Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

Damn that's what up! No wonder!

I need to be physically attracted but its more about chemistry, a connect and our interest need to be compatible. I prefer someone taller then I and stronger. I don't really have a look per se but masculine is a much and someone well groomed.

A person's character is important to me. They have to be a good person, honest, sincere and compassionate. Strong family values are very important to me.

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

Attraction, to me has to be on all levels, but let’s be honest, initial attraction is almost exclusively physical. This may seem shallow, but it is a reality. For me though, physical attraction is not enough to keep me interested. I need more than a pretty face, otherwise I get bored quickly.

As far as physical attraction, a few years back I came to the realization that I am not willing to compromise. A femme complements my butch, the yin and the yang, etc… I need this dichotomy to be happy in the long run.

Mental attraction is to me the most important, let’s face it, if you can’t keep my mind interested I don’t care how beautiful you are, eventually it will get old for me. I need to be mentally stimulated; I need a complex individual who keeps me on my toes.

Emotional attraction I think develops with the relationship, once and if one is established.

I have more to say but Mercury being retrograde has limited my ability to be articulate…

I agree...if I did not have an emotional connection or be able to hold a decent intelligent conversation, whatever physical attraction I had would be out the window.

Originally Posted by Lady Jewel

For me, its ALL the about the "energy" between myself and the person. Looks dont play into that for me. On many levels. I know this answer sounds simple. But for me it is. How does does the energy interaction feel to me. How does it make me feel emotionally, physically (meaning how does my body react to them), mentally and otherwise.

Warmly,
Jewel

Originally Posted by Sachita

Damn that's what up! No wonder!

I need to be physically attracted but its more about chemistry, a connect and our interest need to be compatible. I prefer someone taller then I and stronger. I don't really have a look per se but masculine is a much and someone well groomed.

A person's character is important to me. They have to be a good person, honest, sincere and compassionate. Strong family values are very important to me.

I get the chemistry thing...totally. But how much chemistry is there when you first meet someone?
So imagine yourself at a social event where there are a mixture of b/f folks. If a feminine appearing person/femme (or the opposite of how you identify) struck up a conversation with you, would you have any physical reaction/attraction to them intially? Or is there a certain type of person whom you might pick out of a crowd as attractive?

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

I agree...if I did not have an emotional connection or be able to hold a decent intelligent conversation, whatever physical attraction I had would be out the window.





I get the chemistry thing...totally. But how much chemistry is there when you first meet someone?
So imagine yourself at a social event where there are a mixture of b/f folks. If a feminine appearing person/femme (or the opposite of how you identify) struck up a conversation with you, would you have any physical reaction/attraction to them intially? Or is there a certain type of person whom you might pick out of a crowd as attractive?

Chemistry doesn't always happen for me instantly. Not at all. I have to be attracted and then the interaction and knowing who they are starts to brew chemistry for me. Sometimes it takes a while, even months as it starts to deepen.

I've seen butches and thought "damn, he's hot" but its just not enough to spark something inside. As I get older there are so many other things that set it a flame.

[Corkey]

Fo me it is Her intelligence, Her kindness towards others, Her smile, Her eyes.
The qualities I look for, and found. I have to be attracted to Her brain first. Yes, physically appealing is a turn on, but if one can't turn my mind on, you sure can't turn my heart on. I'm blessed that She turned my mind on then my heart, there is no other for me, totally hooked, now and forever, Hers.

[always2late]

I wonder why it is so hard for most people to admit that, when it comes to dating and initial attraction, we are all prejudiced to some extent. (that's right, I said the P word). And really, isn't that what attraction is all about? I don't mean prejudice in a bad way...I mean it in the actual definition of the word. We prejudge, and to some extent, discriminate, based upon what particular features or mannerisms we find attractive. And there is nothing wrong with that. Everything else in a relationship can grow...love, trust, friendship...but that intial attraction, that click, that moment of frission...has GOT to be there. Its not something one can learn, or fake. Its either there or its not.

I like to describe myself as a woman who gets her nails done, but who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty . But a femme is what I am, whether it be dressed in a skirt and heels on a night out...or dressed in my rattiest, oldest sweatshirt while painting the shed. Its something innate in me, and I couldn't change it if I tried (nor do I want to). I find that in all my relationships the defining factor is this...I am attracted to masculinity. I don't care how my partner identifies, to me its all about their manner, their personality, their particular way of walking in this world. It has nothing to do with how they look, it has to do with who they are inside their skin. Could I be attracted to a feminine woman? Nope. And that doesn't mean I think less of femininity, it just means that it does nothing for me.

