Pagan

Bit · 05-03-2011, 12:10 AM

{{{{{{{{{{{Foxy}}}}}}}}}}} Hi!!

Sounds like your Beltaine was truly wonderful! Mine was too, although it was bloody cold in that park... winter storms that blow through after spring is well established really chill people to the bone!!

But blue lips and all, it was a wonderful wonderful day!

I've been doing better, thank you for asking. Also doing worse, both at the same time, but what can you do, eh? It's been absolutely shocking to me how badly I was burnt out; last week I still could basically do nothing energy-wise. The ley line that runs through That House is my lifeline; I can, with the assistance of an Ally, grab some of that and direct it for healing once in a while. I cannot send the healing long distance, though, only to Gryph or to one of the furbabies. That's quite a come-down from sending energy all over the place like I had been doing.

My focus is still shot, too, but I persisted with my cleansing efforts and they're working better than they were.

I've managed a couple times to be Gryph's "battery" so to speak, and lend energy during a working.

The biggest change is that the person I was linked to who was being drained (the same way I was drained in December and January, by sending energy to someone who was being systematically drained by life-stealers) finally accepted Gryph's help and the tie to the life-stealers was cut, as well as my tie to her. I felt better immediately! Once I was no longer feeling her uncontrollable rage, I came back to emotional balance within myself and my own natural happiness started to reassert itself.

I was able to get started on my gardening then, and that's bringing me much joy!

Unfortunately, I'm not doing so well physically. The fibro seems to be flaring in cycle with my hormones--which is bad enough--but my carpal tunnel syndrome is steadily worsening and that really bothers me.

I've come to truly believe that being drained by the life-stealers (through my friend) is what allowed the physical worsening. That energy had to come from somewhere, and once it was gone I surely couldn't use it to keep my body intact. That tells me I have to be vigilant and keep an eye out for situations where the draining can happen, now that I'm learning to recognize it.

Most of the time it's really easy to recognize life-stealers, because usually they're not very sophisticated--you know, spend time with someone and come away feeling drained and depressed--it's obvious. But this kind of drain is more subtle, slower, so that I write my tiredness off to the fibro, or to eating too much turkey (lol! darned tryptophan!), or to fluctuating hormones and pain levels. It takes several days before I realize that it isn't me, that something is actively pulling the energy away.

I realized while I was writing this that it's happening again, but only because I've been puzzled all evening about my friend's bad day and bad mood; telling you about the drain put that into perspective. I guess once done is not forever, but I was thinking it would be and so I didn't expect the ties to be put back in place. *rueful look* Now I know better.

Gryph didn't expect them to be put back either, and he's got way more experience than I have, so I don't feel quite so foolish about not realizing it... but now that I know, I have to watch.

This past year sure has been filled with lessons about taking care of myself! The consequences of allowing emotional ties that then allow me to come under attack are brutal. It's showing very drastically not just in my health, but in Gryph's exhaustion; in the furbabies (Lady's diabetes and subsequent blindness, Bubba's hyperthyroidism, Trooper's worsening paranoia); and even in the physical condition of That House. I can't allow this pattern to continue; I have to make changes in how I allow people to relate to me.

No more Feeders. No matter how much I might love them, no more Feeders. I just don't have that kind of energy. I noticed several years ago that a huge number of people with fibromyalgia seem to be Empaths... maybe it's the other way round. Maybe being an Empath makes one vulnerable to fibromyalgia, because of the huge and constant drain on one's energy by the Feeders.

I guess if I succeed in cutting them all off and my fibro gets better, I'll know!

Best to you with your workshop. I bet it will be awesome! If you feel like talking about it, I'd love to hear!!

Cath

foxyshaman · 05-03-2011, 01:23 PM

{{{{{{{{{{{CATH}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am sorry to hear that you are still experiencing energetic hardships like that. It kind of makes one not want to put out energy for anyone. Life stealers are around in all walks of life and all circumstances. You and gryph have a lot around you that requests/requires your attention. Between the constant energy drain and the fibro girl you just are not catching any breaks.

I am sure that there are lots of things that you have tried to make your energy come back up and stay put. I wish I had a simple all round effective answer for you. I am relieved to hear that you are disconnected from the primary energy drain and that your emotional balance has come back.

I have had experiences with energy drains, but not to the extent that you are experiencing for the length of time you are experiencing it. I wonder if your condition is made more vulnerable by your fibro? From what you are saying they are all interconnected and affect you greatly.

Then the furbabies, you really have your hands full. I read your posts and your references to what your furbabies are going through & I am relieved that they have as supportive and caring a parent as you two are. They are great gifts to you, from what you have said, and they seem to have come to you with the need to be loved and taken care of. Mother Nature knew she had a good caretaker in you. Now, if she could just shoot you some extra cash now and then to help with the cost load that would be great!!

I will keep in touch regarding the workshop. I am trying to work on my own self sabotage pattern. I will be journeying to try to find the root cause for my legs and feet getting injured just as I am really into my exercise and weight loss. This last one happened on Friday. I got a blister on my ankle a bad one so this week I am out of exercise. So... back to yoga...

I will keep in touch!!!

Bit · 05-07-2011, 10:38 AM

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