"This is my truth"

[DomnNC]

A friend and I had this discussion tonight sitting outside a coffee shop. She said something that was really quite simple regarding "this is my truth". She used the color of the brick in the building. She said sitting here I can look at that brick and I will say it contains shades of red, black, brown and tan, that is what I can see, that is my truth as I see it. She said you may not see the tan as tan but a color called cream or some other shade because that is what you were taught, that would be your truth as you "see it". She said now Joe over there is color blind and doesn't see shades of red at all, so he would say that brick is probably gray, black, brown, and whatever color he may see other than red and that is his truth as he knows it. No matter how hard you and I try we will never get Joe to see that red color, ever, because medically he cannot see it. So who's truth is wrong in this example? I had to say no one's truth was wrong.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by 1PlayfulFemme

*Smiling* Having used this phrase, when I say it, I truly mean that it's a truth in my life, in my personal situation...and something I have learned that applies to me. It's stronger than a belief to me..it's a truth...but, when I say it, I accept that the emphasis for me is on the word "My". I'm not asking anyone to accept it for their own or to break it down so that it makes sense to them.

To me, it's the difference between saying "I want pizza for dinner" (I.E. Open to discussion, suggestions still..."I believe") and "I'm having pizza for dinner (I.E. NOT open for discussion or suggestions...YOU may have whatever you want...but, I'm having pizza! "My truth")

I don't know if that helped or hindered, but when I say it, that's what I mean. Also. When I say it, it's usually something that came from a lesson (Or more likely a series of them) that is prevalent only to me.

And when I say it, I do tend to be saying, I'm not judging or asking for judgement (tho I usually understand some may come) but your opinion won't change it for me. If I use the phrase, it's about a personal truth, growth, experience...and not a thing to do with true logistics about the world around us. I would never say "It's my truth" to refer to the moon affecting gravity...that's everyones truth...the difference between a truth and a fact I suppose.

What's true for me may not be (and usually isn't..thus versatility) true for you. By saying "it's my truth" I am saying, I get that your ideas may be very different, but this is my reality.

The last example I can think of (before I bore you to tears) is that part of "my truth" is the fact that I am a lesbian...therefore the politics surrounding gay marriage/civil unions is huge to me. I know straight people who can claim that truth, and I know gay people who don't want to claim that truth. To each their own, but it's part of my truth, my life...my essence. I hope that all made sense..somewhere in my rambling!!!!

Beautifully said.

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I don't know...I still think it is such an awkward phrase. Does anyone else think this? Maybe b/c I never heard it IRL (in real life)? I have never actually heard someone say the phrase, just read it.

In thinking more about it...it feels almost "uncomfortable" (can't think of a better word at this point). Like, it feels off putting. It feels like the person is saying, "step back", or "case closed". Or almost like you insulted the person. Yes...that is what it is...I think that a lot of the times I have seen it used, it has been in response to something that insulted the person and/or it was almost used in a way to shame the person for having "questioned" them.

However, by the same token, I have seen it used in just a random post where there has not been any engagement at all and the person is just using it as an exclamation point, of sorts.

I don't know...the phrase has just always disturbed me.

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ETA: OR maybe it seems like the person is saying "this is my opinion, so you can't argue it", instead of just the "this is what I believe in my soul" definition I used earlier.

I dunno. Others thoughts?

P.S. I have never felt there being a "judgment" attached to it. Meaning, when the person uses the phrase, I do not see them as speaking to the other person's thoughts on the specific topic. I see them as only speaking to their own thinking on the subject. Does this make sense? I am not sure why I am having such a hard time flushing my thoughts out on this.

There is often judgement, I think, but it's usually from the listener. Why on Earth should I have to rephrase something that is not prejudiced...not hateful...not hurtful to anyone because it doesn't 'feel right' or 'sound right' to someone else? That's like telling me not to call myself Queer because Aunt Sally is 'uncomfortable' with the term.



I am NOT okay with that. Even though I don't use the phrase often, there's a part of me that wants to say it a LOT now.