Just my two cents.

[FeminineAllure]

For me attraction begins with a deep stirring inside of me on one or all levels. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Physically, I have been attracted to many different types even another femme or two. I prefer average to larger builds. Long or short hair. Casual/preppy, the rebel with tattoos and piercings, in uniforms...out of uniforms lol. I have a thing for black boots. A penchant for Daddies and Syrs. A huge one for me is she must be a female identified butch one reason being because I like to touch and love them everywhere. I am physically attracted to someone who is comfortable in their female body. The more masculine their energy the better.
Mentally, I like to be stimulated and learn things from someone or I become bored quickly. I do not need someone from Mensa just be passionate about something, literate, creative, open minded.
Emotionally, I need someone who is compassionate, empathetic, stable, considerate, capable, and consistant. We all have some baggage but I can not be drained by low energy, negative individuals.
Spiritually, I am not a religious person but I am a spiritual one. If you don't believe in something...You may fall for anything. Spiritual bonds are usually between soulmates. They can finish eachothers sentances. They are comfortable with the silences. You kiss them when you meet as strangers yet feel like you have known eachother forever. I want those kind of goosebumps.
I want someone to compliment my life not complete it.
On a closing note, I never expect from someone what I can not bring to the table myself.
And I have learned the hard times in a relationship are the most telling not when things are going smoothly. I want to see my lover raw at times. And comfortable to be so in front of me.

[Inuus]

Great post! Some parts I could so relate to and have changed the text color. Especially the passionate about something part. Ive always said I dont care what you're passionate about be it knitting, reading, flying a kite something! I couldnt have said it better myself

Originally Posted by FeminineAllure

For me attraction begins with a deep stirring inside of me on one or all levels. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Physically, I have been attracted to many different types even another femme or two. I prefer average to larger builds. Long or short hair. Casual/preppy, the rebel with tattoos and piercings, in uniforms...out of uniforms lol. I have a thing for black boots. A penchant for Daddies and Syrs. A huge one for me is she must be a female identified butch one reason being because I like to touch and love them everywhere. I am physically attracted to someone who is comfortable in their female body. The more masculine their energy the better.
Mentally, I like to be stimulated and learn things from someone or I become bored quickly. I do not need someone from Mensa just be passionate about something, literate, creative, open minded.
Emotionally, I need someone who is compassionate, empathetic, stable, considerate, capable, and consistant. We all have some baggage but I can not be drained by low energy, negative individuals.
Spiritually, I am not a religious person but I am a spiritual one. If you don't believe in something...You may fall for anything. Spiritual bonds are usually between soulmates. They can finish eachothers sentances. They are comfortable with the silences. You kiss them when you meet as strangers yet feel like you have known eachother forever. I want that kind of goosebumps.
I want someone to compliment my life not complete it.
On a closing note, I never expect from someone what I can not bring to the table myself. And I have learned the hard times in a relationship are the most telling not when things are going smoothly. I want to see my lover raw at times. And comfortable to be so in front of me.

[labete]

Thanks for this thread, Sassy. It's timely for me.

My honey identifies as butch, but she is very strongly female identified and somewhat tentative about the butch part. We've known each other casually for over a decade, and she's seen a few others I've had relationships with and has a butch friend of many years who tends to remind people of a lumberjack. She's compared herself with them and feels "less butch" because she doesn't like getting 'sir', owns some women's clothes, has a short but androgynous hairstyle, etc. Her decorating style is a lot more feminine than mine, but her walk is a lot more masculine.

To me, I think the way a person moves is one of the bigger indicators of a more masculine or feminine energy. The single biggest factor for me in initial attraction, though, was chemistry. I know that might not be the case for folks whose relationships start off differently, but we'd known each other for so long that one night I stayed too late after a bonfire in her backyard and fell asleep in her arms as a friend. I was high for a week after that and knew I wanted that feeling again.

And, I've also had brains be the initial attraction, or personality expressed through writing anyway, long before I had the first clue about appearance. My last relationship started online after I developed an attraction to a butch I knew only from forum postings. Yes, I did see a couple of photos before we met, but they weren't especially flattering. Luckily I found her quite attractive in person, and she felt the same about me.

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by labete

Thanks for this thread, Sassy. It's timely for me.

My honey identifies as butch, but she is very strongly female identified and somewhat tentative about the butch part. We've known each other casually for over a decade, and she's seen a few others I've had relationships with and has a butch friend of many years who tends to remind people of a lumberjack. She's compared herself with them and feels "less butch" because she doesn't like getting 'sir', owns some women's clothes, has a short but androgynous hairstyle, etc. Her decorating style is a lot more feminine than mine, but her walk is a lot more masculine.

