Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[labete]

Thanks for this thread, Sassy. It's timely for me.

My honey identifies as butch, but she is very strongly female identified and somewhat tentative about the butch part. We've known each other casually for over a decade, and she's seen a few others I've had relationships with and has a butch friend of many years who tends to remind people of a lumberjack. She's compared herself with them and feels "less butch" because she doesn't like getting 'sir', owns some women's clothes, has a short but androgynous hairstyle, etc. Her decorating style is a lot more feminine than mine, but her walk is a lot more masculine.

To me, I think the way a person moves is one of the bigger indicators of a more masculine or feminine energy. The single biggest factor for me in initial attraction, though, was chemistry. I know that might not be the case for folks whose relationships start off differently, but we'd known each other for so long that one night I stayed too late after a bonfire in her backyard and fell asleep in her arms as a friend. I was high for a week after that and knew I wanted that feeling again.

And, I've also had brains be the initial attraction, or personality expressed through writing anyway, long before I had the first clue about appearance. My last relationship started online after I developed an attraction to a butch I knew only from forum postings. Yes, I did see a couple of photos before we met, but they weren't especially flattering. Luckily I found her quite attractive in person, and she felt the same about me.