Identity, Authenticity - Do they conflict?

[Nightshade]

Wow. Interesting topic. I'm excited to read everyone's take on it.

For me, I am not my identity. How I id myself is my simplified, shortcut way of expressing a part of who I am to the listener. And to myself for that matter. I always have been authentically me and have spent a great deal of my life frustrated because I lacked words for who/what I am. How I feel. What's inside.

Being human, I am multifaceted and haven't got it all figured out yet (probably never will) so I know that parts of how I identify are subject to change. That isn't to say that everything is temporary, I just feel it's important to question beliefs with an open mind. As time goes on I learn more and more about myself and how I relate to the world around me and my identity gets refined. Or something that I've thought to be safe statement about me gets put through the fire and doesn't survive, so I know it wasn't truly a part of me.

I say MOST of it is subject to change because some things have remained true long enough for me to state as unequivocal fact. I'm turning 48 soon and I have always been happily, unwaveringly female. When I was a little girl, I used to hang out with tomboys (budding femme that I was) and wonder why anyone would want to act like or be a boy. It's not that I haven't questioned my gender, it's that I have and the answer has always been the same.

Tl;dr: I am not my identity, my identity is a simplified, partial explanation of me.

[Kobi]

To me, words and labels, because they are subject to individual interpretation, are barriers to authenticity.
What a word means to me and what a word means to someone else may not be the same thing.

As such, they might be useful in some arenas but they rarely define the authentic me.
Plus, they limit exploration, flexibility, and freedom of expression.

Example. I like to flirt. My flirting is not always based on labels.
It may well be based on some people are just fun to play with.
Therefore, I will not only flirt with femmes, but some butches and
males and heteros as well. Doesnt mean I want to sleep with them
but light hearted banter can be very amusing, liberating, and just
plain feels good sometimes.

When I first came out, a few decades back, using labels was important in helping
to form and solidify my sense of self. Now, I find it too confining.

For me, the most authentic thing I can say about me is...
I am who and what I am. How that may manifest itself from
moment to moment and day to day is up for grabs. There is
no final, absolute product. It is a continually evolving process
which defies words.

[Corkey]

I am authentically me, always. Labels are for clothes and cars, but they do help convey to others how we as individuals see ourselves, and labels help others relate, (or not) to us.

Who I am, the being that inhabits this skin is a spiritual one that relates to people based on how they relate to me. I take people at face value, for instance, if you tell me you are femme that is how I will relate to you, FTM fine no problem, butch, again not an issue. Where I find trouble is when another human wants to put me into their neat little box against my wishes. Nope not going to happen and I will fight tooth and nail against their perceived notion of who I am.

Good topic Nat.

[Mister Bent]

Excellent thread topic, thank you for starting this discussion, Nat.

I need to think on this a bit further, but I did have an immediate thought in response to the following:

"Do you feel the identity or identities you carry are barriers to authenticity or do you think of them as means of expressing your authenticity?"

It seems for me that the shedding of the desire to name/label myself has run a parallel course with an increased feeling of personal authenticity. In the last 5 years, identity labels have begun to feel increasingly restrictive to me, and more a source of division than cohesion.

[JustLovelyJenn]

This subject interests me a lot. It is also one I have done a great deal of research on, and a great deal of thinking.

I am lucky enough to be part of a group that presents a LGTB sensitivity Safe Space training at a local community college. Years ago when I was a student there I was privileged to help develop this training for the campus and have continued to be asked to present with the group 3 times a year. One of the topics we touch on is LGTB Identity Development, looking at research done by Alfred Kinsey, Fritz Klein, and Vivianne Cass. As well as looking at a non LGTB Identity development model by Hardiman and Jackson.

With all of that said... Its given me a very different view of Identity and Labels then I had when I first started coming out.

Identity labels are a social construct, not limited to any one person or groups of people. Each person in any given society is subject to the need to identify themselves with those around them, or in some cases, make the decision that they do NOT identify with the "norm" and decide what it is they do identify with.

These societal views of identity can serve to both unite and divide a community. Just like the fact that I identify as a queer lesbian alienates me from my religious family, it also gives me common ground within the Butch Femme community.

The biggest thing that came to my mind with this thread, as I read through the original post, and the responses to follow is the idea of Multiple dimensions of Identity. The idea that around ones core self orbits all of the Identity labels that we choose to use. In this case, for myself, I may include Mother, Musician, Daughter, Teacher, Lesbian, Queer, Person with Anxiety, Sister, Caucasian... among others. Each of these pieces of my identity move continually around my Core (authentic) self, contributing to it, but not changing it. Depending on the situation that I am in I may choose to keep some of these Identities at the back, guarded and unseen. As a Teacher I may feel comfortable showing that I am also a mother, but find it unnecessary and maybe even scary to reveal that I am Queer. For me this does not lessen the importance of any part of myself. By seeing this way, I have been able to develop many different aspects of myself with very little inner turmoil. I have embraced my many identities and used them to enhance my authentic, or core, self.

[julieisafemme]

Excellent thread!

At Butch Voices LA we had this same discussion in a workshop on feminism. One woman made the point that labels are what people apply to you and identity is how you see yourself. She said that the two are conflated sometimes and that is not good for people. She said that she wants to have an identity before someone applies a label to her. This is bad paraphrasing but that was the gist.

I feel the opposite of some here in that the more I have learned about myself the more I have been able to define myself with language. The words are powerful to me! I am a Jew, queer, a femme, neurodiverse. These are all words that I chose to define myself and they are hard won and precious to me.

I am more authentic now than in any other time in my life because I can define myself to myself and others. Maybe I have chosen the right words now instead of hiding behind the identity I had constructed for myself before.