Butch friends

[Merlin]

I find when I have femme friends I end up sleeping with them. I have more hetro friends,maybe subconciously I surround myself with them to play it safe.

[Nina]

Wow!

just...Wow!

Originally Posted by Merlin

I find when I have femme friends I end up sleeping with them. I have more hetro friends,maybe subconciously I surround myself with them to play it safe.

[Corkey]

I have friends who are Femme and my wife is Femme and I only sleep with my wife. Not to say that poly folks have to adhere to monogamy, but I don't sleep with my friends in the first place, only my friend, my wife.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Merlin

I find when I have femme friends I end up sleeping with them. I have more hetro friends,maybe subconciously I surround myself with them to play it safe.

You know, I have never slept with a friend in my entire life. Ever.

If they are a friend, they stay that way. Once they are a friend, I just have an inability to sexualize them (and of course prefer not to). I know the friends with benefit thing and all (and there is nothing wrong with that), but it just has never been my style.

[Merlin]

For me it started off as friendships which progressed.

I have had three serious relationships.

And three liasons,i was a slow starter and missed out on lot's.

[Julie]

Originally Posted by Merlin

For me it started off as friendships which progressed.

I have had three serious relationships.

And three liasons,i was a slow starter and missed out on lot's.

Clearly this statement is different than what you stated above.

Most relationships begin as friendship, well at least in my world. It is how you develop.

I wish you great luck in finding your butch community. It is important to have comraderie - I know for me, developing relationships with other femmes, is like coming home. It's beautiful and I cherish those friendships.

Julie

[Merlin]

What's making it hard is in the uk we are geographically challenged,and compared to the usa it's a far smaller community.

I don't get to see fellow butch/femme folk due to work and sometimes it feels like a real lonely path to walk.

[Massive]

I don't mean to be nasty or step on any toes here, but I have to say, I think it is very different here in the UK as opposed to the US. Yes we have large gay communities in London, Brighton and a few other major cities, but most of us don't live in those places, most of us here are lucky to have one gay pub to go too, and most places do not have exclusively women only bars, I know I certainly don't. Sometimes there may be a bar which is aimed at gay men who 'tolerate' gay women, but nothing more. I may be missing something by having not travelled to the US, but I see it so often that people miss how someone is from the UK, and seem to miss how in a lot of ways, we're pretty far back in the dark ages in some ways when it comes to being queer. Yes, we have 'marriage' but it's not equal with hetero marriage in any way shape or form, it's a totally different culture in the UK, we're pretty old fashioned too, and nothing like the tv portrays either ...
Anyway, sorry for the derail, just wanted to say this.

[Julie]

Now that is a whole different story. I believe my reaction came from the delivery.
Pissing - Cock penning and henning... Sleeping with femme friends (lol).

I know Dreamer who lives in Australia has the same issues. No real B/F community. Makes perfect sense.

[Massive]

I'm with Merlin here, I have no gay community around me at all, I think there may be some lesbians within 30 miles of me, but it's too far for me to travel, it's an hour and a half bus journey to get to the nearest scene for me, and then I have to leave by no later than 7pm because otherwise I can't get back home again. It can be seriously isolated here somedays, which is why I personally rely so heavily on the internet and sites like this, because otherwise I'd never get a chance in hell to interact with other people in the B-F dynamic, which, for me, is a way of life now!

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by Massive

I don't mean to be nasty or step on any toes here, but I have to say, I think it is very different here in the UK as opposed to the US. Yes we have large gay communities in London, Brighton and a few other major cities, but most of us don't live in those places, most of us here are lucky to have one gay pub to go too, and most places do not have exclusively women only bars, I know I certainly don't. Sometimes there may be a bar which is aimed at gay men who 'tolerate' gay women, but nothing more. I may be missing something by having not travelled to the US, but I see it so often that people miss how someone is from the UK, and seem to miss how in a lot of ways, we're pretty far back in the dark ages in some ways when it comes to being queer. Yes, we have 'marriage' but it's not equal with hetero marriage in any way shape or form, it's a totally different culture in the UK, we're pretty old fashioned too, and nothing like the tv portrays either ...
Anyway, sorry for the derail, just wanted to say this.

