Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by Blade

Oh no they are seemingly more high femme, frilly lacey types. Which I love also but the ones I've been with seem to be afraid of getting their fingernails dirty or God forbid broken. LOL I think a woman can be just a sexy and feminine in a pair of jeans and boots with horse crap on them as she can be in fishnets and high heels. And I'd actually be more attracted to a femme if I saw her in jeans and boots for the first time I saw a pic of her than in fishnets and high heels. urrr ummm I think I would

I don't know if it is energy driven or what drives it but it drives me crazy LOL

Thanks for providing more detail! It sounds like it is about how she carries herself, maybe her energy. I have the same kinds of feelings...just on the more masculine side

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

I tend to believe that the eyes tell us what to love .. but the heart tells us who to love. (If that makes sense).

Coming from someone who has had relationships "all over the map" to exclusively b/f relationships, and is currently in a long term relationship with someone who does not identify as butch (or femme for that matter) - I think it really all comes down to how a person flips that switch for you.

She would often ask me what attracted me to Her, since She knew I was primarily attracted to butches - but She was someone I could not resist. She pulled on my heartstrings, and I fell in love. She made it go boom. Something I had no control over.

I never really factored in physical appearance as a pre-requisite - HOWEVER - there have been very few instances in my life where I have dated femmes. (It really depended on how strongly I felt about them).

Sometimes, you think you know what you want - but your heart knows best.

I don't think it's shallow if you know what attracts you. But I do also have a tendency to believe in keeping an open mind and listening from "within". But, that's just me.

Love, to me, is just that unconditional.

Thanks for sharing! I definitely agree...in terms of your heart pulling you in a certain direction. But if you meet someone for the first time and on the initial appearance, the person is not your traditional "type" (if you have one), do you think you might still have some kind of initial attraction? If it is really about the person inside, how would you know from a 15 min conversation? I guess maybe I have not experienced that so I don't know? Curiosity

Originally Posted by Words

I agree that this applies to long-term attraction, but initial attraction?

Nope, definitely not the heart.

Words

See, I think this is part of what I am trying to figure out...

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Ok that's hard (lol). But since we're just talking appearance for me it's as simple as the traditional feminine characteristics. Not necessarily clothes... it's more a natural thing, the hips... defined brows... fuller lips... eyes... maybe hair.

Sometimes all of the above but even one can often be powerful enough to paint the whole picture.

I'd say other than that, clothes or styles aren't as important as I do have a very eclectic taste in that area so I'm attracted to many different personal styles from tough to soft or retro to geeky etc.

Hope that answers your question *s*

Metro

Thanks Met, yes...it is helpful

[UofMfan]

Attraction, to me has to be on all levels, but let’s be honest, initial attraction is almost exclusively physical. This may seem shallow, but it is a reality. For me though, physical attraction is not enough to keep me interested. I need more than a pretty face, otherwise I get bored quickly.

As far as physical attraction, a few years back I came to the realization that I am not willing to compromise. A femme complements my butch, the yin and the yang, etc… I need this dichotomy to be happy in the long run.

Mental attraction is to me the most important, let’s face it, if you can’t keep my mind interested I don’t care how beautiful you are, eventually it will get old for me. I need to be mentally stimulated; I need a complex individual who keeps me on my toes.

Emotional attraction I think develops with the relationship, once and if one is established.

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

[Lady Jewel]

For me, its ALL the about the "energy" between myself and the person. Looks dont play into that for me. On many levels. I know this answer sounds simple. But for me it is. How does does the energy interaction feel to me. How does it make me feel emotionally, physically (meaning how does my body react to them), mentally and otherwise.

Warmly,
Jewel

[FeminineAllure]

It is way past my bedtime so...I was sitting here thinking, what do blind people do with no visual stimulation? They have use of touch, smell, taste, hearing all available to them. I wonder what initially attracts them to a person? Also, what if your *new* lover you are dating was diagnosed with some illness that may affects their looks?Would you stick around?
I know it is a bit off the topic but I am just curious.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

Damn that's what up! No wonder!

I need to be physically attracted but its more about chemistry, a connect and our interest need to be compatible. I prefer someone taller then I and stronger. I don't really have a look per se but masculine is a much and someone well groomed.

A person's character is important to me. They have to be a good person, honest, sincere and compassionate. Strong family values are very important to me.

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

Attraction, to me has to be on all levels, but let’s be honest, initial attraction is almost exclusively physical. This may seem shallow, but it is a reality. For me though, physical attraction is not enough to keep me interested. I need more than a pretty face, otherwise I get bored quickly.

As far as physical attraction, a few years back I came to the realization that I am not willing to compromise. A femme complements my butch, the yin and the yang, etc… I need this dichotomy to be happy in the long run.