To me, I think the way a person moves is one of the bigger indicators of a more masculine or feminine energy. The single biggest factor for me in initial attraction, though, was chemistry. I know that might not be the case for folks whose relationships start off differently, but we'd known each other for so long that one night I stayed too late after a bonfire in her backyard and fell asleep in her arms as a friend. I was high for a week after that and knew I wanted that feeling again.

And, I've also had brains be the initial attraction, or personality expressed through writing anyway, long before I had the first clue about appearance. My last relationship started online after I developed an attraction to a butch I knew only from forum postings. Yes, I did see a couple of photos before we met, but they weren't especially flattering. Luckily I found her quite attractive in person, and she felt the same about me.

there is so much to be said for chemistry. meaning, sometimes our bodies/brains have their own agenda and we have no idea how it happens! maybe you had no idea that you might have that feeling with her because she was always considered only a friend and not someone you would have sought out? was is about her appearance at all? just curious...

i've had amazing chemistry with some folks over the years based purely on sexual attraction and some because i was so intrigued by their brain...but all of them have had a certain appearance.

i guess i do have a "type"

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by always2late

I wonder why it is so hard for most people to admit that, when it comes to dating and initial attraction, we are all prejudiced to some extent. (that's right, I said the P word). And really, isn't that what attraction is all about? I don't mean prejudice in a bad way...I mean it in the actual definition of the word. We prejudge, and to some extent, discriminate, based upon what particular features or mannerisms we find attractive. And there is nothing wrong with that. Everything else in a relationship can grow...love, trust, friendship...but that intial attraction, that click, that moment of frission...has GOT to be there. Its not something one can learn, or fake. Its either there or its not.

I like to describe myself as a woman who gets her nails done, but who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty . But a femme is what I am, whether it be dressed in a skirt and heels on a night out...or dressed in my rattiest, oldest sweatshirt while painting the shed. Its something innate in me, and I couldn't change it if I tried (nor do I want to). I find that in all my relationships the defining factor is this...I am attracted to masculinity. I don't care how my partner identifies, to me its all about their manner, their personality, their particular way of walking in this world. It has nothing to do with how they look, it has to do with who they are inside their skin. Could I be attracted to a feminine woman? Nope. And that doesn't mean I think less of femininity, it just means that it does nothing for me.

Just my two cents.

Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it!

For me, I don't know that I would use the word prejudice, but more preference or predisposition. I don't know that I would be prejudiced against certain looks or appearance, but my preference draws me to a certain type. It's hard for me to use those words in this context, I guess. Maybe because I am hyper aware of using them at all (in my world, they often have negative connotations)

I like this alot, "I am attracted to masculinity. I don't care how my partner identifies, to me its all about their manner, their personality, their particular way of walking in this world."

[Just_G]

It really depends on HOW I meet someone. Like if I meet them here, it is usually their brain, wit, or humor that catches my attention. If I meet them in person, of course it would have to be a physical attraction since I have not even had a conversation with them.

For instance, there is a woman here in KC that I met a while back...when she walked in to my friends party, I thought "damn she is cute...and look at those blue eyes!", then she smiled and said hi, and I knew there was an instant attraction to her. She was wearing a pair of motorcycle boots just like mine, only in brown. She had on jeans and a sweater, and honestly was not the typical woman I am attracted to (speaking of physical traits). I am usually attracted to women that wear heels, have their nails done, etc....come off as femme in appearance to me. (not that I am saying she is not femme, but we are talking about first impressions...visual first impressions....I guess you could say I was stereotyping in a way...bad G!!)

After she sat down next to me and we talked for about two hours, I realized that there was a lot more to her than her looks. Her sense of humor was off the chains! (and if you know me, you KNOW that is like the top of my list kind of important )

We have been hanging out, shooting pool, texting, going to movies, flirting, and just having fun. I am glad I didn't just judge her looks and move on because I would be missing out on getting to know someone that I think is very fun and special.

In the end, with her, it turns out it is a little bit of everything....mental, physical, emotional, etc. I think there HAS to be a combination of all the elements.

Over the years, as I have gotten older, I have come to realize that it isn't all about looks or physical appearances. I used to have this image in my head of the perfect woman (back in the day I wanted arm candy...I was a jerk, I'll admit that now), but I think I was being rather close minded to the possibilities. I have been attracted to women of all sizes, all hair colors...though blondes tend to make me nervous..lol, labels, you name it.

Anyway, just my .02!