I know your inquisitive nature, Dapper, so I know you don't feel judgement coming from yourself, but it sure sounds like it in text. I do want to say that I do understand that you tend to think 'out loud' on the threads and I do know that you're not in a Judgy McJudgerson frame of mind right now, but as we all know, it's hard to 'hear' folks when all we have are colored words on a white background to go by.

As some have mentioned the emphasis is not on the 'truth' but on the 'me' or 'my'. To me....ME...when someone questions something I've said is 'my truth' or is 'true to me', it feels as if they are questioning ME, whether it's because they don't like the phrase or if they don't understand it, etc. When someone speaks up and says...in one way or another...this is about ME...that is a very personal thing for them. It's a part of them. I always try to keep that in mind, especially if my truth or my reality as I see it does not coincide with theirs.

Originally Posted by JustJo

I use this phrase, and I come more from where Playful does...

If I believe something. then I think it works or is that way...can't prove it, just pretty much think that's true. I believe that it's better to be kind than cruel (unless the cruelty is a consensual thing )

If I say "my truth" then I'm not saying it's the truth for everyone...but it is for me. And it's something that goes way beyond belief or thinking or a feeling...it's my truth.

My truth is that, as a diabetic, I cannot eat and behave like non-diabetics do...or I'll probably go blind. Not true for all diabetics (because scientifically speaking there's a huge range in what diabetics can and can't do)...but it is true for me.

My truth is that I must work and be independent to a certain degree. I'm not saying it's better. I'm not saying it's "right." I'm not saying it applies to everyone. I also know that it's more than an "I belive" or an "I think"....it's a visceral thing. When I am dependent and vulnerable I panic and lash out and generally fall apart. I anticipate the worst and, if it doesn't happen, I live in constant anxiety that it will. That's my truth.

For me, when I say "my truth" the emphasis is on my, not on truth...and it applies only to me.

Yeppers.

Originally Posted by DapperButch

It is kind of wild that one phrase can have such dramatically different interpretations, isn't it?

Isn't this kind of unusual?

Darn, if I was one who used this term I think I'd stop using it or clarify it (at least in the written word where you have no body language, facial expressions, inflections in speech, etc.), because people would have such different interpretations as to what I was saying!

Wild, maybe. Unusual, not a chance. Ask ten people what Stone means to them. Or Queer. Or just about anything. You'll get ten completely different answers. That's the blessing and the curse of this medium. Soooo many people, with different lives, experiences, truths, beliefs, judgements, etc coming together to discuss specific topics.

I'm raising an eyebrow at you because you said, again, that those who use this harmless phrase should stop because it might make things more difficult for other people or be uncomfortable for others.

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

Great question. I say all.the.time that I am "living my truth", (yes, in RL, and no, I don't own any pearls, lol) and that others should be allowed to live theirs. What I mean specifically by that, is that I feel we each have the right, and the power to decide what is true for us, how we choose to live and be. No one else has the right to tell me how to live my life, nor do I have the right to tell them how to live theirs. It isn't really about what I believe so to speak.. just what *I* decide is right and wrong for me as an individual.

I remember you saying this a couple of times and then thinking that it's an outstanding phrase. To thine own self be true, but with less thines and thees.

Originally Posted by DomnNC

A friend and I had this discussion tonight sitting outside a coffee shop. She said something that was really quite simple regarding "this is my truth". She used the color of the brick in the building. She said sitting here I can look at that brick and I will say it contains shades of red, black, brown and tan, that is what I can see, that is my truth as I see it. She said you may not see the tan as tan but a color called cream or some other shade because that is what you were taught, that would be your truth as you "see it". She said now Joe over there is color blind and doesn't see shades of red at all, so he would say that brick is probably gray, black, brown, and whatever color he may see other than red and that is his truth as he knows it. No matter how hard you and I try we will never get Joe to see that red color, ever, because medically he cannot see it. So who's truth is wrong in this example? I had to say no one's truth was wrong.

Exactly.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Wild, maybe. Unusual, not a chance. Ask ten people what Stone means to them. Or Queer. Or just about anything. You'll get ten completely different answers. That's the blessing and the curse of this medium. Soooo many people, with different lives, experiences, truths, beliefs, judgements, etc coming together to discuss specific topics.