Mental attraction is to me the most important, let’s face it, if you can’t keep my mind interested I don’t care how beautiful you are, eventually it will get old for me. I need to be mentally stimulated; I need a complex individual who keeps me on my toes.

Emotional attraction I think develops with the relationship, once and if one is established.

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

I agree...if I did not have an emotional connection or be able to hold a decent intelligent conversation, whatever physical attraction I had would be out the window.

Originally Posted by Lady Jewel

For me, its ALL the about the "energy" between myself and the person. Looks dont play into that for me. On many levels. I know this answer sounds simple. But for me it is. How does does the energy interaction feel to me. How does it make me feel emotionally, physically (meaning how does my body react to them), mentally and otherwise.

Warmly,
Jewel

Originally Posted by Sachita

Damn that's what up! No wonder!

I need to be physically attracted but its more about chemistry, a connect and our interest need to be compatible. I prefer someone taller then I and stronger. I don't really have a look per se but masculine is a much and someone well groomed.

A person's character is important to me. They have to be a good person, honest, sincere and compassionate. Strong family values are very important to me.

I get the chemistry thing...totally. But how much chemistry is there when you first meet someone?
So imagine yourself at a social event where there are a mixture of b/f folks. If a feminine appearing person/femme (or the opposite of how you identify) struck up a conversation with you, would you have any physical reaction/attraction to them intially? Or is there a certain type of person whom you might pick out of a crowd as attractive?

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

I agree...if I did not have an emotional connection or be able to hold a decent intelligent conversation, whatever physical attraction I had would be out the window.





I get the chemistry thing...totally. But how much chemistry is there when you first meet someone?
So imagine yourself at a social event where there are a mixture of b/f folks. If a feminine appearing person/femme (or the opposite of how you identify) struck up a conversation with you, would you have any physical reaction/attraction to them intially? Or is there a certain type of person whom you might pick out of a crowd as attractive?

Chemistry doesn't always happen for me instantly. Not at all. I have to be attracted and then the interaction and knowing who they are starts to brew chemistry for me. Sometimes it takes a while, even months as it starts to deepen.

I've seen butches and thought "damn, he's hot" but its just not enough to spark something inside. As I get older there are so many other things that set it a flame.

[Corkey]

Fo me it is Her intelligence, Her kindness towards others, Her smile, Her eyes.
The qualities I look for, and found. I have to be attracted to Her brain first. Yes, physically appealing is a turn on, but if one can't turn my mind on, you sure can't turn my heart on. I'm blessed that She turned my mind on then my heart, there is no other for me, totally hooked, now and forever, Hers.

[always2late]

I wonder why it is so hard for most people to admit that, when it comes to dating and initial attraction, we are all prejudiced to some extent. (that's right, I said the P word). And really, isn't that what attraction is all about? I don't mean prejudice in a bad way...I mean it in the actual definition of the word. We prejudge, and to some extent, discriminate, based upon what particular features or mannerisms we find attractive. And there is nothing wrong with that. Everything else in a relationship can grow...love, trust, friendship...but that intial attraction, that click, that moment of frission...has GOT to be there. Its not something one can learn, or fake. Its either there or its not.

I like to describe myself as a woman who gets her nails done, but who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty . But a femme is what I am, whether it be dressed in a skirt and heels on a night out...or dressed in my rattiest, oldest sweatshirt while painting the shed. Its something innate in me, and I couldn't change it if I tried (nor do I want to). I find that in all my relationships the defining factor is this...I am attracted to masculinity. I don't care how my partner identifies, to me its all about their manner, their personality, their particular way of walking in this world. It has nothing to do with how they look, it has to do with who they are inside their skin. Could I be attracted to a feminine woman? Nope. And that doesn't mean I think less of femininity, it just means that it does nothing for me.

Just my two cents.

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

Thanks for sharing! I definitely agree...in terms of your heart pulling you in a certain direction. But if you meet someone for the first time and on the initial appearance, the person is not your traditional "type" (if you have one), do you think you might still have some kind of initial attraction? If it is really about the person inside, how would you know from a 15 min conversation? I guess maybe I have not experienced that so I don't know? Curiosity

It took me THIS long to answer this question .... (not really, I actually just saw it)

In my case, I don't have a "traditional" type. Maybe that in itself makes a difference. Would I have an initial attraction? Probably. But that's because again, I don't always look at just the "packaging." The way the person presents themselves, their personality, their sense of humor, commonalities - all play in that factor. I'm all about getting to know the person (with the hopes that the person I am trying to know tells the truth, but that's another thread issue altogether) - and that takes more than 15 minutes.

In the past, anything I involved myself in based on purely physical attraction was basically a disaster in the making.