crying being angry at each other ... Both knowing what the other thought ...

Sadly knowing it can never be. I wonder if she is online is my first thought.

I wish i was holding her was my last...

Your the only one i have truly wanted for you i would give them all up just to hold you ... Kiss you... Love you...

We both know the feelings are sincere we both know im not leaving and giving up like everyone else...

Unfortunatly we both know your too scared to take that step

Fear you dont know who you are or what you want... No need to be scared with me

I'll be here til the end...who would have imagined such a deep connection would have started from a simple instant message years have gone by...

I dont know if you will ever be mine the only thing i know is i love you and id give up anyone or anything to call you mine...

To fall asleep next to you holding you

[CharmingButch25]

Did you feel like a grown man when you snuck into the rooms of innocent children and took the only thing they had...Their childhood.

Did you feel like a grown man when you saw the fear and heard the pleas saying please stop your hurting me i wont be bad anymore.

Did you feel like a grown man when you saw a young child push their siblings against a wall and let you take them so you didnt take the younger ones

Did you feel like a grown man knowing you were punishing these innocent children for years to come

Did you feel like a grown man when no one would hug us or tell us they loves us because they didnt want us to feel like they would hurt us

Did you feel like a grown man knowing you seperated 3 of the closest kids ever when you did it to 2 of them and left the 3 alone?

Does it make you feel like a man knowing a child will never be the same thanks to you and your perverted ways?

Does it make you feel like a man knowing you got off with just 9 month jail time?

Will you still feel like a man when you have to answer to God why there are innocent children hurting because of what you did?

[CharmingButch25]

Abandonded
Isn't as cruel a word as abused
But it's enough, I think.
I know you wanted a boy, father;
You wanted to name me Junior
You really wanted Little League
Roughhousing and car mechanics
And that father-son talk at thirteen.
Instead you got a scardey-cat girl
Who you had to toss in the pool,
Who hid in her room, in trees,
In books,
Who cringed at the idea of violence,
Who had a hard time standing up for herself.
I don't think that's why you left
And why you stayed gone for eleven years;
I know you called sometimes,
But when mom would ask if I wanted to talk to you
It was me that said no.
I don't really believe you were ashamed of me,
But I did then,
Especially since I was angry and wanted very much
To be ashamed of you.
I was bitter about the "college fund," father;
About the endless lack of money,
About having to sneak around the house in the daytime,
About only seeing you when you decided to make an appearance,
About the pot in the hall closet
(I learned to fear police raids when I was in first grade),
About the broken promises.
You were so gone for such a long time
That when you finally left for real
It was almost a relief,
And I spent years trying to unremember
Anything good about you
So I wouldn't miss
What I couldn't have.
And one day, out of the blue,
You're coming to town, and it's convenient to visit.
Never mind that it's been half my life since the last time I saw you;
Never mind that I'm now an adult living on my own,
Now you want to play Daddy,
And I'm your little girl.
You don't get that, father.
Not after the bitterness,
Not after figuring out that the reason I had so many fucked-up relationships
Not after spending years getting a spine
And a sense of my own worth
And learning how not to be a shy little girl.
You certainly don't get to see my awkward teenage years;
You'll never know what it was like when I graduated from high
school,
When I started dating,
When I learned to drive,
When I left home to make my own way.
Too late, father.
You take me as I am
Or not at all.
And since you never bothered to find out who I am,
And you still don't show much interest,
I'll just assume that you don't want me after all.
And you know what?
I'm doing just fine without you.
I finally found a man who wouldn't leave;
I finally discovered what I'm good at;
I finally identified and am working to kill
That lingering fear of other people's fathers,
And the fear of not having a child by myself.
It would be so much easier and more understandable
To make up a story of abuse and neglect--
Though the neglect isn't that far off.
There's a father-sized hole in my life,
And it's been there for fifteen years,
So I've learned to build my life around it.
But when I have a child of my own
Don't expect to hear from me;
I'm not going to want you there.
You may not understand-you may never understand.
It's the price you've already paid for freedom and escape.
You'll always be my father,
But you'll never be my Dad again.
That's what I get
For being
Abandonded.