Were you adopted in a closed adoption?

[christie]

Originally Posted by Bit

See, I think the thing here is not that this is an adopted family, but that it's a dysfunctional family, still reeling from past abuse and still emotionally abusive today. That's not healthy whether you're adopted or not.

You don't have any obligation to them, you know, any more than I have any obligation to my own family. Adopted family or birth family, when they're this abusive, all bets are off.

You do not have any obligation to force yourself to do anything, Jen. You're an adult without minor children, therefore your overriding obligation is to do what is healthy for you and your next obligation is to do what is healthy for your partner; after that, you are obligated to do what is best for your furbabies.

The rest of the people in your life? They're not obligations, sugar. They're there because you choose them--nothing more. You are free to un-choose them if they're bad for you, and you're certainly free to turn down invitations to events that are bad for you.

Please, hon, stop beating yourself up for being healthy, k?

Bravo!!! I couldn't have said it better!

Jen - read this again... it makes SO much sense... especially the part I bolded.

I will pvt you my cell # - next time we're in town and you need a gentle reminder that there is nothing wrong with choosing to not be subject to family BS, you call me and we'll do some Opry Mills retail therapy (wait, I did that on Christmas Eve! - Hell, we'll do it again!)