Sarcasm, Scathing Witticisms & Uninspiring Quotes

evolveme · 01-02-2010, 01:10 PM

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

(the earlier "child of five" comment was Groucho Marx)

evolveme · 01-02-2010, 01:12 PM

“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

“Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.”

“Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

- Mark Twain

evolveme · 01-02-2010, 01:23 PM

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” - Winston Churchill

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” - Ernest Hemingway

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - Irvin S. Cobb

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

“He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

Bob · 01-02-2010, 01:26 PM

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

Hudson · 01-02-2010, 01:30 PM

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more." - Justin's dad (shitmydadsays)

evolveme · 01-02-2010, 01:33 PM

“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”

- Oscar Levant

Hudson · 01-02-2010, 02:03 PM

"Shopping is HARD, and you're to blame...!" (as misheard and sung by my 4 year old cousin Jake, to the tune of Bon Jovi)

purepisces · 01-19-2010, 09:39 AM

I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman

Diva · 01-02-2010, 07:21 PM

Sarcasm is the weed that spoils our gardens. ~Jeff Bridges

If I asked you to talk, I didn't mean to. ~ Glenda Casey

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 09:59 AM

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 10:08 AM

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Oops, you dropped your personality.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance?

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 10:58 AM

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. (My personal favorite)

Now ye may let the verbal beat downs fly with glorious flair, thou weed ridden urchin-snouted maggot-pie!

"No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would've said, 'Oh, hey, Ray Liotta, is Olivia home?' You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." --Stewie Griffin

01-02-2010, 01:10 PM	#1
evolveme Member How Do You Identify?: honeysuckle venom Preferred Pronoun?: a pistol and a sugar cane Relationship Status: I promise to aid and abet Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in between poems where ceilings are floors and joe ghost floats achromatic toward day Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 229 Thanked 735 Times in 228 Posts Rep Power: 503698	“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain (the earlier "child of five" comment was Groucho Marx) __________________ Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside. - Dorothy Allison

01-02-2010, 01:12 PM	#2
evolveme Member How Do You Identify?: honeysuckle venom Preferred Pronoun?: a pistol and a sugar cane Relationship Status: I promise to aid and abet Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in between poems where ceilings are floors and joe ghost floats achromatic toward day Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 229 Thanked 735 Times in 228 Posts Rep Power: 503698	“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.” “Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.” “Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.” “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” - Mark Twain __________________ Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside. - Dorothy Allison

01-02-2010, 01:23 PM	#3
evolveme Member How Do You Identify?: honeysuckle venom Preferred Pronoun?: a pistol and a sugar cane Relationship Status: I promise to aid and abet Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in between poems where ceilings are floors and joe ghost floats achromatic toward day Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 229 Thanked 735 Times in 228 Posts Rep Power: 503698	“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” - Winston Churchill “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” - Ernest Hemingway “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - Irvin S. Cobb “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker “He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder __________________ Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside. - Dorothy Allison

01-02-2010, 01:26 PM	#4
Bob Member How Do You Identify?: Jackass. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In your mom. Posts: 144 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15 Thanked 288 Times in 92 Posts Rep Power: 29242	Winston Churchill - Sultan of Scathing Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk. Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober. Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it. The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

01-02-2010, 01:33 PM	#6
evolveme Member How Do You Identify?: honeysuckle venom Preferred Pronoun?: a pistol and a sugar cane Relationship Status: I promise to aid and abet Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in between poems where ceilings are floors and joe ghost floats achromatic toward day Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 229 Thanked 735 Times in 228 Posts Rep Power: 503698	“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.” - Oscar Levant __________________ Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside. - Dorothy Allison

01-02-2010, 01:30 PM	#5
Hudson Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Truth is stranger than fiction. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta, Georgia Posts: 434 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 160 Thanked 574 Times in 210 Posts Rep Power: 365377	"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more." - Justin's dad (shitmydadsays)

01-02-2010, 02:03 PM	#7
Hudson Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Truth is stranger than fiction. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta, Georgia Posts: 434 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 160 Thanked 574 Times in 210 Posts Rep Power: 365377	"Shopping is HARD, and you're to blame...!" (as misheard and sung by my 4 year old cousin Jake, to the tune of Bon Jovi)

01-19-2010, 09:39 AM	#8
purepisces Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Just a girl in love with the world Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Right here, right now Posts: 604 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,477 Thanked 1,607 Times in 491 Posts Rep Power: 9710905	I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman __________________ Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

01-02-2010, 07:21 PM	#9
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	Sarcasm is the weed that spoils our gardens. ~Jeff Bridges If I asked you to talk, I didn't mean to. ~ Glenda Casey

01-19-2010, 09:59 AM	#10
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,419 Times in 2,976 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde __________________

01-19-2010, 10:08 AM	#11
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,419 Times in 2,976 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Oops, you dropped your personality. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege. Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance? You're proof that evolution can go in reverse. __________________

01-19-2010, 10:58 AM	#12
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,419 Times in 2,976 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. (My personal favorite) Now ye may let the verbal beat downs fly with glorious flair, thou weed ridden urchin-snouted maggot-pie! "No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would've said, 'Oh, hey, Ray Liotta, is Olivia home?' You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." --Stewie Griffin __________________

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