I'm raising an eyebrow at you because you said, again, that those who use this harmless phrase should stop because it might make things more difficult for other people or be uncomfortable for others.

Absolutely.

How many definitions of femme have we heard on this site? Or butch? And those terms are even applicable enough to the whole assortment of us that they're in the name of the site.

But we all do them differently. And I doubt any of us would say we shouldn't be using those terms.

For me, the phrase isn't hurting anyone...doesn't put anyone else down...doesn't imply "less than" or "better than"...isn't telling anyone else what to do...it's a matter of claiming self, just as we all do with a whole variety of phrases and terms.

Heck...Bete's even got Scoote claiming "fat"...and I thought that would never happen.

[SelfMadeMan]

I remember you saying this a couple of times and then thinking that it's an outstanding phrase. To thine own self be true, but with less thines and thees.

LOL Gemme - I have those very words, thine included, tattooed across my chest... lookie ;-)

[Andrew, Jr.]

This is my truth - I am me. Nobody can walk in my shoes. Nor would I ever ask them too. I live as Andrew. I have a dog, Dino, who is sickly as I am. I also have 3 cats. I have squirrels, Hank and Honey. They have 2 kids, Henry and Henrietta. I feed them every day. I feed the birds every day. It is just how I am. It brings me joy to have a woodpecker come to the window and look inside to see if I have my coffee yet because Hank has eaten all the peanuts, and he needs his handfull.

Rejection, harsh criticism, and judgement has been my childhood background. I know now that my father has company with other people who are just mean and nasty. It is the way of the world. That is why I am so very guarded now as an adult. For example, look at road rage. I never thought I would see drivers crossing a double yellow line to pass drivers in front of them for whatever reason. Another example, look at our court system. Pedifiles, drunk drivers, drive by shooters who kill others get out of a jail term or lost in the system for whatever reason. They seem to walk away scott free. And there is little to no remorse. I just don't get that at all. Never will.

My truth lies in my faith and spirituality. I believe in trying to always turn the other cheek. To be a forgiving man. To be open to others. It has taken me years to get to this point, but now that I am here I am free-er than I ever imagined to be.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Beautifully said.



There is often judgement, I think, but it's usually from the listener. Why on Earth should I have to rephrase something that is not prejudiced...not hateful...not hurtful to anyone because it doesn't 'feel right' or 'sound right' to someone else? That's like telling me not to call myself Queer because Aunt Sally is 'uncomfortable' with the term.



I am NOT okay with that. Even though I don't use the phrase often, there's a part of me that wants to say it a LOT now.

I know your inquisitive nature, Dapper, so I know you don't feel judgement coming from yourself, but it sure sounds like it in text. I do want to say that I do understand that you tend to think 'out loud' on the threads and I do know that you're not in a Judgy McJudgerson frame of mind right now, but as we all know, it's hard to 'hear' folks when all we have are colored words on a white background to go by.

As some have mentioned the emphasis is not on the 'truth' but on the 'me' or 'my'. To me....ME...when someone questions something I've said is 'my truth' or is 'true to me', it feels as if they are questioning ME, whether it's because they don't like the phrase or if they don't understand it, etc. When someone speaks up and says...in one way or another...this is about ME...that is a very personal thing for them. It's a part of them. I always try to keep that in mind, especially if my truth or my reality as I see it does not coincide with theirs.



Yeppers.



Wild, maybe. Unusual, not a chance. Ask ten people what Stone means to them. Or Queer. Or just about anything. You'll get ten completely different answers. That's the blessing and the curse of this medium. Soooo many people, with different lives, experiences, truths, beliefs, judgements, etc coming together to discuss specific topics.

I'm raising an eyebrow at you because you said, again, that those who use this harmless phrase should stop because it might make things more difficult for other people or be uncomfortable for others.



I remember you saying this a couple of times and then thinking that it's an outstanding phrase. To thine own self be true, but with less thines and thees.



Exactly.

Hi, Gemme. I wasn't aware as to how this sounded. I am glad that you know that it was just a "talking out loud, wondering", kind of thing.

No, I don't actually mean that I think that people should stop using the term. I have no investment in that, at all.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify and giving me the benefit of the doubt.

[Mister Bent]