Nail on the head.

[Massive]

I think predominantly my friends tend to be femme, because I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not, they don't mind that I'm a butch who doesn't mind cooking, or cleaning or sewing a button on that's fallen off. Sometimes I feel judged by other butches, because I'm not 'butch enough' or some such shit, but on my local scene, I'm viewed as 'too butch', so most of the time I hang with gay men, because they don't give a monkey's flying arse who or what I am, they like me cos they get my sense of humour and know that I'll defend them to the hilt if they start getting hassled. I think the UK's got a lot to answer to and needs to grow up and start learning about alternative lifestyles, far too many brits are quick to point the finger when they see something they don't recognise or feel comfortable around.
At the end of the day for me, people are people, in real life the majority of my friends are metalheads/goths because they don't give a crap who I'm sleeping with, they just want to go out and have fun. I prefer it that way too, I don't ask to be judged because of how I look, but that's what tends to happen to me around other queers, I'm not one of the sheep following the herd and I'm not afraid of speaking my mind around bigoted people, which tends to alienate me around people who don't get that I'm honest and very blunt.
It would be nice to have more butch friends to be able to sit and chill with, but ... friends are friends, why should it matter how they ID really?

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by Massive

I think predominantly my friends tend to be femme, because I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not, they don't mind that I'm a butch who doesn't mind cooking, or cleaning or sewing a button on that's fallen off. Sometimes I feel judged by other butches, because I'm not 'butch enough' or some such shit, but on my local scene, I'm viewed as 'too butch', so most of the time I hang with gay men, because they don't give a monkey's flying arse who or what I am, they like me cos they get my sense of humour and know that I'll defend them to the hilt if they start getting hassled. I think the UK's got a lot to answer to and needs to grow up and start learning about alternative lifestyles, far too many brits are quick to point the finger when they see something they don't recognise or feel comfortable around.
At the end of the day for me, people are people, in real life the majority of my friends are metalheads/goths because they don't give a crap who I'm sleeping with, they just want to go out and have fun. I prefer it that way too, I don't ask to be judged because of how I look, but that's what tends to happen to me around other queers, I'm not one of the sheep following the herd and I'm not afraid of speaking my mind around bigoted people, which tends to alienate me around people who don't get that I'm honest and very blunt.
It would be nice to have more butch friends to be able to sit and chill with, but ... friends are friends, why should it matter how they ID really?

I friggen LOVE to cook, I like to scrapbook, take photos and a bunch of other stuff. It doesn't define me, and you shouldn't let your love of doing "things" define you either my friend.

[Massive]

Originally Posted by Corkey

I friggen LOVE to cook, I like to scrapbook, take photos and a bunch of other stuff. It doesn't define me, and you shouldn't let your love of doing "things" define you either my friend.

Thanks Corkey! I don't now, I love it all too! But when I was younger I let myself be led around by the nose by my so-called peers, now, I'm happy being me and not pretending any more, like me, love me, or hate me, I'm not changing a damn thing for anything but my own benefit!

[Julie]

Originally Posted by Merlin

I find when I have femme friends I end up sleeping with them. I have more hetro friends,maybe subconciously I surround myself with them to play it safe.

Perhaps this is why you have few butch friends.
Prior to being on this site - most of my friends were butch or gay men. A few straight female friends and very few femme friends.

I am femme and I can share a bed with my butch friends and know - NOT EVER - would either one of us cross that line. Why would we? We are simply friends.

Perhaps the fact you sexualize relationships. Maybe something to think about.

Julie who is now well balanced in her circle of friends.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by Merlin

I find when I have femme friends I end up sleeping with them. I have more hetro friends,maybe subconciously I surround myself with them to play it safe.

I don't even know what to say to this (strange for me) except for what has already been said....Wow!!! My best friend is a butch and we could share a bed with nothing happening except sleep

[apretty]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

My best friend is a butch and we could share a bed with nothing happening except sleep

For whatever reason, Ez's not enthusiastic about me sleeping in bed with my butch-b-f-f!

his response, 'it's not happening.'

me: i never get nothing nice.

(silence)

me: what if it were a futon?